Spiritual Warfare (NES, PC game, 1992)

2015.9.17: Spiritual Warfare (NES, PC game, 1992)

11:44am – 12:55pm

One memorable game from my childhood is this Spiritual Warfare game published by Wisdom Tree in 1992.  The goal of this game is to evangelize people by throwing the fruits of the Spirit at them and to defeat the various mini-bosses (which is always a challenge), and finally, Satan.  You win the game when you saved the whole city.  As always, I’m into these RPG/Action-type games.  Screenshots of the game can be found at the end of this blog.

A concept I remembered that is important for the Christian walk is endurance.  Just as we need physical endurance to finish a race or to exert our body for an extended period of time, we need spiritual/soulical endurance to handle the stresses of life and to follow God’s principles in this world.

One of the key factors that got me through my Army experience is realizing that I need endurance and then focusing on this attribute.  Recently, however, I find myself lacking this trait.  When I drive on the street and drivers do an injustice on me, I get angry.  When life becomes hard, I want to take the easy way out and I become frustrated.  When people close to me say or do something that is mean, I get offended.  I would cry out to God, yes, but I would cry out to Him for justice, and maybe vengeance and revenge.  I believe measured justice is ok (Matthew 5:38), but I also need to pray that that punishment can bring that person to God.  But, after talking to my mentor, maybe I shouldn’t even think about justice.  God will bring justice anyways because it is in his character.  What I should do is to pray for their salvation and forgive them. 

I realized that those symptoms of anger, frustration, and offense are signs that my spiritual endurance is weakening.  My spirit is under stress but I don’t have enough “muscle” to endure it.  So, I am going to focus on this attribute again.

In the game Spiritual Warfare, “endurance” or “hit points” is measured by the amount of hearts the character has.  I used to think of that as physical hit points.  Once those bad guys beat you up too much, you lose the game.  But, now, I realized that those hit points are not physical in nature, but spiritual. I will get hurt; I will get hit; but will I continue to evangelize?  In spiritual warfare, for both definitions, you lose when you give up. 

God, increase my faith and endurance so I can have more hearts.  And, in the morning, fill those hearts up (or me up) so I can endure the difficulties of life [and the Christian walk]. 

P.S.

If you want to play and download the game: http://gamefabrique.com/download/spiritual-warfare/

Spyware checked (using Spybot)

Note: For Windows 10, set the program file to Windows 95 compatibility, disable display scaling, and run as admin on the “Compatibility” tab in the “Properties” window.  Once you run the game, open it using the “Genesis” option in the “File” menu and then press Esc for full screen.  :)

Some screenshots of the game:

Theme song for this blog:

Heart Like You

3/17/2015: Heart Like You

1:28am – 2:40am

I just want to be what you want me to be

I just want a heart that’s true.

A heart like you.

God extended my life today.  Today, I was not prepared to give my research presentation for class today.  I already lost 10% of my grade by turning one of my assignments late.  To lose another 10% would be unthinkable.  Yet, in class when the professor drew names, I was spared.  My name was not chosen, but, another woman who was also not prepared was not so lucky.

“I’m not prepared,” she said, and the professor simply drew another name. 

She probably just lost 10% of her grade.  I hear other students say they were angry at her.

“She had the whole spring break,” one of my classmates said, “How can she do that?”

I feel so guilty.  We were both not prepared, yet, she bore the cross for me.  I’m thinking about telling her about this, and, if she’s single, ask her on a date. 

Or, at the very least, go to class next Monday and, before my presentation, tell the class, “To be honest, I was not prepared last Monday and, to be fair, I would like to receive half-credit for my presentation.”

If the professor or classmates persist, I would say, “It is not fair that one of my classmates and I did not prepare, and yet, one of us got full credit and the other got a zero.”

If I fail this class, then so be it.  I would rather do what is right, to have honor, than to take advantage of injustice.  Ironically, this class should be one of the easiest of the social work classes.  There are almost no major papers due, just presentations and SOAP notes that I can finish in five minutes.  Thus, due to the scarcity of the assignments, the assignments that the class does have are weighted more.  Just missing one assignment due to negligence can cost a student the class.  Funny thing is that in my other social work practice class, which is much more intensive with short papers, tests, and assessments to do, I am thriving. 

-

I went to that class late, in a very depressed mood, knowing that if the professor called my name, I am fucked.  I took out a sheet of paper, pretending to take notes, but all I could think about was this song, and the band.  I scribbled the lyrics of this song on my paper.  It is the only thing that comforts me.  Returning to my room after class, I reevaluated my life. 

I realized that God gives grace to the humble.  I have not been seeking God completely, far from it.  I resolved to myself that from now on, I will be humble, to endure, and to have most of my life for God.  More than half my house of representatives and the senate (51%) needs to be for God and my presidency needs to be for God, I joked. 

