The Experiment

[Edited for Public] 2015.10.19: The Experiment

11:48pm – 12:16pm

My aunt told me that I should write a journal daily, so here it is.  Maybe I should write daily now.  I mean I used to write a lot but not anymore.  Not when.. my faith became weak.  Not when trails and tribulations ceased a little.  I mean my difficulties still persist.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Nothing in this world can truly satisfy me.  -----------------  -------------------------------------------------------------------  Then what is God’s will for my life?  Is it to have customers yelling at me and hating me everyday?  Is that what my life is for?  My aunt told me I should find a happy job.  A job that makes me happy.  Not a job where I deal with sadness and gloom.  Where the best I can do is a draw.  No, a draw is not a win.  A draw, where I only have one life, one chance, is a lose.  Maybe I should quit my job so I can continue to further my education.  I mean, if I can’t make lots of money, then I should at least have lots of education and knowledge.  No, well, kind of true.  I should just focus on seeking God.  But I suck at it.  I feel I just can’t do it.  I could be close, I can see it.  I can see myself seeking God and being close to Him but I just can’t reach it.  This is what I should do.  Maybe I should just quit everything that is not necessary and just seek God.  I wonder what may happen if I do it. 

My strategy, my plan against customers, or rather to defend myself against them is to pray for them.  Prayer is the artillery.  Then, I’ll just do what I can do to prepare myself.  The horse is ready for battle.  Then, the battle will belong to the Lord.  What can I do then, with customers who are still mean to me?  Should I take revenge?  No, rather, I should use that as a motivation, a boost, to seek God more. 

My life has changed, not for the better, I feel, but for the worse.  How worse?  I’m not sure.  I crave chicken nuggets, cheese cake, pizza, and what not.  But, these things, in the end, won’t really satisfy me.  I feel stuck.  I feel like I lost.  If I’m not going anywhere then I’m wasting time.  I don’t want to just make this moderate or low income job and save my money until I die.  My life is meant for greatness but I feel my life is nothing at all.  I carry no influence.  I have no authority.  I have no power.  And I seek God.  The logical conclusion then, is to conclude that seeking God has no power, has no hope.  But no, God is the God of hope.  Then why then am I still so powerless?  No, forget it.  I already chose God and I will die with God, ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Regardless, I must pray.  Prayer is where I get most of my power from.  I find in my life that I get most of my influence in prayer, behind the scenes.  Without prayer, if it is just people, then I am nothing.  Why can’t I be a general?  What can’t God make me a ruler or a leader or a king?  Or a general, or a trusted advisor.  Why can’t God make me become these things?  Why am I just a nobody working at a low-paying job barely getting by?  -------------------------------------------------------------------- because I have foresight.  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And God will be the judge.

----------------------------------------------------------------------  He is the only reason.  I could care less if other people are less than me.  No, I will not compare myself to who is less but to who is greater.  But of course, I will submit to God.  The only thing that keeps me going is my ability to pray and be close to God.  ---------------------------------------------- 

I don’t have a girlfriend --------------------------------  I don’t have any social networks of significant extent.  ------------------ 

My life, it is so unfair.  I know, other people are going to attack me on this.  Call me complaining.  But look, I really never had a chance in life.  When I was 18, I still had the mentality and life-skills of a 13 year-old.  So many basic skills in life I couldn’t do.  ---------------------------------------------  Values and traits and social skills that I lack.  And now, I am semi-independent.  I say semi because I probably will never be fully independent.  I will never be able to live without God.  Even now, when I have my own room, my own car, my own blah blah blah, I am still not completely independent.  I am much more independent than in the past, but I’m not there yet. 

What can I hope for?  What can I look forward to?  The only thing I can look forward to is God.  Is prayer.  But perhaps prayer is like social work.  Anybody can do it.  You don’t need a degree for that.  You may not need a degree, but you still need God.  And his gift, and his mercy, and his talent.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  This is what I’m going to do from now on.  And I must do it.  Aside from Clash of Clans, which is a game I still can’t quit even though I just started like two months ago. I will seek God.  Any other unnecessary thing will be destroyed.  I’m going to try this experiment for a month, to 11/20/2015 and see if it works.  Let me test and see that the Lord is good.  That he will take care of me.  This will be my vow ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Should I do this?  Yes.  No.  Maybe so.  I want to do it, but I feel I just can’t.  Fine, I’ll give myself three chances.  Three strikes.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Then, should I do this?  What about China?  Who cares about China.  That is just a game.  And my life is not a game. 

How can I relieve stress?  How can I talk to customers?  I don’t.  I don’t know.  I’m still confused and like a child.  I’m just going to pray and seek God.  --------------------------------------------------  I’m doing a 30-day relentless.  Anything unnecessary must be cast aside and just enjoy the pleasure of seeking God.  I’m going to start right now and see how far three strikes will get me.  This will not be a vow but an experiment.  --------------------------------------------------------  May God be my judge.  May God be with me. 

Humankind’s Mission on Earth 2

5/11/2015: Humankind’s Mission on Earth 2

S: 10:38pm – 11:25pm

This afternoon, I went to HOP (House of Peace or House of Prayer) from Ignite Movement Church.  Today’s short sermon at my home fellowship coincidentally applies to this topic of humankind’s mission on earth.  I would like to add a second installment.

            On the Fourth of July, America celebrates one of its most famous holidays.  It celebrates its independence from Great Britain with great fanfare.  However, no nation nor person is truly independent. 

            The spirit of independence in a person is contradictory to God’s plan for us.  By choosing to be independent, we declare to God that we are in control and not God; that we know better than God.  This spirit originates from Satan.  Why did Satan rebel?  Because he wanted independence rather than dependence on God and he swayed a third of the angels with him.  When we are independent, we are no different than Satan.

