2014.5.19: Expanding my blog [Discovery / Bright Ideas]

2014.5.19: Expanding my blog

S: 8:09pm

E: 8:33pm

A few weeks ago, I decided that the best way to express myself and reach my potential is to not write only one discovery with various ideas and topics in one blog but to expand my blogs to my fields of interest.  I did some major searching and soul searching and I decided, at least for the time being, that expanding my blog will be better for me in the long run.  I can specialize, I can be more organized, and it may gain more readers.  I also care about the financial aspects of it too, you know, just not as much as most people (I think).

So, my main discovery or “my story with God” will be expanded into seven categories.  I will list and describe them each.

1) Steven Yeh’s Discovery

My original discovery since 2003.  This “discovery” will cover my daily happenings or the stories of my life. 

2) Steven Yeh’s Monologs with God [mostly secret]

This offshoot of my discovery is primarily concerned with my communication with God.  Sometimes I would communicate to God through writing.  It will be mostly secret and saved in my computer. 

3) Steven Yeh’s Journal of Military Strategies

I added the word “journal” to make it sound more professional.  :)  Well, to me it is a journal.  This section will detail my research on various military strategies, something I have an interest in.  Note that these strategies can also be applied in the real world, not just in warfare. 

4) Bright Ideas with Steven Yeh

Another trait characteristic of me is being innovative.  In this part, I will share any ideas I have that is not related to efficiency.  Well, it depends, but I will use wisdom to discern which goes where.

5) Improving Efficiency and Learnings with Steven Yeh

Being efficient is one of my character traits.  In this blog, I will write methods and ideas on how people, like me, can be more efficient in daily living and in life.  I will also share my knowledge on a topic that I discovered.

6) Steven Yeh’s Music Video Productions

Believe it or not, there is a media side of me.  :)  I used to regularly publish music videos on YouTube back when I was in the Army and I plan to continue this tradition.  I want to do this and I will find a way.

7) Steven Yeh’s Other Reviews

I also like to review works that other people have made, whether it is a song, book, idea, or anything related.  So, I devoted an entire section just for critiquing.

I know time is always a factor and I have broken my promise of one writing a week.  That is my goal, but I may not always reach that goal.  Yet, I will still aim for that goal. 

Hope you enjoy reading and I look forward to my diversification. 

2014.5.11 [Discovery]

2014.5.11

S: 12:09am

E: 12:57am

I’m feeling restless right now so I cannot sleep.  I’ve decided to write on my discovery.  I would like to write my discovery but a lot things get in the way.  Among them is games.  I really do feel games, mass media, TV, movies, all these things take away the potential in our lives.  It’s easy to indulge, to have excess, in them. 

Two weeks ago, I had a SASW (Student Association of Social Workers) meeting.  I remember afterwards, I was fixed on going home.  I recently changed my diet to one meal a day for health reasons and I want to strictly adhere to it.  On the way down, I thought about attending the Intervarsity Christian Fellowship but decided not to.  That is until J came out and saw me.  He told me join but I told him my plans.  Then he said something memorable.  He said something along the lines of  “Jesus is the bread of life.  What’s better than having spiritual bread?  Forget about eating.”  His words changed my mind.  I went there and had a good time.  Towards the end, we decided to go eat at Chipotle and Wingstop.  I had a struggle there too.  Part of me wants to go to hang out with them, yet, another part of me doesn’t want to go for financial reasons.  I waited until the very end before I decided to go.  I’m glad I went.  I was about to socialize and talk to my brothers and sisters.

By reading this, some people may think I no longer love God.  That is incorrect.  I still love God.  He is the reason why I’m still alive.  However, I spent most of my time with God alone.  I prefer it.  Well, part of me prefers group.  It’s hard to tell.

I’m facing a lot of struggles, a lot of insecurities, a lot of worries.  I don’t think I can make it.  If I can’t see myself succeeding, if I can’t see myself winning, then I will probably lose.  That is partly from like experience.  Of course with God, everything is possible, but.  But it’s hard for me to spend time with Him, even if I want to, even if my spirit wants to.  I just end up doing other things like playing games.  Although, I have to say, it is better than before.  I am able to get a lot of things done, but I still spend a lot of time on computer games.  I might have Internet Gaming Disorder as listed in the DSM-V.  Before the Army, it was severe, now, it’s probably mild or moderate.  I really hope it’s just mild.  I actually hope I can be cured.  I would play games for a stretch and then feel guilty about wasting time.  This causes me to have a time of productivity.  Then I may play games again and feel guilty again. 