My classmates tell me that I’m smart, that I should have no issues with my assignments.  One of my classmates told me I could just wing it.  And wing it I did, for much of my academic year, but I can’t wing it this time.  Not if I didn’t even read the research articles I’ve selected.  Not if I didn’t even print the articles to bring to class.  I can’t wing it this time. 

And maybe I’m not that smart.  If I’m stupid enough to lose focus, to lose motivation, to have great difficulty to even start on my assignments during spring break, to struggle with my internship while having been in the Army, than I am not smart.  If I’m stupid enough to think that I can live my life successfully without spending time with God, then I am not smart.  Or I’m just too weak.

Other classmates tell me that playing computer games is not such a bad thing.  “People are addicted to drugs, to alcohol,” a woman told me, “playing games exercises your brain.  It’s a good thing.”  In a way, she is right.  Playing computer games is not such a bad thing.  It does exercise my brain, but, anything that takes the place of God is foolishness.  People can be addicted to work, to family, to working out.  These in and of itself is not bad but it is the amount of time spent on them that destroys.  Being addicted to God, if I can, ironically, is the true antidote that brings freedom. 

            I feel like I have a second wind.  After this near-death experience, I feel strengthened.  But, in a way, I didn’t waste my spring break.  I spent countless hours, the most actually, on my internship and accomplished a lot.  I think another fault I have is I failed to prioritize.  I do focus on the most important things, but, I wanted perfection, so, I spent so much more time and labor on making things perfect while completely ignoring other important objectives so that by the time I get to these other imperatives, I have no desire to start it.  It is better that I do just the basics, a C work all the way and then come back to it, if I have time, to make it better, than for me to do an A work but then earn F’s for all my other work because I’m exhausted. 

            In a way, why am I writing this?  I’m tired.  And on second thought, concerning telling the professor to give me half-credit, I probably won’t do it.  The selfish Steven probably would become dominant and won’t allow me to do it.  But, I must remember that what happened today reminds me of the parable that other branches were cut off so that I can be grafted in.  I still feel so guilty.

2014.5.11 [Discovery]

2014.5.11

S: 12:09am

E: 12:57am

I’m feeling restless right now so I cannot sleep.  I’ve decided to write on my discovery.  I would like to write my discovery but a lot things get in the way.  Among them is games.  I really do feel games, mass media, TV, movies, all these things take away the potential in our lives.  It’s easy to indulge, to have excess, in them. 

Two weeks ago, I had a SASW (Student Association of Social Workers) meeting.  I remember afterwards, I was fixed on going home.  I recently changed my diet to one meal a day for health reasons and I want to strictly adhere to it.  On the way down, I thought about attending the Intervarsity Christian Fellowship but decided not to.  That is until J came out and saw me.  He told me join but I told him my plans.  Then he said something memorable.  He said something along the lines of  “Jesus is the bread of life.  What’s better than having spiritual bread?  Forget about eating.”  His words changed my mind.  I went there and had a good time.  Towards the end, we decided to go eat at Chipotle and Wingstop.  I had a struggle there too.  Part of me wants to go to hang out with them, yet, another part of me doesn’t want to go for financial reasons.  I waited until the very end before I decided to go.  I’m glad I went.  I was about to socialize and talk to my brothers and sisters.

By reading this, some people may think I no longer love God.  That is incorrect.  I still love God.  He is the reason why I’m still alive.  However, I spent most of my time with God alone.  I prefer it.  Well, part of me prefers group.  It’s hard to tell.

I’m facing a lot of struggles, a lot of insecurities, a lot of worries.  I don’t think I can make it.  If I can’t see myself succeeding, if I can’t see myself winning, then I will probably lose.  That is partly from like experience.  Of course with God, everything is possible, but.  But it’s hard for me to spend time with Him, even if I want to, even if my spirit wants to.  I just end up doing other things like playing games.  Although, I have to say, it is better than before.  I am able to get a lot of things done, but I still spend a lot of time on computer games.  I might have Internet Gaming Disorder as listed in the DSM-V.  Before the Army, it was severe, now, it’s probably mild or moderate.  I really hope it’s just mild.  I actually hope I can be cured.  I would play games for a stretch and then feel guilty about wasting time.  This causes me to have a time of productivity.  Then I may play games again and feel guilty again. 

I find my best time to worship, to talk to God, or to myself and this write this discovery, is at night.  There is something special in the end, in darkness, at night.  I kind of wish my room can be pitch black at will so I can spend time with God.

