Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

Friday, December 4, 2015

My Call Center Experience II

2015.12.4: My Call Center Experience II

12:10am – 1:14am

I have much to write, but I don’t have a lot of time nor probably the energy to write.  So, to make this count, I want to first write about my call center experience so far.

I have been working at Cox Communications through Xerox about three months now.  I learned a lot and I have many stores to share.

But the one story I want to share is a customer I talk to today.  The very last call.

Today was a busy day at the call center.  For some reason, probably because of winter storms and outages, I was getting almost none stop calls.  I have to use my 20 minutes of break time spaced out in 5.5 hours wisely.  I also get a 30-minute lunch. 

I was finishing helping a customer with cable issues when my supervisor told me if I can take one more call.  Overtime is a common occurrence at my job, so does leaving early when no customers call.  So I agreed.  I really wanted to just go home and relax and spend time with God but I decided to make the sacrifice to make one more call.

And what a call that was.

Before I go into it, let me share with you some difficulties that I face when making calls, and my strengths as well.  I think my chief weakness talking to customers is my speaking skill.  Despite speaking for all my life, I still stutter horribly when talking on the phone.  My stuttering is less when talking to people face-to-face and still less when talking to people I know and trust.  But every time I hear a beep on the phone, for some reason, my tongue just can’t say the word.  My brain knows what to say, but I just can’t say it.  Then sometimes my mind gets distracted and it makes the delay and stuttering worse.  “T-t-th-[slient th]-T-Thank you for calling Cox Communications.”  “My name is S-s-s-teven.”  “H-[slient ow]-How can I help you?”  Each one of those stuttering roadblocks is a barrier and for each call, I sometimes are able to bypass on those roadblocks, but almost never am I able to overcome all of them. 

I think to myself that “Love comes from God” and “Power comes from God.”  Part of the reason why I stutter is due to fear, due to insecurity, due to a fear of rejection.  I have very little power in my introduction because I was afraid; I was afraid of the unknown.  Right now, at my workspace, I have both an American flag on one side and an Israeli flag on the other.  Looking that these flags gives me strength and hope.  I plan to further decorate my workspace by putting WordArt “Love comes from God” on my left side and “Power comes from God” on the other.  Other agents put pictures of their family, or Cox Communications resources, but I will instead focus on inspiration. 

When talking to people on the phone, I feel like that is how Jesus felt during his life of ministry.  He gets persecuted, rejected, attacked, verbally abused, and so forth and that is what many customers do to us, and to me.  I practice humility and I have a genuine desire to help them.  But, back to Jesus, I would rather get attacked and abused for the sake of the gospel than for the sake of cable.  Nevertheless, working at a call center is a very good experience.  I am able to improve my speaking skills, to develop my small talk skills, my selling skills.  It has helped me in my life.  And I plan to use it for His Kingdom in the near future. 

Football is not my passion.  Oh no, I think I just said a bad word.  On Saturdays and Sundays, I got many football calls.  TV isn’t working so they can’t watch football.  How can I build rapport with them?  For all my customers, I follow my call flow which includes asking the customer how they are doing and showing empathy.  Like in the Army, I feel it is necessary to at least study a bit on what is going on in the football world so I won’t be seen as an outcast.

About five customers so far, during my three months, asked me if I was a robot after I finished my introductory phase mentioned earlier in the stuttering section.  I replied “No, I’m not a robot.  I’m a real person.  My name is Steven.” 

I’ve got a customer asking me if I can be their personal agent, since I resolved and helped them so well.  I told him no, that the structure of the call center doesn’t allow it.

I only have one customer, I think, that tried to use my stuttering to discriminate me.  That customer told me “I already want to talk to someone else.”  But I empathized with her and was able to resolve and program her remote as well.  During the whole time, she was demanding, demeaning, and mean to me.  I don’t know if I even got a “thank you” or maybe it was a hollow one.  Many times, customers not only use me, but just use me, without showing any gratitude, respect, or appreciation.  Many times, it is a thankless job. 

To work at a call center, I have to be at my best.  I try to give every customer my best and it is very demanding of me.  It is very mentally demanding and for the salary that I earn, I know I can get a better-paying job without spending so much of my energy, brainpower, and willpower.  It is a very stressful job.  Back in nesting, we took two 15-minute breaks.  But for me, I couldn’t do that.  I take mini-breaks between every call. 

