2015.8.21: What God/Satan wants
11:13pm – 2330 2337 -
0010
Today at Ignite is cramazing. I’m copying the Geico usage of the word “amazing.” They are probably still there right now
playing human equivalent of bumper cars, but its soccer. I forgot the terminology. It’s like soccer but they wear like a huge
beach ball. It’s fun! My team came up and I took defense. One of the players started charging at me, I
think trying to get me out of the way, but I bend my knee and stood firm. I did not fall; I only moved back a few steps. In soccer, in basketball, I find that I’m
good at defense. Maybe in sports. I remember pissing some people off when I
played defense in basketball in the Army.
But what I really want to write today is the message I
learned. I did not do transcribing today
because my mentor told me I should receive.
I still have addiction and sin my life and, if I serve, it will taint
the atmosphere. It’s like “holy fire”
and a “strange fire,” my mentor told me.
Until I am delivered and in freedom, I cannot serve. This is different from the world. In the world, talent is the only thing that
matters. That and people skills. But in God’s world, talent and people skills
are not enough. More importantly, I also
need a strong and free relationship with God.
I also forgot to record the audio through my touchphone
today. I typically record, even though
it gets noisy, so I can save it in my computer and listen to it later. But what I took from it is what God wants for
me and what Satan wants. God wants to
give us freedom. Satan wants to keep us
in bondage. Satan wants us to feel
guilty, ashamed. The pastor on the video
tonight at CGC said Satan wants you to see how he sees you. Wow.
So, I can do a little counter-intelligence.
Many times, I have trouble knowing or seeing what God wants
me to do. My mentor told me if I don’t
know my purpose, then I should further God’s purpose, which is to seek Him and evangelize. But, with today’s message, I forgot the
influence of Satan. I have been seeing
myself as what Satan sees me, guilty, hopeless, tired, confused, etc. I have been doing what Satan wants me to do:
wasting time and satisfying my lusts. So,
if I don’t know what God wants me to do, or don’t know exactly, I can look at
what Satan wants me to do. To me, it’s
much easier to know what Satan wants me to do than God’s. So, I can look at that and do the
opposite. For example, Satan wants me to
waste my time, feel hopeless, not worship God because I’m too tired or too late
or whatever, but I will do the opposite of what he wants. I will spend my time wisely, in productive
things. I will sing and praise and
worship to open doors of hope. I will
not spend my time on games, which is what Satan wants, but on God, which is
obviously, what God wants. He is worthy
of all praise.
I have a job interview at a call center tomorrow. It might be a temporary job. You know, I need to humble myself. I used to think I’m so crazy, that I’m all
that. That I can be a general and play
all these computer games and win. But I
failed in having a strong relationship with God. Sometimes I would compare myself with worldly
people and tell God “God, look at these people, they don’t even seek you and
they have so much more prosperity than me.”
But God knows my heart; he knows my potential. He has given me the potential to spend time
with Him and I have so far mostly squandered it. To each measure God gives to a person.
The root of all sins, my mentor told me, is pride. And in my case, much of my sin comes from
rejection. I know what to do.
I told my mentor I wanted to go into truck driving, since it’s
the only job that’s in demand right now that requires any college degree or
just a high school diploma. All the other
jobs, the prospector applies but in truck driving, the employer invites
people. But, if I go into that field, I
will be away from church most of the time.
My mentor told me that God wants me to stay at a supernatural
church. We are living in the end times,
she told me, and I heartily agree. I
will find a career and a wonderful job in El Paso. However, I need to seek first the Kingdom of
Heaven.
Satan also wants me to debate and argue with people about
religious doctrines and overwhelm myself but no, debating and argumentation
cannot change people. Showing love,
supernatural signs and wonders, and God can change people. I’m not going to stress myself about these
things or participating in Christian “debate clubs.” Pastor Patty asked, “You know why there is so
much division in the church?” Ahh, I
forgot her answer, but I think it has something to do with the lack of power in
today’s church. And God wants unity but
Satan brings division. For me, I care
less about the means but the end. The
end is the supernatural power of God that can save people. I don’t want to waste my time arguing whether
this point or that point is right or wrong.
It brings anger. It brings
hatred. It brings controversy. It brings division. Just as fire came down on Elijah’s altar
instead of Baal’s, just follow God, follow His Holy Spirit. It’s okay to make theological mistakes, God
will bring it to heart when the time comes but just worship God! 1 Corinthians 13:12 “Now we see things
imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything
with perfect clarity. All that I know
now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just
as God now knows me completely.” Don’t
worry about the doctrine. God will
correct each of us in time. Just worship
and seek God through his Holy Spirit.
Aww, too bad I already left that debate group. I will try to rejoin it just to share the
last paragraph and then leave it. My
mentor also told me to keep away from people who cause me to stumble in my walk
with God. I thank God for my family of
Christ that care about me and that want to correct me.
