Saturday, May 30, 2015

Decorations for the Christian Car [Series 1]

5/30/2015

Hello Everyone!

I have been designing these Christian bumper stickers and a licence plate for my car.  I plan to design more but these are what I have now, to share.  :)



Source: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/01/d7/dc/01d7dc03b49700b9c4fdfa30522e8f6f.jpg


Source: http://fb-timeline-cover.com/covers/download/I%20Support%20Israel.jpg

Source: http://www.creationswap.com/artwork/10/5/13/11915/10513_11915_5.jpg



Partial Source: http://www.faithfullydivine.com/content/images/thumbs/0000057_this-shirt-is-illegal.jpeg

Monday, May 11, 2015

Humankind’s Mission on Earth 2

5/11/2015: Humankind’s Mission on Earth 2

S: 10:38pm – 11:25pm

This afternoon, I went to HOP (House of Peace or House of Prayer) from Ignite Movement Church.  Today’s short sermon at my home fellowship coincidentally applies to this topic of humankind’s mission on earth.  I would like to add a second installment.

            On the Fourth of July, America celebrates one of its most famous holidays.  It celebrates its independence from Great Britain with great fanfare.  However, no nation nor person is truly independent. 

            The spirit of independence in a person is contradictory to God’s plan for us.  By choosing to be independent, we declare to God that we are in control and not God; that we know better than God.  This spirit originates from Satan.  Why did Satan rebel?  Because he wanted independence rather than dependence on God and he swayed a third of the angels with him.  When we are independent, we are no different than Satan.

            Man is a dependent being.  He needs food, air, water, and so forth.  By nature, he is not independent.  Rather, God provides for humanity.  Everything must be asked from God.  We need to depend on God because we are not God. 

            Ironically, true freedom is obtained when we are dependent and enslaved to God, for it is in Christ that we are free (Gal. 5:1).  If we don’t choose God than we will be slaved by Satan, by the world, and by our flesh.  Slavery tends to have a bad rap.  It earned a bad reputation because the slaves on earth are controlled by human masters, who are prone to sin.  However, God is a master that is all-loving and good. 

            An example of a slave (in a good term) is Jesus.  Jesus, when he came down to Earth, was totally dependent on God.  He would not do anything his Father had not done.  Jesus depended so much on God that he knew his life isn’t even his.  He is the biggest slave to God.

            So where does the spirit of independence come from?  It comes from the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve chose to eat from the tree of knowledge.  They think they know better.  They think they will be like God.  Before, God provided everything directly, but now, human beings have to work from the sweat of their brow to survive.  From then on came science, came technology.  They make life easier for human beings but, in a way, science can be seen as man’s attempt to be like God.  Look at the tower of Babel, it was an engineering feat.  Look at the castles, the walls, the strongholds, the iron chariots made by man.  Mankind try to use technology to be like God. 

However, this is where I am stuck.  I know that science and technology came after the Fall, i.e. the fall of man.  However, many great Christians are scientists, such as Mendel, Newton, and Copernicus.  Thus, science can be God’s revelation to man.  This is, after all, my Father’s world.  So, it depends on the intention.  If a person chooses to be a scientist because he or she is inspired by God’s creation, than that is right.  However, if that same person choose the profession to be like God; to defeat Him, than it is wrong.  However, since humankind is generally evil, these multipliers will do more harm than good.

The bottom line is this: Life doesn’t have to be so complicated.  If humankind, if America, were to submit to God, to have total dependence on Him, God will heal the person and this country.

Man’s Mission on Earth

5/11/2015: Man’s Mission on Earth

S: 12:45pm – 1pm

Many times, I ask myself: If God wants us to follow Him, then why does he create the sciences, mathematics, Calculus, etc?  Why does he create the arts, the cultures?  These things won’t last in the next world.

But now, after some reflection and thinking, I know the answer (at least partially).  In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  He created man in his own image.  God told them that their mission is to tend to the garden, the animals, and all that God has made.  Man’s mission from God is to take care of the world.  And humankind was naked.