I love singing, I would sing at night.  It helps me drive away my loneliness.  I wish I was back in the Camp Arifjan in Kuwait.  Not the work, but the amenities.  Everything is local and safe there.  I remember walking or jogging at the half-mile track at night listening, singing, and praying to God.  I miss those times.  Now, I can’t just go out into the streets singing or praying.  It would be unsafe.  And when I do pray or sing aloud, I just whisper it with my earplugs on.  That way, soldiers would think I’m just singing along with my music when in reality, I’m praying to God.

   Ask God for help and ask God to send angels and ask God to change the evil into good (transfer).

I’m just going to write anything.  Anything goes.  :)  Sometimes, I can’t sleep at night because I’m restless.  I’m restless because I feel I’m not done with my day yet.  I feel a longing unfulfilled.  I’m happy that I can always just talk to God and myself.  That alleviates the pain a lot.  If I can’t talk to God, I would go crazy. 

That brings the question, why not I be more sociable.  The fact is, I think I am.  I make active steps to be with people.  I join organizations on campus, run for leadership, and make sure my days are scheduled around people.  But, there are times when, I don’t know, I want to be alone.  Sometimes I feel I want to be alone and not alone at the same time. 

When I talk on the phone about my life, some people tell me that I’m always negative, that they can see something is “not right.”  Like a horror movie, I would inquire and that person would say “I’m not saying something is wrong….”  I think the reason why I’m so negative when expressing myself openly is because life to me is so negative.  I try but life is still negative.  I try, with God, and life gets better, however, I cannot be with God all the time.  My heart and my flesh fails.  I am a realist.  I see my troubles, worries, and future and I don’t know if I’m going to make it.  Why should I try so hard on something and fail in the end?  That’s why many times I just seek God, talk to God. 

I don’t want to publish my blogs because people may treat me differently.  I’m still the same person as they see, I just have a different way of seeing things, but, all in all, I’m still normal to them. 

What do I really want?  I want God but, again, what do I really want?  I think it’s ironic that I write so much and talk so much to myself but I still don’t know myself very well.  Well, I do know myself, I just, am indecisive.  Actually, there are times when I don’t know myself despite my efforts. 

Jesus keep me near the cross,

There a precious fountain,

Free to all the healing stream,

Flows from Calvary’s fountain.

There are times in my life, thanks to God, that songs just come up to me.  I would hum, sometimes sing, or listen to them on my computer.  I have dreams but, at least at this time, I’m too weak to accomplish them.  I still try though, I still sing. 

I feel, there are times, like this, that I can talk to myself and to God forever.  Just as some people can sleep forever, just kidding, I like to sleep too.  :)  I feel if I can talk to myself enough, with God of course, I can resolve any personal or any problem.  Knowing that God is in control and that everything will be okay in the end calms me.  Should I move out of the United States so I can be safer from the end times?  Well, I already have eternal life.  I should not try to save my life but to lose it for Him.  I could add references (Bible book, chapter and verse) but I’m too lazy.  I understand and a Christian who understands the Bible should also understand it.

One thing that is kind of funny that I remembered is my 1-month Bible reading plan.  I made that plan, I recall writing it in my blog years ago, because someone said the world might end in 2011.  So, to prepare myself, I created a 1-month Bible reading plan using Excel that covers the whole book.  I divided up into different categories such as “history, law of Moses, the Gospel, Prophecy, etc.”  In the beginning, I made good progress, but I got further and further behind.  That plan I made was unrealistic.  I mean, it could be realistic, if I treat it like my finals and study 24/7.   That 1-month plan became a half-year plan which became a 1-year plan.  I remember I was so happy when I reached the half-way point.  I am still on that plan!  But, I am almost done.  I’m almost done reading the Bible.  I read it about in the Book of Revelations, You read it too….  I have about 15 to 20% left.  Yay!  Reading the Bible, the bread, is essential for every Christian and I try to read it every day. 

I don’t want to judge people because God will be judge.  I don’t want to say that they are wrong, well, if my conscience, which is from God, tells me that they are wrong, then maybe I should tell them, prudently and with love.  If I know, through wisdom/discernment, that they will take offence or it harms the future, then I won’t.  The prudent man keeps silent because the times are evil (Amos 5:13).  I don’t want to get revenge because it is the Lord who avenges.  I take revenge by crying out to God concerning the injustice. 

Ok, I need to go to sleep now.  Today is already Mother’s Day and I have church tomorrow.  It is 12:53am now so I probably would be late.  Sigh.  Whether late or not, I try to attend for God.  I know punctuality is important to some people but God sees the heart.  I already have my defenses.  :p  But no, my defenses comes from God. 

I am planning to publish and return back to public life, but I need reserves first. 

God loves you.  No, to say that might be offensive to some people.  Fine, I love you.  But no again, what if I’m lying?  Fine, I will try to love you.  Why?  Because my God is the God who tries.  :)