2015.9.8 The Life Index Indicator

2015.9.8 The Life Index Indicator

How often have you done an assessment on yourself?  Yesterday night, while I was browsing the Web, I thought about making an assessment tool so I can better myself.  I would like to share with you this assessment.  I made this in about two hours (or half?).  PS: I have made similar indicators in the past but I would like to share this one.

The Life Index Indicator

This index shows the total well-being of a person's life.  It combines a person's spiritual, willpower, mental, and physical indexes into one.  The individual indexes will follow shortly.

Value System:

0 = None, no indicator of this attribute

1 = Very limited attribute, shows rarely

2 = Poor attribute, shows once in a while

3 = Okay attribute, shows often

4 = Good attribute, shows many times

5 = Excellent attribute, shows always

This value system, from 0 to 5, is used for the purposes of calculating the different indicators and indexes.

Rather than going into too much technical detail, I will start with the first major index, the Spiritual Index.

The Spiritual Index

The Spiritual Index is the most important index as it determines a person's well-being and future state of his/her life.

You might need to scroll a little to the right to see the full table.  This table describes the sub-indicators for the Spiritual Index.  I included Time spent with God, Prayer, Worship, Devotion, Evangelism, and Helpfulness, with its description.  The value is what I currently have now, using my intuition.  I thought about hiding it but for the purposes of sharing this tool, I decided to show it.  

The importance is the percentage that each sub-indicator carries.  For example, Prayer carries 0.25 or 25% of this index's total score.  All of the sub-indicators add up to 1 or 100%.  The asterisk shows the top two most important sub-indicators of the index.

The calculations is simply getting the raw score by multiplying the "value" by the "importance" then I add all the values up.  If I get a perfect "5" on all my sub-scores, for example, I should also get a "5" in the sum of the calculations.  

Then, I derive the total index, which is the percentage format of the sum of the "calculation" score.  So, 2.03125 / 5 in percentage format is 40.625%.  

On a side note, maybe I fudged too much on "time spent with God" and placed too little emphasis on "evangelism."  I have my biases but I will do my best to be truthful.

The following indexes are similar so I will not repeat the technical details again.

The Willpower Index

The second index determines attributes of the soul, which is a person's willpower.  I included four indicators for this index: Life purpose, Discipline, Focus, and Foresight.

I added "Life Purpose" before listening to Pastor Patty's preaching on Identity on Sep. 4.  But after listening to it on Soundcloud, it is more important than ever.  The life purpose also determines a person's identity.

I know that each of these values are interlocked or correlated with each other.  For example, it is impossible to have a strong prayer life without spending a lot of discretionary and/or total time with God.  By discretionary, I mean free time and God knows how much free time each of us actually has.  So, improving one sub-indicator can influence and improve others, including those from other indexes.  

I included "Focus" because I wanted to include sin and temptation.  "Focus" also determines how successful we are in resisting and/or fleeing from the devil.  

I tried to include base factors or factors that people can improve on.  You are comparing to yourself, to the person that God wants you to be.  So, I didn't include factors like "courage" because it will come naturally when other indicators improve (?).  I try to add intrinsic factors as opposed to extrinsic.

The Mental Index

The other index of the soul, the mental index, covers a person's brain, or mental-related skills.  Again, I tried to keep this short and simple by adding as few factors as necessary and by using intrinsic factors.  

I added "Happiness" to this index because a person's emotional state can greatly influence mental capacity.  

The Physical Index

The fourth and least important index is the Physical Index.  "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things" (1 Timothy 4:8a).  However, it is still important since we are still in the body.

I remember Pastor Frank said he maintains great physical health so he can travel around the world to preach the gospel.  

The Life Index

So, the Life Index is a combination of all four of the other indexes.  It is like the stock market, but on a global scale.  By the way, maybe I made this because I'm into investing and I look into the stock indexes of the world.  But in this world, the "world" is you, the whole person, and the major indexes are the major components of that person.  

The percentages or "Index Value" won't make sense unless I add its interpretation:

The index value scale is from 0 to 100.  I added its interpretation.  This can fit with the Total Life Index, or any of the major sub-indexes.  

