2015.8.2

2015.8.2

There is a lot of similarity between an evangelist and an insurance sales agent.  One sells the near-future while the other offers the eternal future.  In both professions, I have to talk to people; I have to offer them a product that is better than what they have now. 

I just finished design my business card.  On the front is the usual information: name, address, business logo, etc, but on the other, is a comparison of the change and the status quo (401k, banks, other investment products, I’m not showing the chart b/c I’m not here to advertise).

People don’t like change, they tend to resist it, but in both cases, I have to try; I have to at least plant the seed.  However, one is easier than the other. 

People would want to buy life index fund insurances but they may not want to accept Jesus into their hearts.  The latter carries more responsibilities and consequences. 

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Ok, the following may or may not be censored.  It’s harder for me to write if I have to watch and censor my words and thoughts.  I feel inhibited and people can’t be at their best if they are inhibited.

Today, Pastor Patty preached to us about the importance of having a relationship with God.  She mentions that many life problems such as doubt is caused by a weak relationship with God.  We doubt because we do not trust God and doubt leads to fear and confusion.  No wonder I am so confused with my life.  The only thing I am not confused is the importance of seeking God but even in doing that, I am struggling.  But, I find that the times when I do seek God and spend time with him, I feel peace, and I feel in control of my life.  In a way, it’s ironic.  By seeking God, I gain direction on what to do in the world. 

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Wow, I can’t think right now.  In a way, I’m happy that I got some work done, but in another way, I could have done better.  Even today, I played hours of computer games.  The three areas that are competing each other in my life are God, games, and girls.  Haha.  But, as Helen said, there could only be one: God.  The reason why I’m in the mess I am in now (lack of direction) is because I failed to spend time with God.  I feel I have great potential with Him and I do want to seek Him.  But other things in the world are more alluring.  They are more fun.  They are more exciting, or so it seems, than God. 

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As I said regularly, I feel like killing myself.  I feel like ending my life.  It may seem unthinkable or shocking to some people, but, in a way and as I grow in God, I learn the value of life.  I see life as something to be taken lightly because God is in control and He will be the judge.  The Bible says whoever saves his life will lose it.  Many people who do not know God value their lives because it is the only thing they have.  They are selfish, they refuse to die to themselves, or to sacrifice to help others.  But I know that the value of life depends on the quality of it.  Job said that it is better to be a stillborn child than to live a life of suffering.  If my life feeds and weakens other people, then it is better for me not to live.  It is an act of resistance against poverty and lack.  I don’t want to be homeless and suffer for the rest of my life.  I would rather die.  Or if I do live, then I’ll live for God, but only God.  But many times, actually most of the time, I fail to live for God.  So then, what is the point of my life?  What is my life without God?

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I find that the best way to talk and interact and act around other people is just to let go.  To let go of myself and my agendas and to let them think and act.  To be humble and only say what is needed, for with many words comes strife and sin is not absent.  By avoiding many words, I am also confusing the devil and those who are evil.  They do not know as much as if I would speak more frequently.  Speak just enough and act humbly.  Speak when you can change and with fewer words, you can influence the outcome.  Gold for silence but silver for words.

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Going back to the life debate again, because I know it is very controversial, people should have the right to die.  It should be a right, and an act of freedom.  This can bring equality to the classes.  The rich don’t want the poor to die but they want the poor to suffer.  Why suffer if one can have rest, if one can have peace?  However, should someone choose to die, that person should have a few commitments as possible.  Why did I choose not to die while in the Army?  Because I promised to serve my country and I will be letting my unit down.  So I decided to wait until I’m done.  And I’m single.  If I have a family, with a wife and kids, doing this may be unethical since it will hurt them and probably cause them to die, too.  As few commitments as possible.  Sure, it will “hurt” some people because they do not understand what life is.  If people know that this life is but a phase, is but a prelude, and that eternal life is much more important, then people wouldn’t carry so much meaning in this physical life. 

This world is not my home,

This life is not my own,

But whoever owns me controls me.

They can make me happy or sad

Glad or mad.

No, that is only part of it.  I can change my attitude by changing the way I think.  So it works both ways.  If life is too difficult and there is no way out, seek God.  If you can’t seek God, keep seeking God until you reach your end.  For me, my end is when I have less than $500 in my bank account.  I don’t want to be living on the streets; I don’t want to be homeless.  I don’t want to be harassed and attacked and shamed by people.  I don’t want to be judged by men but by God.  Better death with peace than life with war. 

Jesus loving Jesus,

Sweetest name I know

Fills my every longing

Keeps me singing as I go.

