Mistakes and Sin (My call center experience III)

2015.9.18: Mistakes and Sin (My call center experience III)

S: 12:43am

E: 1:35am

I am writing in regards to yesterday’s call center experience.

I realize that there are some battles that I cannot win.  That there will be battles, calls, that no matter how hard I try, I still fail.  What can I do in those times?  Why has God placed me in a situation where there can be no victory?  I have not sinned, I made a mistake.  But, at that time, no, I didn’t make a mistake.  The customer I talked to seemed to be demon-possessed.  And I did, after the call, pray for him, prophyicied on behalf of him.  I declared that he will be a leader in the Christian church.  That he will be a disciple, a leader.  But now, looking back, I see that love and kindness is not enough.  Nothing I do or give is ever enough. 

So, from now on, I will seek to understand the issue.  I don’t care how mean or power-hungry that customer can be.  I will seek to understand the issue.  If the customer can’t explain his or her issue very well and gets angry, I will still seek to understand.  Seek first to understand, then be understood, right?  Well, in the call center world, that doesn’t really happen.  What is more likely to happen is the customer hangs up on you. 

There is nothing that I can do but there is everything that God can do.  I worry so much on my calls, it is stressing me out.  I worry about my CSAT (customer satisfication).  My supervisor and everyone it seems, stresses so much about that.  But, you know what?  That CSAT is based on people.  “Let me fall into the hands of the Lord, but do not let me fall into the hands of men.”  I don’t want people to judge me; I want God to judge me.  Then, there is my stuttering.  No matter how relaxed I am, or seem to be, as soon as I get a call, I stutter, for seemingly no appreant reason.  I can’t help it.  Sometimes I make drastic hand motions to help.  And it is affecting my performance with my customers.  My fault in making customers dislike me has nothing to do with my sins.  No, I love my customers, I care for them, I can feel their hurt and their pain.  But, it has to do with my weaknesses.  I stutter, and customers already want to speak with someone else.  I try my best to understand their issue but I have difficulty because the customers during my questioning attacks me for trying to understand them.  And, in the end, I still don’t understand them.  Well, better to be mocked trying to do the right thing than to continue and be clueless. 

So, what can I do?  When I try so hard to speak clearly, to not stutter.  What can I do when I worry so much on when my next call will be?  I always try to follow the call flow so if that customer gives me a bad score, I might be able to challenge it.  But the challenging process, I can already say, is not justice.  Customers can give me 1’s straight across but if I don’t meet 80% of the requirements, I deserve a 1.  In the customer care environment, the customer is god. 

I am here embittered.  I’m at a loss of what to do.  Sure, I can take revenge and mess up their accounts, but I fear God.  I love them and they hate me.  I try to understand them and they dislike me. 

Indeed, there is nothing that I can do, but there is many things God can do.  I belive that God is the judge.  If the customer curses me or mocks me or gives me a bad survey, I believe that God will give me justice.  I pray that that customer can get to know God and be one with Him. 

I try to take every call with a humble spirit.  But it doesn’t work all the time.  With a loving spirit, but love does fail.  I want to cry, seriously.  I want to hug them and tell them why do they hate me.  Why am I working in a job where I can’t win? 

I try to be like a robot but I can’t because I stutter.  And I can’t be a robot anyways because I love and care too much.  I thank God that there are customers that are very friendly and also very vurlenble that needed my help.  I find that I do best, that I help custoemrs the best when they have a willing and humble spirit.  Custoemrs that have pride or think they know it all, or have a spirit of anger and hate, those customers tend not to have issues resolved.  I do, I believe, have a better track record of helping those customers and I do resolve many of their issues, but then there are those who get upset because you don’t understand them, no matter how hard you try. 

There are some calls when the call just went so badly that I wanted to evangelize.  I wanted to tell the customers that Jesus loves them and that God has a future and a hope for them.  I wanted to follow the God flow.  Lol. 

