4 October 2014: The Beta-Alpha Male
S: 2:52am
E: 3:48am
Maybe I’m right and what these “experienced” people or what
the world is telling me is wrong. The
way of violence, the way of alpha male, the particular way that a man has to
dress or wear. They telling me that I
have to do this because I’m a “man.” “Man”
is just a social construct.
Their way is the way most of ------------------ went. They drink,
they get drunk, many drive. They do
reckless behaviors, they get into fights.
I know -------- that don’t make it,
others that are hurt. Is their way
really the best way? Are they true when
they mock my way saying I’m inexperienced, too nervous, careful, wussy. Is it wrong for me not to intervene in a
deadly situation when my life may be at risk?
Yet, the establishment proves me to be right. They told him to leave, ----------------------------.
There are more than one right answer, and some are more
right than others. First, I lack the realization
of what is going on. I lack the
knowledge. I lack it because I chose to
follow my way of peace, of safety. Yet,
to be well-rounded and as a future social worker, I try to learn from the other
side. To directly intervene, without authoritative
help, would be folly. I chose to quietly
step inside and to calmly pray about it.
I did make a mistake though. I
only thought of informing the barkeep.
But, they knew quickly what was going on and they intervened.
I prefer to be neutral outwardly. Outwardly, it may seem I’m walking the fine
line between good and evil. I do this to
protect myself, to stay out of trouble.
Prisoners who don’t get involved in other people’s disputes tend to save
their own skin. But inwardly? That is the part people don’t see and the
part that I strive to be. Inwardly, I am
good. I fight, when I’m not overwhelmed,
by praying and following my intuition and logic. By social terms, I am the beta male. I tend to fight indirectly, passive-aggressive
style. Knowing that the spirit is
supreme, I fight in that realm. I do not
act on impulse but think carefully and logically. I look at things honestly. I am open to being with people different from
me, like what happened today, and to learn from their strengths and
weaknesses. I am not totally good, not
totally evil, but I learn from both and take the best of both. But, I know that good is supreme because good
is life and human beings have life.
Maybe I am right all along.
Maybe being humble. Maybe being
single, saving money so I can help other people. Maybe not chasing and wasting money on
temporary pleasures but spending it instead on human welfare is the right thing
to do. I do have fun, but my type of fun
is free.
It’s okay if someone wants to be outwardly better than
me. It’s okay if I die tomorrow. I am prepared for the worst because I should not
worry about what happens tomorrow. My
influence is not the acute kind that gets people’s attention. It could be, but my influence is more the
chronic kind which makes slow but steady and long-lasting change.
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Add: A person quoted my professor saying that if I am not
getting into trouble, then I am doing something wrong as a social worker. He tells me that social workers fight for
justice. That I should not run and hide
when trouble comes. He tells me it is
unethical. I told him I was following
the law. He said forget the law.
To respond, this argument is similar to the poem “the stronger
wind, the stronger trees” and what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. It assumes that if I am not struggling, or in
this case, getting into trouble, then I am doing something wrong. In a viewpoint, the person is correct. What allows life to grow is struggle. To fight for truth and justice may require me
to be in trouble. But a fallacy he had
is the assumption that I should always get into trouble. Always getting into trouble will get me
killed. I need to pick and prepare my “troubles”
carefully, not just jump into any troubles.
Take calculated risks and not blind risks. The trouble the person is assuming is
troubles for a good cause, not the ones for evil.
In that particular instance, I feel getting into that “trouble”
is not a good idea. A better solution is
to notify the authorities. I may even
vouch against notifying the authorities because what I am doing may be
considered snitching to the participants.
Another solution, in combination with others, is to pray. Praying may lessen and prevent these evil
acts in unseen ways. This behavior is
given that I do not know the participants and I do not really know what is
going on. How do I know what is going
on? By gaining experience. How to gain experience? By staying neutral.
Deeper than staying neutral is being wise. Knowing the end result in the outcome and
choosing the best behavior to have the best outcome. The outcome is not limited to just the event,
but the history of humankind.
How about the law?
Laws serve as guides for people in what to do in typical
situations. But in extraordinary
circumstances, the law may need to be bent or broken for the greater good. Also, since laws serve as a guide, if a
person truly understands the purpose and function of a law, the person may have
the right to break the law. An example
of this is jaywalking across a street.
The purpose of the law against jaywalking is to protect pedestrians from
getting hit from cars in unauthorized crossing areas. However, once a person understands the
purpose of that law, and finds circumstances where the law doesn’t apply, he
can break the law. If the person
crossing the street carefully looks both directions and sees no cars coming,
for example, the person may cross the street without the fear of being hit by a
vehicle. The law is broken but the
person is still safe.
PS: Actually, sometimes I go indirect (passive-aggressive),
other times I take a more direct approach.
I don’t really know myself. More often
than not though, I use an indirect approach.
An indirect approach is not bad.
I consider praying, empathy-response actions, acting wisely given the
situation, to be indirect. Most problems
are too big to be solved directly at once.