As so it happens, the spirit, of course, is greater and thus carries more weight than the soul or the body.  And the soul carries more weight than the body.  But, all of them are important to the overall score and neglecting one will cause the other indexes to drop.  Similar to globalization in the real-world stock markets.  :)  

Conclusion

So based from this exercise, and I will do an assessment on myself using this or similar tools on a regular basis, I have come with the following conclusions.

The first one is that this indicator shows that seeking God is the most important and that by seeking Him, everything will fall into place.

The second is that God is giving me mercy and grace.  My spiritual index is the lowest and, yet, God hasn't given me what I really deserve.  God is merciful and slow to anger.  He gives us time to repent and to follow Him.  

I thought about how this assessment can apply to people who claim that they don't need God or don't seek God and, yet, are successful.  Their spiritual index may be very low, if they rank themselves with spiritual eyes, but the other scores may be high.  They may be healthy and strong:

Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness. They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong.  (Psalm 73:1-4)

However, God is still the judge and this discrepancy in the index scores will be corrected in time.  He may be giving those people, like he's giving me, time to repent.  What is normal is that the spiritual index should be the highest and all the other three indexes should lag behind.

So this is the assessment tool that I developed in a nutshell.  :)  Thank you for reading and God bless you!

My Internship at DC (Day 4)

* I am writing this log not only to fulfill a course requirement but for personal-enrichment as well.

1) Date: 8/28/2014 (Day 4) Start: 4pm

            I am, of course, still a new intern at Dismas Charities, having my orientation on Monday (8/25).  I learned many of the procedures, my tasks as an intern, and about Dismas during the orientation.  To be brief, as a student intern, I am required to see residents.  I do this by first conducting a psycho-social assessment on them.  Then, I identify three of the main problem areas the resident may have.  For each of the problem area, I am to have a goal.  Each goal will have three objectives and each objective three tasks.  The tasks need to be timed, measurable, and attainable.  Once approved, I can start seeing my client to get those goals and objectives met.  Interns are also required to conduct educational groups to teach the resident various transitional skills.  I feel I am more comfortable conducting groups than helping the individual on the PSA or treatment session because, for the education group, I already know the material to teach.  It is just a matter of disseminating the knowledge to the other residents.  I can use drawing out and cutting off techniques.  To compare with the individual PSA and treatment sessions, however, I am not the expert.  I have to ask questions to get information.  Well, being an intrapersonal person, I might be comfortable with both.  Now if the group session is about treatment, that would be much more challenging.

            Speaking of education groups, I heard that the residents in many of the sessions tend to be lacking in participation.  Many of the groups conducted tend to be quiet with only the teacher or group worker leading it.  If that is the case, I may not have to worry too much on cutting off, a technique that I may need more practice in.  I will have to use drawing out techniques such as rounds or activities to get everyone to participate.  I think passion is also an important factor.  If the residents see that I am passionate about what I’m teaching and genuine, they may pay more attention. 

            The gist of this entry, or what I want to write about, is the nature of Dismas and the residents.  I am told and taught that involuntary clients, especially offenders, can be the most difficult clients a social worker may encounter.  However, at Dismas, I believe an exception is made.  These residents at this halfway house, are almost out of prison and almost into mainstream society.  They are almost free.  Thus, many of them will behave like angels, on their best behavior, so they can have their dream of freedom.  They know that if they mess up, they will go back in prison.  This is unlike other correctional facilities, where its residents know they will not be freed anytime soon.  To be more philosophical, why can’t people, everyone in general, behave like angels all the time?  It is certainly possible for these federal offenders to behave nicely even though they are on their best behavior for a reason.  People should be on their best behavior because it is the right thing to do, not just to gain something.  But I know that people are naturally selfish, and many will only be nice if they can get Santa’s present.  To apply Kohlberg’s Theory of Moral Development, many of these residents are probably at a lower stage of moral development.  To many of them, their thinking is punitive.  It is about punishment and not the reward.  It is about the short-term and not about the long-term, not about karma, or anything like that.  Social workers, on the other hand..  ok, I won’t get to that.  But, people can be bad because there are no incentives to be good or to avoid negative consequences.   