Some people may all me arrogant.  But I’m not, when I realize and know the supernatural power of Christ. 

In a negative environment and a negative atmosphere, curses are everywhere.  Customers say curses at you all the time.  They use you and they curse you.  Sure, it may not be your fault, it may be the previous representative’s fault, but many times, the customers don’t care.  They declare curese on you anyways.  I have to cancel and nullify those curses and replace them with God’s blessings. 

Do I need this job?  No, I don’t need this job but I want a job.  I’m not in absolute poverty, yet.  And, in the name of Jesus, I will be prosperous, for God has a future and a hope for me. 

I have the American and, more importantly, the Israeli flag in my workspace because power comes from the God of Israel.  Actually, the God of the nations.  And I have signposts that declare that “love comes from God” and “power comes from God.” 

Jesus, what I can I do?  What can I bring?  To so faithful a friend, to so loving a king.  I need to find more ways to give encouragement to my customers, to bring God into the conversation.

I remember one conversation, I told the customer that God will take care of them, and the timing was appropriate.  I told her I will pray for her son, who is 2 years old, and is suffering from a terrible disease.  She is so stressed out.  I tried to encourage her. 

For those mean and unrelenting and unforgiving customers, maybe I should deliver them.  I don’t care if I get fired.  I already tried twice to quit but the management won’t let me because according to their stats, I am a top performer. 

So what can I do when these unwinnable calls come?  When I am unable to speak due to my suttering and the customers ride over me?  I will take solace that God is the judge.  I will also make a double-effort to live a pure life.  I will also make a double effort to live a humble life, to be humble towards God and men. 

It’s okay if I make a mistake.  I just must not sin. 

It’s okay to make mistakes, just don’t sin. 

Sadly, in this world, people rate mistakes much more gravely than sin.  In fact, many people celebrate sin.  But, I am not of this world.  I belong to God’s world.  In God’s world, I can make mistakes, because I am failble, but I must not sin, and if I do, then I will confess and repent.  My intentions must be pure.

For definition’s sake, to me, a mistake is an error caused with the right intentions or without wrong intentions.  It can be lack of knowledge, or lack of skill or ability.  I can make a mistake speaking but that doesn’t mean I carry sin in my heart, I just have the human weakness of stuttering.  Now sin, on the other hand, is a mistake or error caused by the wrong intentions.  Differing weights and differing measures, but the LORD tests the heart. 

God will be the judge.

I hope I make many mistakes because the more mistakes I make, with the right intentions, the more I will grow.  I don’t care about mistakes.  What I do care about, and what God cares, is whether I sin or not. 

So, when I answer calls, I don’t care if I’m going to stutter or not.  I don’t care about my weaknesses.  What I do care about is where I love them, whether I love the person on the phone with me or not.  Whether I have the love of God or not.  Even if the customer hates me and hangs up on me because of my mistakes, God will take care of me.  I rather have customers hang up on me due to my mistakes instead of my sins.  I will do my best and let God do the rest. 

Don’t worry so much about your life, Steven.  And in life, I have made many mistakes, and many of them are attributable to sin, but the more I seek God, the more I will be healed.

Mistakes ineviablily comes from sin.  Without sin, if there is no sin in the world, there will be no mistakes, absent intentions or not. 

So Steven, you will make mistakes, but just do your best not to sin.  It’s ok to make mistakes, God will take care of you, just don’t sin.  If I don’t sin, I win.  

My Call Center Experience II

2015.12.4: My Call Center Experience II

12:10am – 1:14am

I have much to write, but I don’t have a lot of time nor probably the energy to write.  So, to make this count, I want to first write about my call center experience so far.

I have been working at Cox Communications through Xerox about three months now.  I learned a lot and I have many stores to share.

But the one story I want to share is a customer I talk to today.  The very last call.