In a way, I feel customers will treat me nicer and better if everyone had the same genuine spirit of helpfulness like me.  But no, I am wrong.  I’m not here to brag.  I have many weaknesses although few are of my choosing (add: I also need to continue to renew my mind, to avoid thinking evil thoughts and to focus on what’s important, in this case, the issue, when talking to customers).  I am good at troubleshooting, at working with the computer system, with typing.  Those technical aspects are my strengths.  And showing love to customers and to be genuine and to help them.  However, it leaves me exhausted. 

There are many more experiences and stories that I can write but I either don’t have time or don’t remember as of now.  Maybe by reading my call center experiences, one can already have some experience working as a customer service representative.  :) 

My last call, the call I volunteered, was crazy and intense.  To make the long story short, the customer demanded me to fix her cable TV instantly.  I checked the diagnostics and found that her area has an outage.  I told her what I can do.  I told her the technician’s name and estimated repair time.  I empathized with her.  I listened to her.  She was cussing and maybe even fussing.  She blamed the company and me (since I’m a part of it), about other representatives telling her that she needed miniboxes to get service, which was completely untrue as she already have cable boxes.  She added that Cox did the minibox trick to get more of her and other customer’s money.  I educated her on the reason why a customer would want a minibox.  I educated her on both analog and digital signals, on what kind of channels she would get.  And throughout all this time, she went back to the present issue of her TV not working and demanded me to fix the issue now.  I kept repeating to her, with love and kindness, the truth.  I told her honestly is the best policy and I don’t want to lie to her.  I repeated the technician’s name and the estimated repair time.  Then she would talk about other bad Cox experience issues like her bill or having to constantly call us.  I empathized on all her concerns.  I told her I also care about saving money and shared with her my experience.  This call was hurting my handle time and I was pressured by others.  I asked “permission to hang up” but my supervisor said no.  I mean if I do have permission, I will gently do so, like when Joseph was planning to divorce Mary before he knew the truth.  So I stayed with her and informed her again the estimated repair time.  She told me she will stay on the phone with me until the issue is fixed, which will be in another hour, at this point of the call.  But, throughout this entire call, I was at peace.  I was actually a little happy.  I felt her pain.  Towards the middle and the end of the call, she started to say “sorry” but then went back to attacking.  Then she told me that she is, actually, a nice person.  I believed her.  Listening to her, I felt she was wronged, deceived, and that she was made to be mean to us, but I felt in her heart, like me, that she was a nice person.  My supervisor’s desk was next to mine today, due to computer issues and seating rearrangements.  Other agents and supervisors were around, and perhaps trying to listen to my share of the conversation.  I told her at one point that I can’t do the impossible, that only God can do the impossible.  I thought about evangelizing but I knew that I would be in trouble if I do.  I thought about reading that Inner and Healing Deliverance book to her while we waited.  I tried to ask what she enjoyed doing and her hobbies and interests and she told me that her interest is for me to “get her cable working.”  I followed the organizations call flow.  In calls like these, it is imperative that I follow the call flow with building rapport, empathizing, educating, and so forth so if I get a bad survey from her, I can challenge it (if I reach 80% or higher from quality control).  In the end, she calmed down enough when I reassured her that our technical support is open 24/7 and that she can call us back in half an hour.  She finally agreed and the call was over.  My supervisor complimented me on my patience and gentleness. 


So, working at a call center is very intense and stressful, at least for me.  If every day working on the phones is like this (and many days it is), I would, honestly, rather quit or leave.  I already informed my supervisor about my intentions but he wanted me to stay, telling me that the team needs me.  But, my mentor told me that I deserve a better job, a job with less stress and with higher pay.  I already have a bachelor’s degree, so why am I working at a call center?  It was because I gave up too easily, my fear of rejection, and my perceived desperation for a job, that I chose it.  But God will give me grace and I am going to look for a better job.  Today was a victory but I really hope God won’t grant me such a victory again.  He will, and I have to persevere.  

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Grace for Rest

2015.10.21: Grace for Rest

2:21am – 2:31am


Blessings to God.  He gave me grace today.  Right now, I’m also listening to Christian music.  Music from before the Army.  Music from during the Army.  And music from after the Army.  Music from Ignite.  So many musical influences in my life. 