Man’s Mission on Earth

5/11/2015: Man’s Mission on Earth

S: 12:45pm – 1pm

Many times, I ask myself: If God wants us to follow Him, then why does he create the sciences, mathematics, Calculus, etc?  Why does he create the arts, the cultures?  These things won’t last in the next world.

But now, after some reflection and thinking, I know the answer (at least partially).  In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  He created man in his own image.  God told them that their mission is to tend to the garden, the animals, and all that God has made.  Man’s mission from God is to take care of the world.  And humankind was naked.

All that changed when Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the *knowledge* of good and evil.  Shortly after eating that forbidden fruit, the humans sewed fig leaves to cover themselves.  That is the first invention.  The first invention and thing that the humans created was clothing.  Note also that the first inventions came after Adam and Eve has sinned.

Why does God tell us not to eat from the tree of knowledge?  Maybe it’s because God knows that if we do have knowledge, we may use it for evil purposes.  We will be slaves to our flesh. 

So our original purpose in life is to take care of the world.  That was God’s intention.  Lord, help me to take care of this world, to take care of what you have made, to take care of people, for that is your intention. 

So perhaps God’s intention, the reason why he made us, is not for us to get knowledge but rather to simply tend the earth.  If not, why did God forbid Adam and Eve from eating fruit from that tree?  Life before was easy.  We are simply to tend and worship God.  The food will grow by itself.  We are simply to rest in God’s presence.  Perhaps God never intended or wanted us to learn the sciences, the maths, cultures, and other subjects.  

3/5/2015

3/5/2015: (A World without Hope)

End: 3:51pm

In season 4, episode 19 of the X-Files titled “Synchrony,” Jason, Lisa, and Dr. Yonechi discovered time travel, or should I say, will discover time travel.  It sounds awesome, right?  Many times, humankind doesn’t anticipate the consequences of technology.  Such is the theme of this episode.  The elder Jason, the one from the future, tried to destroy his work.  He told the younger Jason that this invention makes it “a world without history, without hope, where anyone can know everything that will ever happen.  I’ve seen that world.”

Let me speculate this for a bit.  What does he mean that he has seen that world, a hopeless world?  If I know my future, if we all know our futures, then its predestination.  If I know I will eventually be a math teacher or a social worker and my future child will go into computer science, then great!  But let’s add socioeconomic status here.  What if a disadvantaged person, someone from the lower or underclass were to be able to see his or her future?  What will their future be like or their children?  Most likely, using statistics, many of them will have a bleak future.  Many of them will continue to be in a cycle of poverty.  What would you do if you are in their situation?  What would you do if you know that three years from now, you will be homeless and in six years you will be gunned down on the street?  And three of your children will be dead in seven years.  Many of them will probably choose to die.  Why live knowing that your future is bleak? 

And if they choose to end the cycle of poverty by death, it will affect everybody else.  The example I gave doesn’t have to be that severe.  What if people know that they will live the remainder of their lives as a wage slave?  This will be a world without hope.  Once the lower classes extinguish themselves, the upper classes will start to collapse, too, since they need the services and labor from the lower classes to maintain their status.  People need hope to live.

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This scenario assumes that time can only go forward, not back.  If time travel can go backwards as well, then many people may want to redo their lives and not make the same mistakes again.  I would like to do the same.  :p  But this possibility then opens up a much bigger reality.  If everyone were to go back in time to correct their mistakes, there may be parallel universes.  Somewhere, I may be a general Steven, a scientist Steven, a pilgrim Steven, or even a hacker Steven.  Ok, it’s getting too confusing.  Time travel is probably not ever going to be feasible.        

If there is a God (of the Bible), and I believe so, then it won’t be feasible because a man reaps what he sows (Gal. 6:7).  What give us hope; what gives me hope is the hope of eternal life, that as long as we try to love and follow Him, we will have a great future.

The Beta-Alpha Male

4 October 2014: The Beta-Alpha Male

S: 2:52am

E: 3:48am

Maybe I’m right and what these “experienced” people or what the world is telling me is wrong.  The way of violence, the way of alpha male, the particular way that a man has to dress or wear.  They telling me that I have to do this because I’m a “man.”  “Man” is just a social construct. 

Their way is the way most of ------------------ went.  They drink, they get drunk, many drive.  They do reckless behaviors, they get into fights.  I know -------- that don’t make it, others that are hurt.  Is their way really the best way?  Are they true when they mock my way saying I’m inexperienced, too nervous, careful, wussy.  Is it wrong for me not to intervene in a deadly situation when my life may be at risk?  Yet, the establishment proves me to be right.  They told him to leave, ----------------------------. 