Today was a busy day at the call center.  For some reason, probably because of winter storms and outages, I was getting almost none stop calls.  I have to use my 20 minutes of break time spaced out in 5.5 hours wisely.  I also get a 30-minute lunch. 

I was finishing helping a customer with cable issues when my supervisor told me if I can take one more call.  Overtime is a common occurrence at my job, so does leaving early when no customers call.  So I agreed.  I really wanted to just go home and relax and spend time with God but I decided to make the sacrifice to make one more call.

And what a call that was.

Before I go into it, let me share with you some difficulties that I face when making calls, and my strengths as well.  I think my chief weakness talking to customers is my speaking skill.  Despite speaking for all my life, I still stutter horribly when talking on the phone.  My stuttering is less when talking to people face-to-face and still less when talking to people I know and trust.  But every time I hear a beep on the phone, for some reason, my tongue just can’t say the word.  My brain knows what to say, but I just can’t say it.  Then sometimes my mind gets distracted and it makes the delay and stuttering worse.  “T-t-th-[slient th]-T-Thank you for calling Cox Communications.”  “My name is S-s-s-teven.”  “H-[slient ow]-How can I help you?”  Each one of those stuttering roadblocks is a barrier and for each call, I sometimes are able to bypass on those roadblocks, but almost never am I able to overcome all of them. 

I think to myself that “Love comes from God” and “Power comes from God.”  Part of the reason why I stutter is due to fear, due to insecurity, due to a fear of rejection.  I have very little power in my introduction because I was afraid; I was afraid of the unknown.  Right now, at my workspace, I have both an American flag on one side and an Israeli flag on the other.  Looking that these flags gives me strength and hope.  I plan to further decorate my workspace by putting WordArt “Love comes from God” on my left side and “Power comes from God” on the other.  Other agents put pictures of their family, or Cox Communications resources, but I will instead focus on inspiration. 

When talking to people on the phone, I feel like that is how Jesus felt during his life of ministry.  He gets persecuted, rejected, attacked, verbally abused, and so forth and that is what many customers do to us, and to me.  I practice humility and I have a genuine desire to help them.  But, back to Jesus, I would rather get attacked and abused for the sake of the gospel than for the sake of cable.  Nevertheless, working at a call center is a very good experience.  I am able to improve my speaking skills, to develop my small talk skills, my selling skills.  It has helped me in my life.  And I plan to use it for His Kingdom in the near future. 

Football is not my passion.  Oh no, I think I just said a bad word.  On Saturdays and Sundays, I got many football calls.  TV isn’t working so they can’t watch football.  How can I build rapport with them?  For all my customers, I follow my call flow which includes asking the customer how they are doing and showing empathy.  Like in the Army, I feel it is necessary to at least study a bit on what is going on in the football world so I won’t be seen as an outcast.

About five customers so far, during my three months, asked me if I was a robot after I finished my introductory phase mentioned earlier in the stuttering section.  I replied “No, I’m not a robot.  I’m a real person.  My name is Steven.” 

I’ve got a customer asking me if I can be their personal agent, since I resolved and helped them so well.  I told him no, that the structure of the call center doesn’t allow it.

I only have one customer, I think, that tried to use my stuttering to discriminate me.  That customer told me “I already want to talk to someone else.”  But I empathized with her and was able to resolve and program her remote as well.  During the whole time, she was demanding, demeaning, and mean to me.  I don’t know if I even got a “thank you” or maybe it was a hollow one.  Many times, customers not only use me, but just use me, without showing any gratitude, respect, or appreciation.  Many times, it is a thankless job. 

To work at a call center, I have to be at my best.  I try to give every customer my best and it is very demanding of me.  It is very mentally demanding and for the salary that I earn, I know I can get a better-paying job without spending so much of my energy, brainpower, and willpower.  It is a very stressful job.  Back in nesting, we took two 15-minute breaks.  But for me, I couldn’t do that.  I take mini-breaks between every call. 