I find my best time to worship, to talk to God, or to myself and this write this discovery, is at night.  There is something special in the end, in darkness, at night.  I kind of wish my room can be pitch black at will so I can spend time with God.

I love singing, I would sing at night.  It helps me drive away my loneliness.  I wish I was back in the Camp Arifjan in Kuwait.  Not the work, but the amenities.  Everything is local and safe there.  I remember walking or jogging at the half-mile track at night listening, singing, and praying to God.  I miss those times.  Now, I can’t just go out into the streets singing or praying.  It would be unsafe.  And when I do pray or sing aloud, I just whisper it with my earplugs on.  That way, soldiers would think I’m just singing along with my music when in reality, I’m praying to God.

   Ask God for help and ask God to send angels and ask God to change the evil into good (transfer).

I’m just going to write anything.  Anything goes.  :)  Sometimes, I can’t sleep at night because I’m restless.  I’m restless because I feel I’m not done with my day yet.  I feel a longing unfulfilled.  I’m happy that I can always just talk to God and myself.  That alleviates the pain a lot.  If I can’t talk to God, I would go crazy. 

That brings the question, why not I be more sociable.  The fact is, I think I am.  I make active steps to be with people.  I join organizations on campus, run for leadership, and make sure my days are scheduled around people.  But, there are times when, I don’t know, I want to be alone.  Sometimes I feel I want to be alone and not alone at the same time. 

When I talk on the phone about my life, some people tell me that I’m always negative, that they can see something is “not right.”  Like a horror movie, I would inquire and that person would say “I’m not saying something is wrong….”  I think the reason why I’m so negative when expressing myself openly is because life to me is so negative.  I try but life is still negative.  I try, with God, and life gets better, however, I cannot be with God all the time.  My heart and my flesh fails.  I am a realist.  I see my troubles, worries, and future and I don’t know if I’m going to make it.  Why should I try so hard on something and fail in the end?  That’s why many times I just seek God, talk to God. 

I don’t want to publish my blogs because people may treat me differently.  I’m still the same person as they see, I just have a different way of seeing things, but, all in all, I’m still normal to them. 

What do I really want?  I want God but, again, what do I really want?  I think it’s ironic that I write so much and talk so much to myself but I still don’t know myself very well.  Well, I do know myself, I just, am indecisive.  Actually, there are times when I don’t know myself despite my efforts. 

Jesus keep me near the cross,

There a precious fountain,

Free to all the healing stream,

Flows from Calvary’s fountain.

There are times in my life, thanks to God, that songs just come up to me.  I would hum, sometimes sing, or listen to them on my computer.  I have dreams but, at least at this time, I’m too weak to accomplish them.  I still try though, I still sing. 

I feel, there are times, like this, that I can talk to myself and to God forever.  Just as some people can sleep forever, just kidding, I like to sleep too.  :)  I feel if I can talk to myself enough, with God of course, I can resolve any personal or any problem.  Knowing that God is in control and that everything will be okay in the end calms me.  Should I move out of the United States so I can be safer from the end times?  Well, I already have eternal life.  I should not try to save my life but to lose it for Him.  I could add references (Bible book, chapter and verse) but I’m too lazy.  I understand and a Christian who understands the Bible should also understand it.

One thing that is kind of funny that I remembered is my 1-month Bible reading plan.  I made that plan, I recall writing it in my blog years ago, because someone said the world might end in 2011.  So, to prepare myself, I created a 1-month Bible reading plan using Excel that covers the whole book.  I divided up into different categories such as “history, law of Moses, the Gospel, Prophecy, etc.”  In the beginning, I made good progress, but I got further and further behind.  That plan I made was unrealistic.  I mean, it could be realistic, if I treat it like my finals and study 24/7.   That 1-month plan became a half-year plan which became a 1-year plan.  I remember I was so happy when I reached the half-way point.  I am still on that plan!  But, I am almost done.  I’m almost done reading the Bible.  I read it about in the Book of Revelations, You read it too….  I have about 15 to 20% left.  Yay!  Reading the Bible, the bread, is essential for every Christian and I try to read it every day. 

