3/4/2015: Most Important / The worst Steven
9:57am – 10:58am
I want to write something now, so people will think I’m a
sucky writer. I want to post my other
blog but I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.
The client I had my case with, she knows she has a
problem. She knows she wants to change. But it is the cravings that threaten to
destroy her. She knows what the dangers
of addiction can cause. I told her
that. We explained together. It takes time away from other things. Time is life.
Trying to help her, I am reminded of my own vulnerability. I also have my cravings. I’m not sure if I’m addicted to it but I do
feel that I really want to play computer games.
Other people tell me oh I like to watch movies or oh I like watch TV
shows but I always tell them that playing games is better. Why?
Because you don’t just use your eyes.
You use your eyes, your hands, your mind, and sometimes, your
heart. And I’m not counting those games
that just require manual dexterity. I
hate those games too, well, not really but I relatively suck at them as
well. I’m talking about games that
require you to think. Puzzles that bring
a challenge and fun that this world cannot provide.
-
My transitional skills class I taught on Sunday. It was supposed to be an hour and thirty
minutes long. I only taught for thirty
minutes. It was supposed to be about
time management. I did not talk about
time management. For a class like this,
I need hours, probably five hours, to prepare, and even that, not fully. I only had an hour and a half (depending
since I was also making breakfast or lunch and playing games).
Instead, I lied down on my bed and started thinking. The self-help articles I read the day before
helped me. If I only have one hour to
prepare, what should I do? I thought
about making a time management quiz. I
tried that, but, in the end, it didn’t work because it took too long and I
wasted twenty minutes due to the effort.
I thought, if I only have limited time, I’m going to focus on what is
most important. Then, I remembered what
my pastor at Ignite taught about time and purpose. The sermon was so good that I actually took
notes on my cellphone (yes, there’s an app for that :) ) and wrote them on my
computer afterwards. She said that if we
are in our purpose then we will not waste time.
We will not waste time because we will always be doing what we are meant
to do.
So there I go. I only
have a little time left. I want to use
that time to teach what is most important.
Time management is just the tools.
If a person has no purpose or mission then time management is mostly
useless. I told myself half of time
management is about knowing what to do, is about knowing your purpose.
So, I included these questions and points based from the
sermon:
1) Seek God: The more you seek God, the more your life will
be clear to you. Air superiority-
Spiritual world affects physical world.
2) What is most dominant in your mind?
3) What are you most passionate about? What is your passion?
4) What do you pursue the most?
5) What releases your compassion? Whatever releases your compassion is your
purpose.
6) What makes you angry?
What releases in you a holy anger?
7) What can you do for free?
Whatever you find fulfilment in doing without getting paid.
I concluded the class with a quote, “The greatest tragedy in
life is for you to live your life and not ever ever step into your purpose” and
“stop wasting time, you are created with a purpose.”
I asked the class for any questions and comments and one
resident raised his hand. He told me the
class today is very religious and there might be other residents that don’t
share the same beliefs as me. I
anticipated his question but I still appeared to have trouble answering his
question. And, my eyes hurt. Well, not hurt but sore and it’s been sore
for weeks now probably because I spent too much time on my computer and lack of
exercise. I told him that I understand
that other people may share a different religion and I respect that. But, I said that almost everyone here
probably believes in a higher power and that we are created and not here by
chance. The points I am saying is good
and even if someone from a different faith hears it, they are likely to
agree. I’m not admonishing or giving
them the judgment of God, but rather, the other half. I’m giving them what people want to
hear. And, regardless of religion or
faith, the questions of finding your purpose still has practical applications
for everyone. Lastly, I mentioned that
the halfway house is named Dismas Charities and it is founded by a Catholic
priest. On saying that, another resident
complained and said if this is Dismas’ mission, then Father Diersen would be rolling on his grave. I acknowledged his complaint and added that
part of Dismas’ mission is to “heal the human spirit” (http://www.dismas.com/50-years-of-healing-the-human-spirit/)
and that we might be doing a good job of it. But, I told him that this facility
does have a mission and that is what matters.
Walking out, I felt this is the worse class I have taught. I told the residents that I really have no
experience with the offender population but that I am still trying and will do
my best. Well, do my best given my
circumstances will be a better term.
But, I felt encouraged that when I told the class to write those purpose
questions down, many of them did write it.
It may be my worse class but I felt I taught what mattered.
If a person only has a few months to live, I wouldn’t teach
that person math or social work. I would
tell that person about God and his grace.
I would focus on what is most important.
S (first initial only), who is heading a women group after
my class, asked me how it went. I kind
of avoided that question and talked about other subjects. She was the one who “graded” my transitional
skills class last week. Since I came to
Dismas early, she tipped me that she will attend my class. Luckily, I had five hours to prepare for
that. I gave my class and we both agreed
that it was great. But, I should have
added more interaction. I see other
interns with their classes and they all seem to mix with them more comfortably
and effectively and there was more interaction.
All of them have more experience than me. One of them was an offender himself and the
other was a counselor and headed parenting groups in her workplace. Not fair.
:( :) Funny how I went from my best to my worse
class in a week. Well, it may not be the
worse class. Only God can see and know
that. What matters is that I do my best
and trust in Him and not let my
cravings get the best of me.
-
My grades in social work are inflated. If this was a nursing program, I would have
failed, again. This week has been a
death valley week for many of us, well, or maybe just me. We have two major assignments due and I could
barely do them. I told C (first initials
only) that I made kind of a promise to myself.
I will still do the work, I will still finish the race. It may not be the best Steven or the good
Steven; it may be the worse Steven, the depressed Steven, the sad Steven, but
the work will still be Steven’s, it will be Steven-quality. :p And
due to the stress, I forgot to turn in my SOAP assignment. I just lost 10% of my grade. :(
Yes, it hurts a lot to me. But, I
still did it anyways (basically, I wrote a draft in class but I forgot to type
it and submit it to blackboard which pisses me off even more). I asked my professor that even though I won’t
get any points for it, or I hope I’m wrong, I still would like the
feedback. Thinking about this ordeal, I
reasoned that my grades last semester are overinflated. I felt I didn’t try as hard as other students
but I still got good grades. Maybe God
is just judging me and balancing my grades out.
It still hurts. I may not get
good grades this semester. But, I will
still focus or try to focus on what is most important.
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