All that changed when Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the *knowledge* of good and evil.  Shortly after eating that forbidden fruit, the humans sewed fig leaves to cover themselves.  That is the first invention.  The first invention and thing that the humans created was clothing.  Note also that the first inventions came after Adam and Eve has sinned.

Why does God tell us not to eat from the tree of knowledge?  Maybe it’s because God knows that if we do have knowledge, we may use it for evil purposes.  We will be slaves to our flesh. 

So our original purpose in life is to take care of the world.  That was God’s intention.  Lord, help me to take care of this world, to take care of what you have made, to take care of people, for that is your intention. 


So perhaps God’s intention, the reason why he made us, is not for us to get knowledge but rather to simply tend the earth.  If not, why did God forbid Adam and Eve from eating fruit from that tree?  Life before was easy.  We are simply to tend and worship God.  The food will grow by itself.  We are simply to rest in God’s presence.  Perhaps God never intended or wanted us to learn the sciences, the maths, cultures, and other subjects.  

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Life Recovery Bible

3/17/2015: The Life Recovery Bible

11:44pm – 12:35am

            On an earlier session during my case management at DC, my resident, a female named Ms. P, asked if I have a copy of the Life Recovery Bible.  She told me she heard that it was very good.  I’ve never heard of it but I promised to her that I’ll find out and, if possible, give her a copy if I can find one for free. 

            Today, I received my order of a Life Recovery Bible.  I opened it and I looked at the footnotes and the addendums.  Boy, this Bible can heal the soul.  Almost every page in the Bible has lengthy footnotes through the lens of addiction and life recovery.

            I asked my intern supervisor about my client’s request and if it is possible for me to buy the book for her.  My supervisor told me, because it will conflict with social work values of giving gifts, I cannot do that.  I felt dejected.  Most people give gifts to gain favor.  I want to give gifts to heal. 

“But,” my intern supervisor told me, “you could donate it to the facility so that everyone has access to the book.” 

He told me that just giving her the book would be unethical because other residents would not be receiving the same gift.  I need to be fair for everyone.  I thought about this idea and I feel it is even better!  It is more macro.  Instead of giving it to just one person, I can give it to the whole facility! 

Yet, as I am reading the book today, I find that I need the book, too.  Bibles come in different shapes and colors and lens.  I have an Evidence Bible which specifically has commentary about evangelism.  That Bible is highly valued and treasured.  I have plain New International Version (NIV) pocket Bibles that I keep.  Now, I have a Life Recovery Bible which has commentary that focus on life healing, following the famous 12-step program.  I prefer Bibles with a specific lens.  I can read the commentary to gain further understanding and apply it to my life.  People keep guns; I keep Bibles.  :p



            Now I want to share the Bible.  I am keeping the one I brought, or perhaps I’ll order the normal-print version.  I ordered the large-print version because I know that many residents may have vision impairments due to their lifestyle.  And, I might donate one to the UTEP library.  I am surprised that I cannot find a copy of the Life Recovery Bible in the library search engine.  I also want to give to some of my fellow interns.  The insight that this Bible has pertaining to recovery is amazing. 

            Unfortunately, the resident that requested this Bible absconded or escaped.  Her counselor told me today.  She is now in San Antonio.  She told me she absconded probably because she relapsed and doesn’t want to have a dirty or positive urinalysis (UA).  In a way, this sucks.  On our session last week, Ms. P told me she would like to focus more on relapse prevention so I prepared it for this week.  This session would have been what’s needed to help her with her situation!  I included that the stages of relapse are emotional, mental, and then physical.  I included symptoms and tips on how to fight against relapse on each stage.  I also included myths.  Many people think relapse prevention is just saying no the moment the drug or other temptation is offered but that is incorrect.  That stage is the most difficult part.  The battle to relapse begins gradually, from the inside.  It starts with the flesh, with the mind, and the temptations that follow it.  A person checks pornography not because that person chooses it when the opportunity comes, but because the thought inside that person keeps nagging, keeps growing, keeps going unchecked.  Oh and before that, the desire that goes with pornography, perhaps the need to be loved, to have a relationship with someone special, is not satisfied.  There is a lack of self-care.  Eventually, the body and the mind wear out and the person gives in.  Dammit!  She missed the meat-and-bones of the treatment plan!