            To look at myself, I am starting to be more selfish too, after finding out that being nice doesn’t really pay.  Nice guys do indeed finish last, but clever nice guys in heart can still finish first. 

            So right now, I’m doing a lot of theory and not a lot of practical.  I still have my manuals to read (each of them is like a textbook!).  I am pending approval for my PSA practice outline so once approved, I can start conducting PSA’s.

*Only unclassified material will be included.

Spear Fighting / The Way of the Spear

Spear Fighting / The Way of the Spear

S: 3:16am

E: 4:06am

Being a writer, I’m under a writer’s curse.  That is, when I think of something marvelous to write about, the desire to write within me burns.  It is now 3am in the morning and I’m having a fever, but I still want to write.  Actually, I feel, at least in the beginning states, having a fever increases a person’s intellectual ability.

Q: So what do you want to write about?

I’m a fan of military strategies and of weapons.  One of the weapons that fascinates me is the sword.  Oftentimes at night, I envision myself as an half-elven fighter dual-wielding swords to fight off evil. 

Q: Then why write about spear?

I find, after some thinking, that the spear is actually superior to the sword.  Sure, the sword looks flashier but it is youth’s folly.

Q: Why is the spear superior?

The spear, or to use euphemism, a pointy stick, has a greater range or reach than a sword.  When used correctly, this can be to deadly effect.

Q: How so?

The spear always has the advantage of range.  However, most spear fighters does not use that to the fullest extent.  The spear always, thanks to the range, has first or a preemptive strike.  It is important to outthink your enemy than to out-fight him.  The key to doing that is to understand human physiology.

When a person moves forward, it is the legs that move forward first.  If the spearman were to focus not on the body but on the upper legs, specifically the area from the kneecaps to the upper-thigh, that spearman will have a huge advantage.

Q: What kind of huge advantage?

To emphasize, the spearman always has an advantage in range.  By aiming at the legs, the body part that moves first, that spearman doubles that advantage.  It is the person’s legs that move first, then everything else.  The second or fractions of a second needed to get the rest of the body in position can be used to devastating effect by the spearman. 

Q: If the spearman focuses only on the lower body / leg area, then he/she leaves the upper-body open.  Wouldn’t that be a problem?

That is not an issue, again, thanks to the spearman’s range.  If the swordsman were to swing his sword at the upper-body, that person will hit only thin air.  In fact, if that swordman were to do that, the spearman should take this opportunity to attack the legs. 

Q: What if the swordsman has heavy leg armor?  Would that cancel this strategy?

Perhaps, but you will then have a greater strategy.  Throughout history, humankind focuses its armor mostly on the upper half of the body.  The lower-half, if armored, will impair movement.  A fighter that is not agile, due to heavy weights on his legs, will be dead meat to any fighter.  If that is the case, than out-maneuver and aim for the body.  You can still aim for the legs as the enemy’s legs will move slower due to the weight. 

Kind of off-topic, but using the spear also confers another advantage: pierce damage.  The same type of damage caused by modern bullets.  Pierce damage is extremely effective because it concentrates all its power on a small area, making it much more possible to go through (or pierce) enemy armor. 

Q: What if the enemy tries to dodge with his legs?

If the enemy tries to dodge with his or her legs, than that fighter will be unable to attack.  As said earlier, any movement or positioning is done by the legs first.  If the legs are dodging, the fighter will not be coordinated to attack. 

Q: What if the enemy swordsman was able to successfully dodge forward and close-in on the spearman?

This is when a second, concealed, back-up weapon will be needed.  A concealed dagger will be a good choice.  If the swordsman were to break the outer guard of the spearman, the psychology of victory will take over.  That swordman will be so excited to break the guard that he will close-in, almost touching, to kill the spearman.  However, when that happens, the spearman needs to drop the spear quickly, pull out the dagger and stab at the enemy body.  The spearman will benefit from this adage:

“Go big or go home.“

The spearman focuses on long-melee or short-melee range (the dagger).  In the above situation, the spearman will have to be as close to the swordsman as possible, which should be easy as the swordsman is also trying to close the distance to avoid the long-range attack.  It is difficult for the sword to do serious damage when the enemy is skin to skin.  The sword is a medium-ranged weapon, it needs some space to swing to build power.  The dagger, again using the stab-pierce motion/technique, will connect with the body and that will be enough to finish off the wounded warrior.