I asked for a lighter burden because I cannot handle the stress.  I was almost close to quitting.  To resigning.  That call center job, it’s just too difficult and stressful for me.  But, I was able, with God, no, with God I was able, more credit to God and less to me, to still have that job.  My plan now is to continue to go to college and earn my second degree in computer science.  I must never stop growing.  I must never stop striving.  I don’t care about my circumstances.  God will find a way. 

But even with the lighter load, it wasn’t as light as I expected.  I wanted only 4 hours a day for work but instead, I got 6.  I wanted Wednesdays off but instead, I have to wait for at least a few weeks before I will be able to change my schedule to having Wednesdays and Saturdays off, working from 2-8pm.  This is good news.  I will be able to attend both Sundays and Wednesdays supernatural services.  The only thing is I won’t be able to attend the HOP and the Fridays youth service.  I also enjoy having the two days off spaced.  Having them together limits the therapeutic healing for me. 

So, to write every day like my aunt suggested, this is my entry for today. 

I must still seek God and follow my “experiment.”  Three strikes and I haven’t messed up yet.  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------  But, I have been spending time in the “gray areas”.  I have been spending time on politics and about Russia, China, and the United States military-wise.  Why do I waste so much time on those things?  I should just seek God.  God will take care of China, Russia, and the United States.  And Israel. 


Thank you God.  

The Experiment

[Edited for Public] 2015.10.19: The Experiment

11:48pm – 12:16pm

My aunt told me that I should write a journal daily, so here it is.  Maybe I should write daily now.  I mean I used to write a lot but not anymore.  Not when.. my faith became weak.  Not when trails and tribulations ceased a little.  I mean my difficulties still persist.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Nothing in this world can truly satisfy me.  -----------------  -------------------------------------------------------------------  Then what is God’s will for my life?  Is it to have customers yelling at me and hating me everyday?  Is that what my life is for?  My aunt told me I should find a happy job.  A job that makes me happy.  Not a job where I deal with sadness and gloom.  Where the best I can do is a draw.  No, a draw is not a win.  A draw, where I only have one life, one chance, is a lose.  Maybe I should quit my job so I can continue to further my education.  I mean, if I can’t make lots of money, then I should at least have lots of education and knowledge.  No, well, kind of true.  I should just focus on seeking God.  But I suck at it.  I feel I just can’t do it.  I could be close, I can see it.  I can see myself seeking God and being close to Him but I just can’t reach it.  This is what I should do.  Maybe I should just quit everything that is not necessary and just seek God.  I wonder what may happen if I do it. 

My strategy, my plan against customers, or rather to defend myself against them is to pray for them.  Prayer is the artillery.  Then, I’ll just do what I can do to prepare myself.  The horse is ready for battle.  Then, the battle will belong to the Lord.  What can I do then, with customers who are still mean to me?  Should I take revenge?  No, rather, I should use that as a motivation, a boost, to seek God more. 

My life has changed, not for the better, I feel, but for the worse.  How worse?  I’m not sure.  I crave chicken nuggets, cheese cake, pizza, and what not.  But, these things, in the end, won’t really satisfy me.  I feel stuck.  I feel like I lost.  If I’m not going anywhere then I’m wasting time.  I don’t want to just make this moderate or low income job and save my money until I die.  My life is meant for greatness but I feel my life is nothing at all.  I carry no influence.  I have no authority.  I have no power.  And I seek God.  The logical conclusion then, is to conclude that seeking God has no power, has no hope.  But no, God is the God of hope.  Then why then am I still so powerless?  No, forget it.  I already chose God and I will die with God, ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Regardless, I must pray.  Prayer is where I get most of my power from.  I find in my life that I get most of my influence in prayer, behind the scenes.  Without prayer, if it is just people, then I am nothing.  Why can’t I be a general?  What can’t God make me a ruler or a leader or a king?  Or a general, or a trusted advisor.  Why can’t God make me become these things?  Why am I just a nobody working at a low-paying job barely getting by?  -------------------------------------------------------------------- because I have foresight.  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And God will be the judge.

----------------------------------------------------------------------  He is the only reason.  I could care less if other people are less than me.  No, I will not compare myself to who is less but to who is greater.  But of course, I will submit to God.  The only thing that keeps me going is my ability to pray and be close to God.  ---------------------------------------------- 

I don’t have a girlfriend --------------------------------  I don’t have any social networks of significant extent.  ------------------ 

My life, it is so unfair.  I know, other people are going to attack me on this.  Call me complaining.  But look, I really never had a chance in life.  When I was 18, I still had the mentality and life-skills of a 13 year-old.  So many basic skills in life I couldn’t do.  ---------------------------------------------  Values and traits and social skills that I lack.  And now, I am semi-independent.  I say semi because I probably will never be fully independent.  I will never be able to live without God.  Even now, when I have my own room, my own car, my own blah blah blah, I am still not completely independent.  I am much more independent than in the past, but I’m not there yet. 