I don’t want to judge people because God will be judge.  I don’t want to say that they are wrong, well, if my conscience, which is from God, tells me that they are wrong, then maybe I should tell them, prudently and with love.  If I know, through wisdom/discernment, that they will take offence or it harms the future, then I won’t.  The prudent man keeps silent because the times are evil (Amos 5:13).  I don’t want to get revenge because it is the Lord who avenges.  I take revenge by crying out to God concerning the injustice. 

Ok, I need to go to sleep now.  Today is already Mother’s Day and I have church tomorrow.  It is 12:53am now so I probably would be late.  Sigh.  Whether late or not, I try to attend for God.  I know punctuality is important to some people but God sees the heart.  I already have my defenses.  :p  But no, my defenses comes from God. 

I am planning to publish and return back to public life, but I need reserves first. 

God loves you.  No, to say that might be offensive to some people.  Fine, I love you.  But no again, what if I’m lying?  Fine, I will try to love you.  Why?  Because my God is the God who tries.  :)

4/19/2014 [Discovery]

4/19/2014:

S: 7:21pm

E: 8:04pm

Today, I went to my church Easter event.  I want to write my discoveries because I feel it’s important.  There’s so much to write, mainly about the plot, that I don’t know how to write anymore.

To start, today was a semi-rainy day.  I had mixed feelings about that.  Part of me became happy because then it probably means the event may be cancelled.  That will give me more time to do my schoolwork.  But then, knowing D, they probably would have another alternative event planned.  I also thought since Easter isn’t really a Christian holiday, that probably God didn’t approve it so He made it rain.  Another side of me hoped the event could take place.  It would be a great experience not only for me but for my church community.  It would be good for the kids.  And, we spent a lot of time, especially D, on the preparations. 

I have to wake up early again today.  I feel like my life is changing… somewhat.  Yesterday, my HBSE (human behavior and social environment) group from class met to work on our pictoral assignments.  I suck at waking early.  I prefer to start my day later.  I feel like even though I value being alone, I am, probably through circumstances outside my control, becoming more social. 

I woke up early to take someone.  I made the time and, to a lesser extent, sacrifice, because it would be a good experience for that person.  Even though it was raining when I drove to his house, I am confident that we will have an Easter event.  At least, I am still going to show up at church at 8:30am and report and try. 

To save gas, I now listen to my music not on my car stero, unless I’m carrying passengers, then they can listen to some positivity encouraging Christian music, but from my mp3 player.  In the beginning it was rough because I would turn my car on first and then “oops, I forgot to turn on my mp3 player,” so I fumbled with getting my music player ready while the car engine is still running.  I probably use more gas in the beginning, but I got better.  The music quality is also much better.  I am less disturbed by the outside traffic and environment. 

So today, while getting there, my car hydroplaned.  It hydroplaned at 15-25mph.  I mean seriously?  My car tires actually hydroplaned and I lost control of the vehicle going 25mph (and it was under light rain).  Luckly, there wasn’t anyone on my left lane because I went halfway into their lane.  I could feel the tires hydroplaning and my instinct is to hit the brakes.  But, hitting the brakes made the skidding worse.  Then I remembered what I learned in the military that I should not hit the brakes but steer the wheel towards the skid and try to regain control.  It was too late for me to act on what I remembered but, praise God, I did stop.  I went the rest of the way being cautious and timing the stupid traffic lights.  Braking even 25mph towards a traffic light at a safe distance is risky so I told myself to go when it’s yellow when, in normality, I would’ve stopped.  My version of stopping is, if I can’t pass the intersection completely before the lights turn red, I will stop. 

Actually, all this could be preventable.  During winter break, I ordered a new set of tires.  Four in all.  I did some research on quality and price and brought what I thought was the best deal.  I brought them and had them shipped to my room because I thought I could put them on myself.  All there is to putting tires is just taking  the old one off and putting the new, deflated ones back on, right?  Wrong.  I quickly tried to learn how to install new tires straight from the box and I found it to be not that simple.  First, I need to set the beads or keeping the air in the tire.  For that, there are two methods.  First is what many mechanics call the “redneck” method.  Which is to line the circumference with flammable liquids and lighting it with a lighter.  The whole tire will momentarily be like hot wheels and will make a “voomp!” sound, filling and sealing the tire with air.  Other methods to set the beads requires advanced machinery, money that I can’t afford or don’t want to buy.  The second method involves driving the car tires onto the new tires, to break it so air can remain inside the tires.  Without these methods, any attempt to inflate car tires (and I was planning to use my bicycle pump) will just result in air leaking out.  I don’t want to risk my life setting my new tires on fire and I don’t have a buddy to help me watch when I drove over my new tires so both options are unacceptable to me.  Driving over my new tires in an attempt to break it might result in me damaging my tire rims if I miss, which are the only rims I have.  I thought inflating the car tires will just be like inflating bicycle tires.  I also brought some green slime to inject in to prevent future tire damage.  I was wrong.  It was a lot more complicated than I thought but at least I learned something from my efforts. 

