1/16/2014: Children
E: 3:10am
I know it is late but I have the desire, the urge to
write. I know I need to fix my sleeping
pattern because, if I don’t, I am going to suffer big time once school starts
next week. But, thanks to my awkward sleeping
schedule, I have a longing to write.
Maybe not a longing, I’m not sure how strong it is, but strong
enough. One thing I learned as a writer
is that the desire, the primacy, to write can come at any time and if the
writer chooses to ignore those urges, the writing quality, if the writer still
chooses to write about that topic, will suffer.
I don’t know when my next full moon to write will come. It could be tomorrow, or next month.
Today, I want to write about children. Anne Frank wrote in her diary that the best
remedy for people who are depressed or sad is to be with nature. I agree that being with nature is good
medicine, but, it’s hard for me to be in the outdoors here. I can’t just go into somebody’s backyard to
be alone with nature. In my life
experience, I find that the best remedy for people who are lonely, depressed,
hopeless, or sad, is to be with children, is to help them. Being with children reminds me of how
beautiful this world can be. That in
this oftentimes hateful, impersonal, unjust world, being with children is not
only a shelter from the sorrows of this world, but it shines a hope that
humankind can be this way.
Even though I already brushed my teeth, I am going to eat
that $1 chocolate bar I brought from a child at YWCA today. When buying, I want to promote interaction,
so I asked him which kind is best. He
told me he likes almonds. I told him I
like almonds, too, so I brought it.
After I brought it, his brother wanted to be the person to tally the
number and type of chocolate bars sold.
However, the other brother also wanted to be the person. So, they started to argue and fight. I ended it by first moving them to a
relatively quiet area (I am at the tutoring classroom) and then having the boys
settle the issue by playing a game of rock-paper-scissors. They have a unique way of playing that
game. When one of the boys lost, he didn’t
fight or argue, because he knows there is fairness involved.
OK, I’m already done eating that one serving chocolate bar
so I’m eating some more chocolate. I
love chocolate but I will eat it, or try to eat it, in moderation. Some people know their career choices ever
since they were young. I, unfortunately,
was not one of them. When I was in high
school, I have a natural talent in computers (probably because I play games way
too much), but I have no real desire to go into that field. I wanted to help people, to make a difference
in the world, not slaving in some game company causing more teens to be addicted
to computer games. So, I tried to be a
nurse, then a teacher, and then a soldier.
During my education major years, I worked at the children afterschool
program. I remember, back then, that it
stuck a chord in my heart. For me, going
to teach or tutor at the center was not work, but play. I would also get sad or lonely at home but
once it’s time for me to tutor, I brighten up.
I’m still, from other people’s perspective, way too nice
though. I prefer explaining why a child
should do things, to develop a child’s moral reasoning, than to just punish the
child.
So, there are two paths for me. One is to continue my social work career and
to become a social worker, helping people solve their problems (in social work,
we are taught to use the word “challenges” instead). I could do any combination of working right
after earning my degree or trying to attain my master’s. The other is to also finish my bachelor’s
degree in social work but to join the federal Teach for America program. This program allows most people with a
bachelor’s degree or higher to become teachers after attending an intensive
summer training program. The new
teachers are then placed in in-demand or needy areas and are paid as a starting
teacher in their school district. I know
that as a social worker, I can also work with children. However, I did a test job search at
usajobs.gov and found most social work jobs to be dealing with the
military. It’s not I don’t want to help
the military, it’s I’m not sure if I am capable. Sure, on paper, it seems I’m more than
qualified. I have almost four years of
active duty military service. I’ve
deployed. But, I feel I am always behind
the learning curve in the Army. My
struggles and coping styles are more unique than the typical soldier or most
soldiers. I have not seen actual combat
so I don’t really know how a hardcore soldier is feeling. I can attempt to comfort the soldier, or just
“listen”, but I probably would not be able to emphasize with him or her. Also, since social workers work for the
federal government as well, they are responsible to weed out incapable
soldiers. This is when the agency’s
mission conflicts with serving the client. I don’t want to be the person who recommends
that a soldier be chaptered out of the Army.
I myself was almost chaptered out or gave up many times due to my
weaknesses. Another historical option
was to join the Peace Corps. That used
to be my golden plan. I can fight for
peace. However, serving the Peace Corps
is a volunteer assignment. I won’t get
paid a regular salary. I can’t do that
because I have loans to pay and money to save.
Perhaps once I get older, maybe, I’ll join. I have also considered become a lawyer. However, law school is expensive and I
probably can’t afford it. Even if I
could get PLUS loans which covers the cost of living and tuition, I may have to
work for some corporation or big-firms that pay a lot so I can pay off my
debts. Not only that, I also stutter
when I speak. I enjoy debate, but I’m
not sure if being a lawyer is favorable.
So, back to the topic, I am probably going to be a teacher
or a social worker that helps children.
Or maybe the homeless population.
Or maybe the prisoner population.
But, most likely children.
Children gives me joy. It reminds
me of a better world. It allows me to
help a vulnerable population. But most
important of all, being with children allows me to see God (Matthew 18:3).
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