            Partially, it is my mistake.  My intern supervisor told me that I need to focus on the most important issue first, which in this case, is drug addiction.  If I work on other issues such as education or employment, if the primary front of drug addiction collapses, everything else will also collapse.  I covered other topics with her such as employment readiness and education.  I should have focused only on relapse prevention first.  I feel horrible.

            Yet, another part of me feels glad.  This unfortunate event is fortunate for me.  I have one less case to worry about.  I can focus on my other tasks.  But that thought is wrong.  Helping others, especially if I’m required to, should be a blessing.

To say again, and as reflected in my past, many times by helping others, you also help yourself.  Helping others should be a blessing.

Heart Like You

3/17/2015: Heart Like You

1:28am – 2:40am

I just want to be what you want me to be
I just want a heart that’s true.
A heart like you.

God extended my life today.  Today, I was not prepared to give my research presentation for class today.  I already lost 10% of my grade by turning one of my assignments late.  To lose another 10% would be unthinkable.  Yet, in class when the professor drew names, I was spared.  My name was not chosen, but, another woman who was also not prepared was not so lucky.

“I’m not prepared,” she said, and the professor simply drew another name. 

She probably just lost 10% of her grade.  I hear other students say they were angry at her.

“She had the whole spring break,” one of my classmates said, “How can she do that?”

I feel so guilty.  We were both not prepared, yet, she bore the cross for me.  I’m thinking about telling her about this, and, if she’s single, ask her on a date. 

Or, at the very least, go to class next Monday and, before my presentation, tell the class, “To be honest, I was not prepared last Monday and, to be fair, I would like to receive half-credit for my presentation.”

If the professor or classmates persist, I would say, “It is not fair that one of my classmates and I did not prepare, and yet, one of us got full credit and the other got a zero.”

If I fail this class, then so be it.  I would rather do what is right, to have honor, than to take advantage of injustice.  Ironically, this class should be one of the easiest of the social work classes.  There are almost no major papers due, just presentations and SOAP notes that I can finish in five minutes.  Thus, due to the scarcity of the assignments, the assignments that the class does have are weighted more.  Just missing one assignment due to negligence can cost a student the class.  Funny thing is that in my other social work practice class, which is much more intensive with short papers, tests, and assessments to do, I am thriving. 

-

I went to that class late, in a very depressed mood, knowing that if the professor called my name, I am fucked.  I took out a sheet of paper, pretending to take notes, but all I could think about was this song, and the band.  I scribbled the lyrics of this song on my paper.  It is the only thing that comforts me.  Returning to my room after class, I reevaluated my life. 

I realized that God gives grace to the humble.  I have not been seeking God completely, far from it.  I resolved to myself that from now on, I will be humble, to endure, and to have most of my life for God.  More than half my house of representatives and the senate (51%) needs to be for God and my presidency needs to be for God, I joked. 

My classmates tell me that I’m smart, that I should have no issues with my assignments.  One of my classmates told me I could just wing it.  And wing it I did, for much of my academic year, but I can’t wing it this time.  Not if I didn’t even read the research articles I’ve selected.  Not if I didn’t even print the articles to bring to class.  I can’t wing it this time. 

And maybe I’m not that smart.  If I’m stupid enough to lose focus, to lose motivation, to have great difficulty to even start on my assignments during spring break, to struggle with my internship while having been in the Army, than I am not smart.  If I’m stupid enough to think that I can live my life successfully without spending time with God, then I am not smart.  Or I’m just too weak.