The next part, even if I am able to add air to my new tires, is to balance them.  Something that is even more impossible.  Advanced machinery to balance car tires costs thousands of dollars.  I shopped around for a manual method and the best, coming from Harbor Freight Tools, costs around $100 (or $200?).  It involves setting and spinning the tires and adding tire weights so the rotation of the tires can go more smoothly.  Failing to perform this step may cause uneven tire tread wear and thus shorten the life of my tire.  Additionally, it would unbalance the weight distribution of my vehicle (?), damaging it.  And I thought installing new car tires would be easy.  Go me.  No, but I’m happy that I made an attempt.  Now I have four tires just sitting in my room, taking up space.  I thought about going to a professional to install them, but then I remembered my dad’s words that the car tires are relatively new and I should save money by not replacing them.  However, the car mechanics who performed oil changes to my car warned me, on multiple occasions, that my tire tread is running out.  Who should I listen to?  I wanted to save money, and I trust my dad’s judgment so I decided to delay changing my car tires.  Maybe I should get my tires changed now. 

I wrote so much and I didn’t even get to write what I wanted to write about!  Well, I’ll write later, maybe after I finish “dinner.”  I’m trying to eat only one meal a day now, short answer being I can be more efficient.  In fact, I think “efficiency” should be my middle name.  More on that later.  Let me eat.  

4/15/2014: Storing up for the coming storm [Discovery / Bright Ideas]

4/15/2014: Storing up for the coming storm

S: 11:33pm

E: 11:51pm

This week is the time of Passover.  During this time, I am reminded of how Joseph saved Egypt.  In the story in Genesis, God told Joseph that Egypt will have seven years of plenty along with seven years of famine.  Joseph was able to use God’s vision to save Egypt.  He saved Egypt by storing up the extra grain during the years of plenty for use when the famine comes.  Likewise, on a microlevel, we should learn this story and practice it in our daily lives.

Many Americans and America in general or even the whole world seems to be misusing their years of “plenty.”  They feast, party, enjoy, and waste away the good times.  However, when the bad times come, many are caught unprepared.  They may run into financial, relationship, or physical problems.  Had they used the good times more wisely, to save and prepare for the bad times, as Joseph did, they would have had a better outcome when times are bad.

I am inspired by this story and the interpretation.  God gave all of us a time for everything.  We all have good times and bad.  By learning this story and analyzing it, I know what to do with my life when times are good.  I need to use my good times to build up and prepare for the eventual bad times.  I need to be diligent and not lazy or wasteful when times are good.

2014.4.10 An open-ended group [Discovery]

2014.4.10 An open-ended group

S: 10:48pm

E: 11:30pm

It has been a long time since I wrote a journal.  Why did I stop writing?  It is partly due to many reasons.  I don’t want to be judged and I don’t want to deal with the attention.  I’m busy with school.  I feel that my journals are just the same over and over again; that there is nothing new under the sun, at least my sun :).  Oh and many of my experiences have been negative and I don’t want to fill my blogs with negativity.  It’s not good for the tone.  :p 

But, I’m still going to write.  Even if it’s going to be a repeat or a spin-off of the past, I’m still going to try to share. 

Part of the reason why I don’t want to write is because people don’t completely understand me and they will prematurely judge me.  Only God fully knows me so I just talk to Him. 

I can say, at least partially, that I am feeling a little bit of compassion fatigue.  I feel stressed out but I do set limits and I let people or organizations know that I do say “no.” 

Many of the things I want to share are too personal or deep.  Too much self-disclosure, way more than two shovelfuls.  :p  But the purpose of this journal, of this discovery, of my story with God, is to share my life. 