Q: Describe a typical spear-sword fight using this technique.

The swordsman will be constantly trying to close-in, however, he cannot as his legs betray him.  The spearman may have a few hits on the enemy’s legs, with each hit slowing and damaging the enemy’s mobility.  Eventually, the spearman will make enough hits that the sword fighter will not be able to stand anymore.  When that happens, the spearman can just run him over. 

Another point I almost forgot to mention is that most fighters are trained to defend from upper-body attacks, whether it’s dodging or parrying.  It is harder for most fighters to defend against lower-body attacks.  Looking at human physiology as well, most of the muscles of the arm are geared towards defending the upper-body, as well as ergonomics. 

The experienced spear fighter can also add some fun into the fight, by aiming between the person’s legs.  Would you fight against a spear fighter if that person is always aiming at your dick (sorry for vulgarism)?  Logically, it is not as effective as the knee-cap and upper-thigh area but it could be psychologically effective. 

So, to conclude, by using this method to fight with a spear, the spearman will almost always defeat the swordsman in one-on-one battle. 

-

My method of fighting is more of the skirmisher / ranger.  Range beats melee any day.  A person who is adapt in ranged and melee fighting, and is willing to use hit-and-run attacks and prefers range, will be superior to almost any other fighter.  So far, the best doctrine I have is a decentralized, “continued-battle,” where there are no fixed lines, but fluidity and never-ending harassment [of the enemy].  With skirmishers harassing the enemy.  They will of course wear light armor because speed and mobility is more highly valued than protection.  But that is my blog for another time. 

Hope you enjoy reading and try it!  

Add: I did not include the possibility of the swordsman using a shield as well.  But, even then, human physiology confers a disadvantage to defending the lower-body with the shield.  That person, if he or she as a small shield, will have to bend down, sacrificing his or her posture and offensive ability.  With a larger shield, this spear strategy may be less effective and will need to be combined with other spear-fighting strategies.  As with warfare, it is like rock-paper-scissors.  There is no perfect strategy.  There is always a strategy to counter or defeat another strategy.  This technique works best against fighters without a shield.  

8/24/2014:

8/24/2014:

S: 2155 E: 0024

Q: How are you feeling right now?

A: I’m having mixed feelings.  I’m feeling many feelings at the same time. 

Q: Could you share on some of them?

A: Those that are unclassified, I can share.  Most of my thoughts are unclassified anyways.  Except a few.  You need to have secret or top-secret clearance for that.  :p  And, so far, nobody has that.  Well, except my mom, she has secret clearance.  :)  But top-secret,  nope; I don’t have a bff. 

Q: So..

A:  Tomorrow is my first day of Fall school.  It is my last year at UTEP and I also will be doing my internships.  Tbh, I’m not really optimistic about my internships or my schooling.  I just don’t really feel the passion anymore.  Well, I do feel the passion, I do want to help people, but it’s just passion in life in general.  But, thanks to the Army and God (?), I’m just going to continue and finish the race.  I might be walking to the finish line or sprinting, but what matters is I will try to finish it, which is unlike my pre-Army life. 

I have a lot of wants that are unfulfilled and it is making me depressed.  I do try to be more sociable and I am making effort and progress in that domain.  Being sociable has always been a struggle because my natural state, since childhood, is to be alone in front of a computer. 

Q: Can you talk more about your “passions?”

A:  Hope delayed makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12).  Dreams not achieved or seemingly impossible gives me sadness and depression.  I do feel a lot of my longings are unattainable.  I kept trying and I try new ways, but still, they are out of reach.  Of course, I’m logical.  I think of steps, of plans, to reach them, but the end result is the same.  Now that I’m writing this, I think I lack the willpower in many of my pursuits, that perhaps had I been more determined, I might have made more progress.

Q: Alright, so you can try to be more determined?