Other classmates tell me that playing computer games is not such a bad thing.  “People are addicted to drugs, to alcohol,” a woman told me, “playing games exercises your brain.  It’s a good thing.”  In a way, she is right.  Playing computer games is not such a bad thing.  It does exercise my brain, but, anything that takes the place of God is foolishness.  People can be addicted to work, to family, to working out.  These in and of itself is not bad but it is the amount of time spent on them that destroys.  Being addicted to God, if I can, ironically, is the true antidote that brings freedom. 

            I feel like I have a second wind.  After this near-death experience, I feel strengthened.  But, in a way, I didn’t waste my spring break.  I spent countless hours, the most actually, on my internship and accomplished a lot.  I think another fault I have is I failed to prioritize.  I do focus on the most important things, but, I wanted perfection, so, I spent so much more time and labor on making things perfect while completely ignoring other important objectives so that by the time I get to these other imperatives, I have no desire to start it.  It is better that I do just the basics, a C work all the way and then come back to it, if I have time, to make it better, than for me to do an A work but then earn F’s for all my other work because I’m exhausted. 


            In a way, why am I writing this?  I’m tired.  And on second thought, concerning telling the professor to give me half-credit, I probably won’t do it.  The selfish Steven probably would become dominant and won’t allow me to do it.  But, I must remember that what happened today reminds me of the parable that other branches were cut off so that I can be grafted in.  I still feel so guilty.



Sunday, March 8, 2015

The Struggles of Teaching a Transitional Skills class / Catching Fire

3/8/2015: The Struggles of Teaching a Transitional Skills class / Catching Fire

3:38pm – 5:14pm

If last week was my worse class then this week is my most disruptive.  The beginning of the class started out alright. 

A resident came to me before class and said, “Steven, I like your class.  It’s short and sweet.”

I acknowledged him.  Part of my style is to not waste time and to teach what is important. 

After waiting for the resident to finish signing-in (there are 13 residents) and be seated, I introduced myself.  I told them my name and that I’m a social work student at UTEP during my internship here at DC.  Then, I went over the rules, that the class keep voice levels down (variation of only one person can talk and the rest listen) and that everyone respect each other.  I then introduced the topic: Handling Social Influences

I introduced the class by showing them a clip of the famous Millgram experiment, where the experimenter tests people’s obedience to authority against their moral values, conscience, and empathy.  The clip is 15 minutes long but I sped up some sections.  At the end of the clip, I asked the class to summarize.

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I’ve noticed that almost every class I taught, resident participation is very lacking.  I structured this class to make it more interactive.  Every other sentence I have is either a question or a fill-in-the blank and even then nobody really says anything.  There is a distinct pause in all of my interaction questions.  Thankfully, a few of the residents did speak up but it is just a few and most of my questions are answered by them. 

Then I went over my powerpoint and outline.  What is social influence?  I went back to the video of how seemingly good citizens can do evil things based on following orders.  No wonder the majority of citizens in Germany and Italy supported their dictator.  I made that relate to the individual, that we are influenced by those close to us without knowing.  I covered good and bad influence. 

How to resist social influence?  Well, the first is to know yourself.  I spent some time talking about this, including showing a picture of a scene in Alice in Wonderland where Alice stands in a road of signs.  I added a quote from the cat: “If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t matter which path you take.”

After knowing yourself, then I discussed preventative measures.  This whole time, as it is worth to note, almost all of the students look uninterested.  They seem to look at their tables and wish that the class can be over.  A few of the residents just worked on the practice questions in the handbook.  One of the residents, by this time and before that, started to grumble that this class is taking so long.  I saw him putting one end of the earphones and he shook his head around like he is listening to music.  As long as he stays quiet, I thought, I’ll tolerate that.  In retrospect, I did the right thing.  Had I disturbed him at that point, the class would have been even more chaotic.  I shared the quote by Benjamin Frankin (by asking a resident to read it), “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” and asked the residents what it means.  I talked how to apply that in our own lives.  Stay away from negative people and situations.  Keep yourself busy doing good things, and so forth.  My next point is how to actually deal with social influences.  It’s like playing tag, I said.  We can’t always run, that is prevent, and not get caught.  There will be situations that we can’t avoid. 