            Man is a dependent being.  He needs food, air, water, and so forth.  By nature, he is not independent.  Rather, God provides for humanity.  Everything must be asked from God.  We need to depend on God because we are not God. 

            Ironically, true freedom is obtained when we are dependent and enslaved to God, for it is in Christ that we are free (Gal. 5:1).  If we don’t choose God than we will be slaved by Satan, by the world, and by our flesh.  Slavery tends to have a bad rap.  It earned a bad reputation because the slaves on earth are controlled by human masters, who are prone to sin.  However, God is a master that is all-loving and good. 

            An example of a slave (in a good term) is Jesus.  Jesus, when he came down to Earth, was totally dependent on God.  He would not do anything his Father had not done.  Jesus depended so much on God that he knew his life isn’t even his.  He is the biggest slave to God.

            So where does the spirit of independence come from?  It comes from the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve chose to eat from the tree of knowledge.  They think they know better.  They think they will be like God.  Before, God provided everything directly, but now, human beings have to work from the sweat of their brow to survive.  From then on came science, came technology.  They make life easier for human beings but, in a way, science can be seen as man’s attempt to be like God.  Look at the tower of Babel, it was an engineering feat.  Look at the castles, the walls, the strongholds, the iron chariots made by man.  Mankind try to use technology to be like God. 

However, this is where I am stuck.  I know that science and technology came after the Fall, i.e. the fall of man.  However, many great Christians are scientists, such as Mendel, Newton, and Copernicus.  Thus, science can be God’s revelation to man.  This is, after all, my Father’s world.  So, it depends on the intention.  If a person chooses to be a scientist because he or she is inspired by God’s creation, than that is right.  However, if that same person choose the profession to be like God; to defeat Him, than it is wrong.  However, since humankind is generally evil, these multipliers will do more harm than good.

The bottom line is this: Life doesn’t have to be so complicated.  If humankind, if America, were to submit to God, to have total dependence on Him, God will heal the person and this country.

2/27/2014: Seek making a difference, not acceptance [Discovery]

2/27/2014: Seek making a difference, not acceptance

S: 6:19am

E: 7:00am

Everything I do, everything we do, can be seen as right or wrong.  If I try to help others, there will be people telling me “oh why are you helping others?  Why not just help yourself?”  They will tell me that the only one who will care about you is yourself.  Yet, if I only help myself, there will be people telling me that “Why are you only helping yourself?”  Why are you not helping others?  Life is not just about living for yourself; Life is about living for others.  Everything can be subject to debate, everything is not black or white.  Except the eternal laws found in the Bible, but that is my belief. 

I feel writing benefits the reader but hurts the writer.  The writer has to give valuable time to write while the reader benefits from reading.  Yet, from another perspective, there are times when writing benefits the writer more than the reader.  The writer might be advertising something, that person might have something to gain.  Or, the writer can be having fun, making humor at the expense of others.  The writer can also troll.  Troll lol lol. 

Children should be taught right from wrong.  Children should learn to think for themselves.  Do not impose religion on children.  Children benefits from religion.  It seems like everything I do, everything we do, can be considered by others to be deviant, illegal, or wrong.  Even if I take a rule that society generally agrees on, such as not sleeping in class, there are times when sleeping in class is a better course of action than staying awake.  That person, or should I say student, might be thinking ahead and need the extra energy to get through the day.  If that person forces him or herself to be awake, that person might be too tired to function in other parts of their lives.  That person might get into an accident driving or biking back from school, for example.  I’m not saying sleeping in class is a good thing, there are generalities, there are exceptions.  If I go north, people (it seems a lot of people actually) will try to tell me to go south.  If I go east, people tell me to go west.  If I don’t go anywhere, people will tell me to go somewhere!  There are also people telling me just to stop moving. 

I know there are things that are considered to be opinions, others to be generally accepted by society, still others that are generally to be considered to be correct due to past experience.  Let nobody say that something must be right 100% of the time.  There are no absolutes.  Only God can do that and I do know some absolutes due to my (or what I call *my* holy spirit) interpretation of the Bible.  Since God sees everything, let God be the judge.  Yet, when I say that, some people, to quote one of my professors, interpret more than what I say.  They think, “What!  Are you trying to judge me?  Are you trying to say what I’m doing is wrong?”  Nobody is saying that what you are doing is wrong.  On the contrary, I’m trying to say that only God knows if something is right or wrong or different shades of it.  No human being should give value judgments.  That’s what I mean when I say God will be the judge.  I say that to myself “God will be the Judge” all the time.

What I’m trying to say is that people should not try to seek acceptance because it is not possible to be accepted or to please everyone or even the majority, but people should seek to make a positive difference.  People should be the person God wants them to be.  Or, if the person doesn’t believe in God (and that is fine, I’m not going to judge, only.. yeah) that that person should be all that they can be; that person should reach their full potential. 

Sorry about writing this, but in a way, I’m not so sorry.  I’m tired of people trying to gerrymander me into doing what they think, in their own definition, is right.  If I am a lawyer, I can debate anything.  I could be the devil’s advocate.  People can have their own opinions, but in my opinion, hardly anything is black or white, instead, I see different shades of gray.  Just look at history, for example.  There are full of interpretations and different sides say different things, it’s just in the case of history, might tends to make right (Look are WWII, Japanese textbooks vs. Chinese or even American ones or look at the Axis’ side).  Although morally, I do see one side as having a darker gray than the other side.  Oh well, God will be the judge.