There are more than one right answer, and some are more right than others.  First, I lack the realization of what is going on.  I lack the knowledge.  I lack it because I chose to follow my way of peace, of safety.  Yet, to be well-rounded and as a future social worker, I try to learn from the other side.  To directly intervene, without authoritative help, would be folly.  I chose to quietly step inside and to calmly pray about it.  I did make a mistake though.  I only thought of informing the barkeep.  But, they knew quickly what was going on and they intervened. 

I prefer to be neutral outwardly.  Outwardly, it may seem I’m walking the fine line between good and evil.  I do this to protect myself, to stay out of trouble.  Prisoners who don’t get involved in other people’s disputes tend to save their own skin.  But inwardly?  That is the part people don’t see and the part that I strive to be.  Inwardly, I am good.  I fight, when I’m not overwhelmed, by praying and following my intuition and logic.  By social terms, I am the beta male.  I tend to fight indirectly, passive-aggressive style.  Knowing that the spirit is supreme, I fight in that realm.  I do not act on impulse but think carefully and logically.  I look at things honestly.  I am open to being with people different from me, like what happened today, and to learn from their strengths and weaknesses.  I am not totally good, not totally evil, but I learn from both and take the best of both.  But, I know that good is supreme because good is life and human beings have life. 

Maybe I am right all along.  Maybe being humble.  Maybe being single, saving money so I can help other people.  Maybe not chasing and wasting money on temporary pleasures but spending it instead on human welfare is the right thing to do.  I do have fun, but my type of fun is free. 

It’s okay if someone wants to be outwardly better than me.  It’s okay if I die tomorrow.  I am prepared for the worst because I should not worry about what happens tomorrow.  My influence is not the acute kind that gets people’s attention.  It could be, but my influence is more the chronic kind which makes slow but steady and long-lasting change. 

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Add: A person quoted my professor saying that if I am not getting into trouble, then I am doing something wrong as a social worker.  He tells me that social workers fight for justice.  That I should not run and hide when trouble comes.  He tells me it is unethical.  I told him I was following the law.  He said forget the law. 

To respond, this argument is similar to the poem “the stronger wind, the stronger trees” and what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.  It assumes that if I am not struggling, or in this case, getting into trouble, then I am doing something wrong.  In a viewpoint, the person is correct.  What allows life to grow is struggle.  To fight for truth and justice may require me to be in trouble.  But a fallacy he had is the assumption that I should always get into trouble.  Always getting into trouble will get me killed.  I need to pick and prepare my “troubles” carefully, not just jump into any troubles.  Take calculated risks and not blind risks.  The trouble the person is assuming is troubles for a good cause, not the ones for evil. 

In that particular instance, I feel getting into that “trouble” is not a good idea.  A better solution is to notify the authorities.  I may even vouch against notifying the authorities because what I am doing may be considered snitching to the participants.  Another solution, in combination with others, is to pray.  Praying may lessen and prevent these evil acts in unseen ways.  This behavior is given that I do not know the participants and I do not really know what is going on.  How do I know what is going on?  By gaining experience.  How to gain experience?  By staying neutral. 

Deeper than staying neutral is being wise.  Knowing the end result in the outcome and choosing the best behavior to have the best outcome.  The outcome is not limited to just the event, but the history of humankind. 

How about the law?  Laws serve as guides for people in what to do in typical situations.  But in extraordinary circumstances, the law may need to be bent or broken for the greater good.  Also, since laws serve as a guide, if a person truly understands the purpose and function of a law, the person may have the right to break the law.  An example of this is jaywalking across a street.  The purpose of the law against jaywalking is to protect pedestrians from getting hit from cars in unauthorized crossing areas.  However, once a person understands the purpose of that law, and finds circumstances where the law doesn’t apply, he can break the law.  If the person crossing the street carefully looks both directions and sees no cars coming, for example, the person may cross the street without the fear of being hit by a vehicle.  The law is broken but the person is still safe.    

PS: Actually, sometimes I go indirect (passive-aggressive), other times I take a more direct approach.  I don’t really know myself.  More often than not though, I use an indirect approach.  An indirect approach is not bad.  I consider praying, empathy-response actions, acting wisely given the situation, to be indirect.  Most problems are too big to be solved directly at once.

2014.1.26: Go Optimism! [Discovery / Bright Ideas]

2014.1.26: Go Optimism!

S: 11:10pm

E: 12:36am

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life….  Ok, I don’t mean to plagiarize.  I have this saying in its entirety pasted on my wall back in my room in Los Angeles.  This phase tells me the importance of a person’s attitude on their life.  How a person thinks, his or her outlook, plays a major part in that person’s life cycle. 

Due to its importance, it is critical for a person to have an optimistic way of thinking and outlook on life.  I want to be with optimistic people and to make optimistic friends.  I want to be with people who see opportunity at night and by day.  I want to be with people who see what is socially constructed as a “lose” or “win” to be a gain, a win, or an opportunity.  I want to be with people who see the glass as half-full first instead of as half-empty. 