What can I hope for?  What can I look forward to?  The only thing I can look forward to is God.  Is prayer.  But perhaps prayer is like social work.  Anybody can do it.  You don’t need a degree for that.  You may not need a degree, but you still need God.  And his gift, and his mercy, and his talent.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  This is what I’m going to do from now on.  And I must do it.  Aside from Clash of Clans, which is a game I still can’t quit even though I just started like two months ago. I will seek God.  Any other unnecessary thing will be destroyed.  I’m going to try this experiment for a month, to 11/20/2015 and see if it works.  Let me test and see that the Lord is good.  That he will take care of me.  This will be my vow ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Should I do this?  Yes.  No.  Maybe so.  I want to do it, but I feel I just can’t.  Fine, I’ll give myself three chances.  Three strikes.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Then, should I do this?  What about China?  Who cares about China.  That is just a game.  And my life is not a game. 


How can I relieve stress?  How can I talk to customers?  I don’t.  I don’t know.  I’m still confused and like a child.  I’m just going to pray and seek God.  --------------------------------------------------  I’m doing a 30-day relentless.  Anything unnecessary must be cast aside and just enjoy the pleasure of seeking God.  I’m going to start right now and see how far three strikes will get me.  This will not be a vow but an experiment.  --------------------------------------------------------  May God be my judge.  May God be with me. 

Saturday, August 15, 2015

8/15/2015: Move like Water

8/15/2015: Move like Water

10:01pm – 10:39pm

I have many things to write but, at the same time, I don’t have a lot of things to write.

Today is a supernatural day, and yesterday was a supernatural night.  Supernatural days and supernatural nights.  Tomorrow will be a supernatural day and Monday, with HOP (house of peace), will be a supernatural night.  I want supernatural days every day!

There is a principle that I want to share that may be the cause of many of my worries and stress.  The principle is to “Move Like Water” in The System Builder by Xuan Nguyen.  This book is supposed to help me better my “financial” business but I find it useful for other applications as well.  Let me share it briefly:

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The army’s disposition of force is like water.  Water configures its flow in accord with the terrain.  Water has no constant shape.  –Sun Tzu

Keep flowing.  Move like water.  Water doesn’t try so hard, but it flows.  When water hits a rock, it avoids the rock and goes around it.  Water sees the high land and never tries to climb it.  Water takes the low road.  That’s how water flows.

This is also how you do the business.  You always got to keep moving.  If people don’t join, move on.  If people don’t buy, move on.  If people don’t want to build, move on.

Don’t hit your head against the wall trying to convince the rock to buy, to join, or to do something it doesn’t want to do.  Just move on. 
-

Wow, how many times have I violated this concept and gave myself undue stress and rejection.  I do want to say beforehand that there are exceptions to this rule.  I can’t flow the easy way from a macro or spiritual sense.  The easy way is the flesh but the flesh flows to death.  The direction of my flow, of my water, my river, needs to be towards life, righteousness, and abundance.  But from a micro-sense, this principle is a piece of wisdom. 

One of my fears is a fear of failure.  Many times I’m afraid to try or don’t try or give 100% because I’m afraid of making mistakes and failing.  I’m afraid that people won’t follow me, that they won’t listen to me, etc.  I want perfection but that is not possible because only God is perfect.  The fact is I won’t be perfect but I must still try.  But once my course is set, I need to focus on the positives and not spend too much time on the barriers or my situation. 

This can apply to evangelism.  If people reject me, move on.  If people won’t listen to me or try to intensely argue with me, move on.  It is not the healthy that needs a doctor but the sick (Mark 2:17).  I will invest in people that will listen, that are promising, whose hearts are open.  This doesn’t mean to ignore people who are not interested.  But, the principle is to spend most of my effort and energy on people who are open and who bear fruit. 