A:  That is not easy.  To be determined requires passion, however, passion ebbs and flows.  It is hard to be determined in seasons of drought.  Another thing I remembered that plagues me is indecision. 

Q: Indecision?  Could you explain?

A: To reach a treasure or goal, one has to plan and have the determination to reach it.  However, I sometimes struggle with something even more basic: whether my supposed treasure or goal is even that. 

I feel it’s kind of ironic because I try to know more about myself.  I write these “discoveries” since 2000.  I’m kind of an intrapersonal person.  And yet, I still don’t know if the treasure or goal is really that. 

Q: What is keeping you from knowing yourself or knowing what your “treasure” is?

A: Good question.  I think a lot of it has to be because I don’t spend a lot of time with myself anymore.  By “time with myself” I mean time where I can really understand and know my true feelings and thoughts.  Much of my alone time is spent on computer games.

Q: So you think computer games is the culprit? 

A:  Although I do spend a lot of my time on other necessary things, yes, computer games sucks away the time I could spend on knowing myself more.  However, even with my gaming habit, I still, daresay, that I spend more time talking to myself than most people. 

Q: What do you talk about?

A: My internal dialogue nowadays has a lot of hopelessness and sadness.  Of anger.  Anger at myself, the world, and God.  I’m also a realist.  I see my goals and I try to make plans for them, however, it is difficult, if not impossible, to make plans that is doable for me.  And other times, I’m so far behind in certain areas that just catching up, never mind getting there, is depressing enough. 

Q: That seems to be handful.  So how are you going to combat this?

A: My only way to combat this is to do the only way I know how.  Best-evidence.  It is to just keep trying and not give up, even if it seems everything is hopeless. 

Q: Why do you think everything is “hopeless”?

A: Because I cannot reach my dreams and goals.  They seem impossible for me.  I struggle with even identifying what should my dreams and goals should be.  Should I try to get a girlfriend or not?  Do I even need a girlfriend, for example?  One thing I am clear on is I want to make money, obviously, so I can survive and help others in this evil world.  And, should I successfully identify my goals, when I start planning them, they seem difficult if not unreachable. 

Q: Why do you think it’s “unreachable”?

A: By unreachable, I mean steps that might not succeed.  Steps that don’t have a guarantee.  Steps that require other prerequisites, which is difficult for me to reach in itself.  They are steps where I could try, even do my best on, and still fail. 

Q: Then the solution would be to break those steps into smaller, doable steps.

A: Heh, good idea.  But, as I said earlier, even those smaller steps might be difficult.  And opportunity too.  I might want to reach a goal, but if I lack the opportunity, opportunity that is independent of me, I cannot do it. 

So, I feel the best plan for me is to continue to improve myself.  To improve my basic skills.  To work on skills that are important in this world.  I try to exercise daily, to be more sociable, to take advantage of opportunities.  For example, if there is a 5k Stephanie Olivo Memorial run advertised by one of my social work students, I can go there.  By the way, I went to that run (on Aug. 23, 2014) and got 1^st place (in my age group).  The medal is kind of meaningless because there are few runners.  Everyone practically earned a medal.  In my age group, 20-29, for example, there are only 2 runners.

That 5k run is memorable because it is my first successful 5k run since 2010, when I was in Kuwait running the Wounded Warrior 5k run.  I did register to run for the Tour de Tolerance in 2012, but I woke up late and by the time I got there, the runners are already finishing.  They wouldn’t let me join.  But, I do get to cheer for them and hike on the holy Mount Cristo Rey trail.  There were a lot of people.

Anyways, as I said, the best plan is just to prepare for opportunities.  To improve my body, soul, and spirit.  However, there is a problem with that approach.

Q: Oh?  What is the problem?

A: Many times, my desires and longings get in the way.  It feels like in order for me to improve myself, I need those things I long for.  It is like a circular tragedy.  Yet, in order for me to get the things I long for, I need to improve myself. 

For example, getting a girlfriend.  In my experience, to get a girlfriend, I need financial stability, education, and the usual personality and character similarities.  Yet, to get financial stability and education, I need a girlfriend.  It’s too difficult to do it alone.  I need the morale.  I need someone to talk to; someone to share my burdens.  It’s similar to a poem I wrote in high school:

I need a girl to talk to me.