Instead of people telling others that they can’t do this or that or being judgmental, I want people who instead ask “Let’s see what we can do.”  And, for goals that seem unreachable, I want them to say “Let’s look at some things we can do to help reach that goal.” 

For example, if someone wants to be like Bill Gates, instead of just dismissing that person’s dreams and aspirations by saying “that’s impossible,” I want people to instead say “OK, let’s see what we can do.”  That person can first learn how to use a computer.  Then, he or she can work on studying and getting a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science.  After that, the person can gain some experience by working for a software company.  After a while, once the person has more experience, he or she can team up or start their business alone.  If that dreamer is persistent, reevaluates his/her progress, and does their best, that person will be able to achieve as close to that person’s dreams as possible.  What I described is just one track or way that person can become like Bill Gates.  Then again, it depends on what that person defines Bill Gates as.  Does he/she want to be a great computer innovator or a rich man/woman?

Robert H. Schuller said that “I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.”  Most successful people, if not all, have an optimistic orientation.  They believe in themselves and in their dreams. 

Being optimistic involves seeing all situations in a positive light.  One of the great Biblical figures who had bad upon bad handed to him is Apostle Paul.  Yet, he states, “When I am weak then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10b).  He knows that in times of his weakness, of troubles, of tribulations or persecutions, he can more easily seek the One who is all-powerful and that he can learn and grow stronger from these windy experiences. 

In the Army I have soldiers tell me that they would just rather die than be me.  “Your life sucks” they say and they would point out all the obvious flaws and weaknesses that I have or may have.  But then, I thought to myself one day in the military, if I can be someone else, who would I be?  I looked at other soldiers.  They seem strong, knowledgeable about their jobs, and/or have many friends.  But I have one thing many of them don’t have: the ability to be with God.  I have God.  I can talk to God.  I can also talk to myself and problem-solve.  I told myself that if I can talk to God, then I can have anything.  So, I’m happy to be me.  I have the better deal. 

One of the foundations of social work is optimism.  Social workers focus on a client’s strengths and empowers the person or group to be all they can be.  The very fact that people try to help those who need help is a mark of optimism.  Pessimistic people might look at the homeless, or offenders, or in Jesus’ time, tax-collectors and sinners, and say “Oh they are homeless, they are hopeless” or “Oh they are offenders, there is no hope for them.”  But no!  We don’t give up on people because God doesn’t give up on them. 

Parents who are pessimistic can give a negative self-fulfilling prophecy to their children.   Children are naturally optimistic.  They would try new things.  They would draw, climb, taste, and do whatever that is pleasing to them or that is interesting.  However, if the parent tells the child, “Your drawing sucks, don’t draw,” or “You can’t even jump right, don’t bother playing basketball,” the classical “You won’t amount to anything” type of speech, then the child will not reach his or her full potential because he/she doesn’t know what their full potential is.  The child won’t try, won’t experiment what their mountain peaks are.  I feel it is safe for me to say that I am not born in an optimistic family.  One of my caretakers will use negative language to motivate me.  That person will say alternations of “You won’t amount to anything.”  That person will not encourage me to try new things.  That person will say I’m “stupid.”  My list is not exhaustive.  Thus, I am brought up in a negative mindset.  I would tend to see what I can’t do instead of what I can do first.  I would focus unduly on my problems and weaknesses instead of my strengths or what I can do about my problems.  I would get depressed a lot.  I am able to change my mind-set slowly by knowing Someone who is optimistic. 

I feel this world is very pessimistic.  People always look at the bad or assume the worse in people first.  Look at the TV shows, the daily news, or magazines.  People are attracted to negative things.  And then there are those people who are optimistic in making others pessimistic.  These people can be anywhere, in the real world or online.  They just seem to do their best in putting others down.  Those who experienced it will know what I mean.

I feel pessimism may be from Satan or the Evil One.  He will always try to discourage us.  He will always tell us, “No, you can’t do this; No you suck,” or “Why don’t you just die….”  God empowers but Satan disempowers. 

I’m happy to know that my God is an optimistic God.  The Lord is “patient… not wanting anyone to perish” (2 Peter 3:9).  He is optimistic that people will turn back to Him.  He sent his son Jesus to die for us in hopes that we can believe in Him.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

In writing about optimism, I want to note that optimism does not mean living in the skies all day and ignoring reality.  We do need to be a realist.  I would say our mindset needs to be 80% optimistic, 20% realistic, and 0% pessimistic. 

In this world, there will always be people who are pessimistic, but the only person who can truly be optimistic is yourself.  “And so it is with you… we are in charge of our ATTITUDES” (Charles R. Swindoll).