In a way, I feel customers will treat me nicer and better if everyone had the same genuine spirit of helpfulness like me.  But no, I am wrong.  I’m not here to brag.  I have many weaknesses although few are of my choosing (add: I also need to continue to renew my mind, to avoid thinking evil thoughts and to focus on what’s important, in this case, the issue, when talking to customers).  I am good at troubleshooting, at working with the computer system, with typing.  Those technical aspects are my strengths.  And showing love to customers and to be genuine and to help them.  However, it leaves me exhausted. 

There are many more experiences and stories that I can write but I either don’t have time or don’t remember as of now.  Maybe by reading my call center experiences, one can already have some experience working as a customer service representative.  :) 

My last call, the call I volunteered, was crazy and intense.  To make the long story short, the customer demanded me to fix her cable TV instantly.  I checked the diagnostics and found that her area has an outage.  I told her what I can do.  I told her the technician’s name and estimated repair time.  I empathized with her.  I listened to her.  She was cussing and maybe even fussing.  She blamed the company and me (since I’m a part of it), about other representatives telling her that she needed miniboxes to get service, which was completely untrue as she already have cable boxes.  She added that Cox did the minibox trick to get more of her and other customer’s money.  I educated her on the reason why a customer would want a minibox.  I educated her on both analog and digital signals, on what kind of channels she would get.  And throughout all this time, she went back to the present issue of her TV not working and demanded me to fix the issue now.  I kept repeating to her, with love and kindness, the truth.  I told her honestly is the best policy and I don’t want to lie to her.  I repeated the technician’s name and the estimated repair time.  Then she would talk about other bad Cox experience issues like her bill or having to constantly call us.  I empathized on all her concerns.  I told her I also care about saving money and shared with her my experience.  This call was hurting my handle time and I was pressured by others.  I asked “permission to hang up” but my supervisor said no.  I mean if I do have permission, I will gently do so, like when Joseph was planning to divorce Mary before he knew the truth.  So I stayed with her and informed her again the estimated repair time.  She told me she will stay on the phone with me until the issue is fixed, which will be in another hour, at this point of the call.  But, throughout this entire call, I was at peace.  I was actually a little happy.  I felt her pain.  Towards the middle and the end of the call, she started to say “sorry” but then went back to attacking.  Then she told me that she is, actually, a nice person.  I believed her.  Listening to her, I felt she was wronged, deceived, and that she was made to be mean to us, but I felt in her heart, like me, that she was a nice person.  My supervisor’s desk was next to mine today, due to computer issues and seating rearrangements.  Other agents and supervisors were around, and perhaps trying to listen to my share of the conversation.  I told her at one point that I can’t do the impossible, that only God can do the impossible.  I thought about evangelizing but I knew that I would be in trouble if I do.  I thought about reading that Inner and Healing Deliverance book to her while we waited.  I tried to ask what she enjoyed doing and her hobbies and interests and she told me that her interest is for me to “get her cable working.”  I followed the organizations call flow.  In calls like these, it is imperative that I follow the call flow with building rapport, empathizing, educating, and so forth so if I get a bad survey from her, I can challenge it (if I reach 80% or higher from quality control).  In the end, she calmed down enough when I reassured her that our technical support is open 24/7 and that she can call us back in half an hour.  She finally agreed and the call was over.  My supervisor complimented me on my patience and gentleness. 

So, working at a call center is very intense and stressful, at least for me.  If every day working on the phones is like this (and many days it is), I would, honestly, rather quit or leave.  I already informed my supervisor about my intentions but he wanted me to stay, telling me that the team needs me.  But, my mentor told me that I deserve a better job, a job with less stress and with higher pay.  I already have a bachelor’s degree, so why am I working at a call center?  It was because I gave up too easily, my fear of rejection, and my perceived desperation for a job, that I chose it.  But God will give me grace and I am going to look for a better job.  Today was a victory but I really hope God won’t grant me such a victory again.  He will, and I have to persevere.  