This concept can also apply when I’m suggesting an idea or anything.  I wouldn’t waste my time on people who are negative.  I remember before, I would try to argue and debate with people who reject my idea.  This is a waste of my energy.  Most likely, these people are not going to change anytime soon.  What I learned in social work advocacy is to spend the energy on people who support you and on those who are “maybes” or those who are still open.  I hit a rock I go around it instead of spending huge effort trying to go through it.

This can also apply to investing.  I read somewhere on Investopedia that most people invest the wrong way.  They invest in negative wealth.  When a stock goes down, many would buy more into it, thinking that they are buying the shares at a lower price.  Then it goes down even more and those people buy that stock even more, thinking it is a discount.  But what happens?  Stocks are not commodities (commodities will be a different story since the value of it cannot be zero).  When a company’s stock goes down, it is an indicator of trouble.  The foolish investor would have invested most of his/her money in a business that is going downhill.  No, when a stock is going down to a certain point, the wise investor will pull the money out and put the money in a stock that is increasing or doing well.  Then, most of that investor’s money will be in successful stocks.  Like water, go where the money is.  Ignore resistance and focus on what can build.  Ok, I might not be making much sense or my analogy might be off.  I need more experience in writing and I need to get back to writing my blogs.

This principle can also apply to making friends.  If someone doesn’t want to be my friend, I can’t force them.  The best I can do is to meet them halfway. 

So, I’m not going to worry about whether this person or that person is my friend or not, or listens to me or not, or follows me or not (although they should follow God), or whatever or not.  I’m not going to worry on the negatives.  Like the U.S. strategy against the Japanese in World War II, I will island-hop.  I will focus my efforts, time, and energy on my dreams (which needs to come from God), and on positive things.  I will not waste my time on the negatives and on resistance.  If I encounter resistance, I will just go around it.  If I can’t, or if going around it is too lengthy, then I will just pray to God for the walls to fall and then keep trying.  I will ask, seek, and knock.  The main point in this principle is to keep trying, and to keep trying positively.  “If an expert says it can't be done, get another expert” (David Ben-Gurion).


I need to stop worrying about my situation.  I need to stop worrying about my problems.  I should just seek God.  Seeking God is easy, or should be.  Let God direct my flow.  If I encounter resistance, I should give it to God.  Many times, when I do that, He tells me what to do and it becomes easy.  If people say no or they reject me, I should seek God first and evaluate myself.  If I find myself blameless, then I will just move on.  Maybe I’m expanding the flow like water principle but this principle reminds me of what I’ve did wrong.  (PS: I have been trying to do this but I need to work on my discipline)

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Most Important / The worst Steven

3/4/2015: Most Important / The worst Steven

9:57am – 10:58am

I want to write something now, so people will think I’m a sucky writer.  I want to post my other blog but I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.

The client I had my case with, she knows she has a problem.  She knows she wants to change.  But it is the cravings that threaten to destroy her.  She knows what the dangers of addiction can cause.  I told her that.  We explained together.  It takes time away from other things.  Time is life.

Trying to help her, I am reminded of my own vulnerability.  I also have my cravings.  I’m not sure if I’m addicted to it but I do feel that I really want to play computer games.  Other people tell me oh I like to watch movies or oh I like watch TV shows but I always tell them that playing games is better.  Why?  Because you don’t just use your eyes.  You use your eyes, your hands, your mind, and sometimes, your heart.  And I’m not counting those games that just require manual dexterity.  I hate those games too, well, not really but I relatively suck at them as well.  I’m talking about games that require you to think.  Puzzles that bring a challenge and fun that this world cannot provide. 

-

My transitional skills class I taught on Sunday.  It was supposed to be an hour and thirty minutes long.  I only taught for thirty minutes.  It was supposed to be about time management.  I did not talk about time management.  For a class like this, I need hours, probably five hours, to prepare, and even that, not fully.  I only had an hour and a half (depending since I was also making breakfast or lunch and playing games). 

Instead, I lied down on my bed and started thinking.  The self-help articles I read the day before helped me.  If I only have one hour to prepare, what should I do?  I thought about making a time management quiz.  I tried that, but, in the end, it didn’t work because it took too long and I wasted twenty minutes due to the effort.  I thought, if I only have limited time, I’m going to focus on what is most important.  Then, I remembered what my pastor at Ignite taught about time and purpose.  The sermon was so good that I actually took notes on my cellphone (yes, there’s an app for that :) ) and wrote them on my computer afterwards.  She said that if we are in our purpose then we will not waste time.  We will not waste time because we will always be doing what we are meant to do. 