At this point, the person listening on the headphones started to talk loudly to other residents in class.  When I came to tell him that this is a class and that I’m still teaching, he went off on me.  He told me this class is bullshit and a waste of time.  Everybody here has already made up their minds and it can’t change anybody, he said.  To calm the situation down, I told him that the authors of this book and the facility think differently, that the purpose of these classes is to prepare us for life in the greater community because there is hope.  He paused when I said “hope” but he continued to argue saying that he has been taught this over and over again and that he is frustrated.  Another resident said that [a teacher] can cover this in ten to fifteen minutes.  During this whole time, I was trying to move on with the content.  I didn’t want to dismiss their concerns since it hurts the process of the class and I see opportunity to help the residents understand but they are spending too much time on it. So, by this time, I told them bluntly that we need to move on.  The other resident continued to complain.  He said this class is boring.  “Just take a look around,” he said, “Can we leave now?” 

I told him, “Sir, this class is supposed to be an hour-and-a-half long.”  I was going to add that I do have plans to make it shorter since I will be able to cover all my content and I don’t want to waste their and my time.  But he didn’t let me finish.

“An hour and a half??”  “Fuck that,” I think I heard either this resident or the resident with the headphones said.

I told the class, “This class has been pretty disruptive and it is fine to voice your opinions.  However, this is the program [from DC] and you all need to cooperate.”

One of the disturbing residents looked at me and wanted to cuss at me.  But instead he told me that my class is useless, boring, a waste of time, and that I can’t relate to them.  They already know this stuff, he said.  I wanted to say, “Well, if you already know this stuff, then why are you here?”  But I refrained. 

The class was getting out-of-control so I adjusted fire.  Instead of going through the rest of my lesson plan, I decided to just test them on what they knew.

“Many of you told me that you already know this material, so, I will skip the homework and give you guys the test instead.”  “Tell me about handling social influences, how do you handle social influences?” I asked.  The one with the earphone told me that he already told me so he will not cooperate.  In my mind, I didn’t remember him telling me anything about how to handle social influences.  In my questions and answers, I feel either the residents are just very disinterested or they, despite being is so many transitional skills classes in prison and halfway houses, still don’t know the material well enough. 

“Just say no,” one of the residents said. 

“Saying no is one way to handle social influences,” I said, “What are some other ways?” 

That resident looked at me like I’m crazy.  I then covered other strategies such as compromise but that not one strategy will work in all circumstances.

“It is like the tools in a toolbox. Just as one tool can’t fix everything, so can one strategy be inappropriate in a situation.”

The troublemaking resident interrupted me again and asked me if the class is done.

I told him, “Sir, if you are not willing to stay for the class, you may leave but I won’t be able to sign your sheet.”

That resident took my words as a threat.  “Are you threatening me?” he said.  I tried to diffuse the situation by saying that I’m not threating him but I still need to teach the class.  Instead, he got up and walked away, even after when I told him, in reality, that the class was almost over. 

Like one minute after he left, I concluded the class.  Many of the residents by now are complaining or grumbling at me. 

The one with the earphones told me, “Don’t come back next week.” 

The one who left early came back shortly and gave me a sort-of apology but with his justifications.  I still signed his sheet.

I felt like crying.  I don’t want to be here.  I’m not paid enough.  I, like many of the American people, probably work just as hard as CEO’s but earn only a tiny fraction of them.  We sweat, give our time, our lives, and our heart to earn measly wages.  For me, I’m doing this for free.  Social workers, I believe, have the worse deal of all.  They labor for the oppressed, they advocate for them, try to promote change in the community, work in the mico, mezzo, and macro levels and still get paid the least of all professional professions.  I am struggling with this issue, at the unfairness of American society, where hard work does not equal fair pay.  But, I told myself that another factor other than money is fulfillment.  The Prophet in Ecclesiastics got it right: “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live” (Ecc. 3:12).  If I enjoy what I’m doing, then it won’t be a burden or a job for me.