I need a girl to set me free.

I need a girl so I can see.

I need a girl to talk to me.

Cause, I need a girl who really loves me.

I need a girl to sleep with me.

I need a girl to play with me.

I need a girl so I can breathe.

-

Ok that was pretty embarrassing, but I feel it illustrates my point.  By the way, just because of writing this, I wrote another entry that has some of my love poems/songs that I wrote in high school.  I am planning to share them someday. 

So, basically, it’s too difficult for me to continue to struggle, to get an education, a degree, a job, money, happiness, etc, without someone to love, without someone to back me up, without someone to continue in my journey with.  But, in order to get a girlfriend, since I tried, I need the very things that I need.  It’s circular, it’s depressing, there’s no way. 

Q: But Steven, you don’t really need a girlfriend.  You can get an education, etc, on your own.  Just be motivated.

A: I think anyone can testify the support that a loving relationship can bring.  Of course, if I have the iron will, I can achieve these things alone, but it is much easier if I have a soulmate to support me. 

Q: Ok Steven, but I think you might be wrong on the expectations of girls.  They don’t just look at the outside, at money, education, or fame.  Having the inner loving qualities matters too.

A: That’s what I thought as well.  But, so far, my experiences prove otherwise.  I’ve seen, in the military, so many gold-diggers (no offense to UTEP :p) that basically only stay with their husbands just for the benefits.  On online matching-making sites, most, if not all, of the women there want a man with the education and income.  I tried to converse with them but they wouldn’t talk to me because I didn’t meet the “qualifications.”  They didn’t even give me a chance. 

However, I understand that not all girls are like that, but in a culture that values the American Dream, many women place at least some weight in these earthly areas.  And as long as there is some influence, the playing field is unbalanced.

There is another reason, probably, why I can’t find a girlfriend.  It is because I am naturally shy and afraid of rejection.  Being alone most of the time, such as in high school, contributes to it too.  But I am making much effort in this area.  While in the Army, I did confess my love to a girl.  But, she flat out rejected me.  I kept trying to send her messages and even guitar songs, but she then blocked me.  Of course I made mistakes, I’m new to the mating game, but it hurts.  Nowadays, all the girls I show interest in already have a boyfriend.  But, I’m still trying.  Then, there are times when I feel being single is better, going back to my lack of clear goals. 

So, all these factors play a role.  There are debates all within me on what to do and many have not been resolved. 

So, being the social worker as I am, I need to continue to know myself more, to make my goals and decisions firm.  Then, to improve myself.  When troubles come when reaching a goal due to lack of “support” (i.e. girlfriend), I guess there’s nothing I can do about that but to just endure and do the best that I can.  I can also continue to seek opportunities, especially when it comes to matchmaking.  I need to take more risks, to try new things.  I need to be able to think clearly when under stress. 

All these things will be difficult for me to do.  Then, I just remembered another thing.

Q: What is that?

I’m getting tired, the time is 11:44pm now and I need to sleep, but to finish this, some people tell me that I also need to be more assertive. 

Q: Isn’t being assertive a good thing?

A: Yes it is, but I also value being myself.  I value being true to myself, to be honest to God, myself, and people.  This is one of the reasons why I wrote these discoveries.  If I feel sad or depressed, I don’t want to fake it to the world.  I don’t want to deceive others or myself.  And part of me is a realist.  If I think something is hopeless or extremely difficult, I will tend to be sad.  Hopelessness may also be part of my childhood, so it may be part of my nature.  Basically, if I feel sad, I will be sad.  If I feel happy, I will be happy.  I don’t want to lie to the world or myself.  I feel it is more important to stick to my principles than to compromise them to gain something.  But, I’m changing, I don’t know anymore.  Maybe I could try a “fake-it-till-you-make-it” approach.  Maybe I should be deceiving, to pretend that everything is good and happy, just so I can get treasures in this world. 

Q: I can see that you are tired.  Maybe we can talk about this later.

A: Sure thing.  I write what I feel anyways.  Good night everyone and thanks for reading.