I still get hit or hurt, despite the Army, by circumstances outside my control or at least by situations where I do not have full control.  It’s easy to blame the victim.  It’s easy to say that a person failed because s/he is too weak.  What many people don’t see is that the environment plays a huge factor on whether a person can succeed or fail.  Sure, there are a few exceptions.  A person raised in gang-riddled, unsafe, underclass neighborhood can still be doctor, but it will be much easier, in terms of willpower, for a person to become a doctor in a pleasant, Boardwalk neighborhood.  Put the same person in two vastly different neighborhoods and you will almost always get two different outcomes. 

To touch briefly, I applied to two legal assistance centers for my social work internship next year.  Personally, I feel I’m open to anything but if I have to choose, I guess those are my choices. 

I guess in life, it is just to love God and to love people.  I tried other measures but they all failed or I saw that it wouldn’t be as good as love.  Love never fails.  Of course I may fail because I’m not god but I will still do my best to love every day. 

This blog will be an open-ended group.  I may keep repeating myself because I feel it is important to me at that time.  My excuse for saying what I have already said is that I may have new members (that is, readers) in my group.  :p 

And also, the frequency of my journals may be irregular.  I don’t want to feel more stress that I have to write and I prefer to write when I feel like writing, like in the past.  So, this may be my last blog or I’ll have another one coming in five minutes (I highly doubt it).  :)

Terrorist and Emergency Preparation [Discovery / Bright Ideas]

Hello everyone!  It's been a long time, but well, I'm back!

I was gone for a long time partially due to schoolwork and I had some private battles.

I will continue to post blogs and/or posts but I cannot promise its frequency.  I enabled Google AdSense to help compensate my work.  

This entry is actually a discussion I submitted for my occupation health class at University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP).  I feel it could also be beneficial for the posting to be part of this blog.  I wrote the posting in short order.

--

Since September 11, 2001, most Americans realized the possibility of a new type of warfare, that done by terror groups to terrorize people.  There are many reasons why these people commit these atrocities.  They might perform these acts due to ideological reasons, to attract attention, or because they are mentally unstable.  The El Paso area has many targets that might be attractive to terrorists.  First, El Paso has high-profile targets such as the newly-built stadium that hosts the El Paso Chihuahuas, museums in downtown El Paso, and landmark educational facilities such as UTEP.  Speaking of UTEP, there was a bomb threat last year in March, making this threat very real in our community.  Second, financial targets in El Paso such as banks are also likely terrorist targets.  They are lucrative to the terrorist and many terrorist groups want to destabilize America’s financial infrastructure, such as the attacks on the World Trade Center in 1993 and 2001.  Third, population-dense targets are a target for terrorists.  Possible targets in this domain include major shopping places like malls and Wal-Mart, popular restaurants, and movie theaters.  The Colorado shooting at a movie theater in 2012 highlights this possibility.  

With these threats a real possibility, many of these places mentioned have established measures and counter-measures to face it.  Fort Bliss, for example, has the Force Protection Condition (FPCON) measures to counter terrorist actions.  Each increasing level, from alpha to delta, introduces more stringent security measures such as id checks, patrols, closed entrance point(s), and base lockdown.  Many buildings in Fort Bliss also have placards on the walls informing personnel on what to do when there is an active shooter or a bomb threat.  Our university, UTEP also has measures to protect itself against terrorist threats.  The school has regular campus police patrols on campus.  They offer security escorts for students for their safety.  There are blue phone boxes scattered around the campus for students to report an emergency.  They also have an emergency management plan that details what to do when there is an active shooter, bomb threat, or an NBC attack.  Appendix V of the emergency management plan details actions to be taken in case of a terrorist attack. 

I believe I am somewhat prepared for a terrorist attack.  My lifestyle is accommodating to being mobile and accustomed to rapid changes since I’m single and I live alone.  I’m also a do-it-yourself type of guy.  I do prepare for emergencies.  I have spare supplies of necessities such as batteries, food, and water.  I even have some MRE’s left over from my time in the Army.  : )  I have another form of transportation besides my car, which is my bicycle.  In case of a terrorist attack where the streets are jammed, I can still move around with my bike.  I have camping gear in my room.  Last but not least, I also have a defensive weapon to protect myself.

I can be more prepared if I can live in a less populated area with my own property to perhaps have a vegetable garden or plant fruit trees to sustain myself.

An underestimated part of emergency or terrorist preparedness is in the mental and spiritual realm.  My belief in God gives me a mindset to prepare for the end times.  I try to make peace with God on a regular basis which can give me calmness when the world is falling apart.  To quote a well-known Christian hymn, “When all around my soul gives way / He then is all my hope and stay.”