            When I signed off the resident’s time sheets, I still said thank you and have a nice day to each of them because, as I told them earlier in class, I wish them the best.  Many of the residents said thank you back.

            One of the last residents, when it was his turn for me to sign his book and attendance sheet, told me to not give up.  He said that there are many residents that just think this program and everything in it is bullshit but he adds that many people like him are trying to change.  He told me not to let these people get to me and that he knows I care.

“Keep doing what you’re doing.” he said, “Don’t let them [bother you].”

            The last resident also encouraged me.  He told me that in this world, there are people who are strong and those are smart.  It is easy to be strong, he said, but hard to be smart.  I didn’t really remember what he told me since I was in a little bit of a shock.  He said that there are people who want to better themselves and those that don’t.  For those that don’t, we can’t force them to change.  They have to do it themselves.  I agree with him.  In social work it’s called self-determination.  When he said that, I began to think if I was being too forceful on some of them.  Instead of debating, perhaps I should have just asked them to leave.  There is a balance with that.

“Be strong.“ he told me, and left. 

I feel part of it is my fault, that I didn’t put in 100% in preparing for this class because, hey, I’m not being paid for this and I have a million other things to do and I feel stressed and overwhelmed. 

After doing the paperwork and filing the sheets of the residents who attended, I came to the intern office to rest and reflect.  I was planning to do a lot today, but I can’t just move on as usual with experiences such as these.  I want to take some time to reflect and learn and let time heal me for a bit.  That is why I decided to write my experience for my blog entry today.

I’m bad at remembering names but good at remembering stories.  Well, maybe not even that, since I’m writing it down.  Hopefully by writing my experiences down, I can learn from them in the future.  

Thursday, March 5, 2015

3/5/2015

3/5/2015: (A World without Hope)

End: 3:51pm



In season 4, episode 19 of the X-Files titled “Synchrony,” Jason, Lisa, and Dr. Yonechi discovered time travel, or should I say, will discover time travel.  It sounds awesome, right?  Many times, humankind doesn’t anticipate the consequences of technology.  Such is the theme of this episode.  The elder Jason, the one from the future, tried to destroy his work.  He told the younger Jason that this invention makes it “a world without history, without hope, where anyone can know everything that will ever happen.  I’ve seen that world.”

Let me speculate this for a bit.  What does he mean that he has seen that world, a hopeless world?  If I know my future, if we all know our futures, then its predestination.  If I know I will eventually be a math teacher or a social worker and my future child will go into computer science, then great!  But let’s add socioeconomic status here.  What if a disadvantaged person, someone from the lower or underclass were to be able to see his or her future?  What will their future be like or their children?  Most likely, using statistics, many of them will have a bleak future.  Many of them will continue to be in a cycle of poverty.  What would you do if you are in their situation?  What would you do if you know that three years from now, you will be homeless and in six years you will be gunned down on the street?  And three of your children will be dead in seven years.  Many of them will probably choose to die.  Why live knowing that your future is bleak? 

And if they choose to end the cycle of poverty by death, it will affect everybody else.  The example I gave doesn’t have to be that severe.  What if people know that they will live the remainder of their lives as a wage slave?  This will be a world without hope.  Once the lower classes extinguish themselves, the upper classes will start to collapse, too, since they need the services and labor from the lower classes to maintain their status.  People need hope to live.

-

This scenario assumes that time can only go forward, not back.  If time travel can go backwards as well, then many people may want to redo their lives and not make the same mistakes again.  I would like to do the same.  :p  But this possibility then opens up a much bigger reality.  If everyone were to go back in time to correct their mistakes, there may be parallel universes.  Somewhere, I may be a general Steven, a scientist Steven, a pilgrim Steven, or even a hacker Steven.  Ok, it’s getting too confusing.  Time travel is probably not ever going to be feasible.        

If there is a God (of the Bible), and I believe so, then it won’t be feasible because a man reaps what he sows (Gal. 6:7).  What give us hope; what gives me hope is the hope of eternal life, that as long as we try to love and follow Him, we will have a great future.