So there I go.  I only have a little time left.  I want to use that time to teach what is most important.  Time management is just the tools.  If a person has no purpose or mission then time management is mostly useless.  I told myself half of time management is about knowing what to do, is about knowing your purpose.

So, I included these questions and points based from the sermon:

1) Seek God: The more you seek God, the more your life will be clear to you.  Air superiority- Spiritual world affects physical world.
2) What is most dominant in your mind?
3) What are you most passionate about?  What is your passion?
4) What do you pursue the most?
5) What releases your compassion?  Whatever releases your compassion is your purpose.
6) What makes you angry?  What releases in you a holy anger?
7) What can you do for free?  Whatever you find fulfilment in doing without getting paid.

I concluded the class with a quote, “The greatest tragedy in life is for you to live your life and not ever ever step into your purpose” and “stop wasting time, you are created with a purpose.”

I asked the class for any questions and comments and one resident raised his hand.  He told me the class today is very religious and there might be other residents that don’t share the same beliefs as me.  I anticipated his question but I still appeared to have trouble answering his question.  And, my eyes hurt.  Well, not hurt but sore and it’s been sore for weeks now probably because I spent too much time on my computer and lack of exercise.  I told him that I understand that other people may share a different religion and I respect that.  But, I said that almost everyone here probably believes in a higher power and that we are created and not here by chance.  The points I am saying is good and even if someone from a different faith hears it, they are likely to agree.  I’m not admonishing or giving them the judgment of God, but rather, the other half.  I’m giving them what people want to hear.  And, regardless of religion or faith, the questions of finding your purpose still has practical applications for everyone.  Lastly, I mentioned that the halfway house is named Dismas Charities and it is founded by a Catholic priest.  On saying that, another resident complained and said if this is Dismas’ mission, then Father Diersen  would be rolling on his grave.  I acknowledged his complaint and added that part of Dismas’ mission is to “heal the human spirit” (http://www.dismas.com/50-years-of-healing-the-human-spirit/) and that we might be doing a good job of it. But, I told him that this facility does have a mission and that is what matters.

Walking out, I felt this is the worse class I have taught.  I told the residents that I really have no experience with the offender population but that I am still trying and will do my best.  Well, do my best given my circumstances will be a better term.  But, I felt encouraged that when I told the class to write those purpose questions down, many of them did write it.  It may be my worse class but I felt I taught what mattered. 

If a person only has a few months to live, I wouldn’t teach that person math or social work.  I would tell that person about God and his grace.  I would focus on what is most important. 

S (first initial only), who is heading a women group after my class, asked me how it went.  I kind of avoided that question and talked about other subjects.  She was the one who “graded” my transitional skills class last week.  Since I came to Dismas early, she tipped me that she will attend my class.  Luckily, I had five hours to prepare for that.  I gave my class and we both agreed that it was great.  But, I should have added more interaction.  I see other interns with their classes and they all seem to mix with them more comfortably and effectively and there was more interaction.  All of them have more experience than me.  One of them was an offender himself and the other was a counselor and headed parenting groups in her workplace.  Not fair.  :(  :)  Funny how I went from my best to my worse class in a week.  Well, it may not be the worse class.  Only God can see and know that.  What matters is that I do my best and trust in Him and not let my cravings get the best of me.

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My grades in social work are inflated.  If this was a nursing program, I would have failed, again.  This week has been a death valley week for many of us, well, or maybe just me.  We have two major assignments due and I could barely do them.  I told C (first initials only) that I made kind of a promise to myself.  I will still do the work, I will still finish the race.  It may not be the best Steven or the good Steven; it may be the worse Steven, the depressed Steven, the sad Steven, but the work will still be Steven’s, it will be Steven-quality.  :p  And due to the stress, I forgot to turn in my SOAP assignment.  I just lost 10% of my grade.  :(  Yes, it hurts a lot to me.  But, I still did it anyways (basically, I wrote a draft in class but I forgot to type it and submit it to blackboard which pisses me off even more).  I asked my professor that even though I won’t get any points for it, or I hope I’m wrong, I still would like the feedback.  Thinking about this ordeal, I reasoned that my grades last semester are overinflated.  I felt I didn’t try as hard as other students but I still got good grades.  Maybe God is just judging me and balancing my grades out.  It still hurts.  I may not get good grades this semester.  But, I will still focus or try to focus on what is most important.