What should I do with my housing condition? [Counsel Panel]

Started on 11/4/2015

So I asked friends and family and talked to myself for some advice for my future and here is a good listing of opinions that I got.  I’m so confused!  It’s like I’m hearing different voices.  Each of these “advice” seem to be sound. 

Should I buy a house here in El Paso? / What should I do with my housing condition?

Advisor 1: It doesn’t really matter what you do, either way is fine.  God will take care of you.  What matters is that you worship God.

Advisor 2: You should move back Los Angeles and stay with your dad.  I know you care about privacy but your dad is getting old.  The rent is free.  He welcomes you.  I know you might be afraid of him but I think you are better prepared now.  Plus, you can also find a job there as well.  As for the church, remember that home church that you been to once?  They were very nice.  I’m sure you can rejoin them.  Failing that, you can just find a church to your liking.  I’m sure there are supernatural churches in LA.

Advisor 3: You should just stay in El Paso.  You know the area, you know Fort Bliss.  You can be more independent.  You can talk to yourself and to God more and more openly.  Plus, you have your supernatural church here. 

Advisor 4: You should focus on three things only: God, money, and a soulmate.  Those are the three things that make you happy.  El Paso has God, a little money, and probably a soulmate.  Los Angeles can have God, more money, but it might be harder to find a soulmate if you live with your parents. 

Advisor 5: Just continue to stay where you are.  Rent for now.  You are still uncertain about your future, whether you want to continue school, go into trucking, go into the postal service, or stay at your call center job.  And, your Ignite church will be moving, location unknown.  Wouldn’t it be nice to move right next to your church?  And, since you want to stay where you are, which is right next to UTEP, perhaps you should go to school full-time.

Advisor 6: Same as above but go to school part-time and work part-time.  It’s important that you at least have some income.  It’s not good to depend too much on your family and loans that you have to pay back.

Advisor 7: Buy the house.  You can rent out the house to other people and have an income there.  You can have more diversified income.  Plus, you have family support.

Advisor 8: You are already 28 years old.  You’re running out of time to prepare yourself.  Just get established.  Stay at your call center job, buy a house here in El Paso, work full-time or part-time and be with God, and go to your supernatural church.  God will take care of the rest.

Advisor 9: You know what?  Life is just too difficult.  There are too many stress, difficulties, regrets, and unknowns.  I think you should just die and be with God.  The living will envy the dead.

Advisor 10: Quit your call center job.  You should be working at a happy job, not a gloomy job where you deal with negative people.  Find a happy job, anywhere, and stay there.  Do a job that you like, for example trucking.  You say you can talk to God and listen to your Christian music while you drive.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  And the paycheck isn’t too bad either.

Advisor 11: Stay in El Paso.  Your spiritual mentor already told you that you are living in the end times.  You need to be attending a supernatural church.  Just stay in El Paso, do what you need to survive here, and worship God.

Advisor 12: Buy a house, don’t rent.  Renting gives your money to the landlord.  Buying invests the money in yourself.  Plus, you can rent it out to other people for extra money.  Buy as soon as possible.  If you calculated the total amount that you spent in rent, you would have been able to do a nice down payment on a house already.

Advisor 13: Move to a cheaper place.  If you buy, you have to pay the property tax, which, as you calculated, is about $100-$150 a month.  With that cost, it is better to just find a cheaper place to rent for, say $200-300 a month with all utilities included.  You are paying about $400 a month currently.  Just bring it down to $300 and you save $1,200 a year.  

Advisor 14: If you buy the house, you can not only rent but can help other people.  If someone is in need, they can stay for free and you can help them.  Additionally, you can have a room *just* for God, like a temple in the old times.  Not having a room distracts my relationship with God to a degree.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a room, where it is completely dark, with maybe a candle, a cross, and spiritual decorations around to set the atmosphere where you can spend an eternally there?  That room can be your altar.  I know your pastor said that is the old times but it is still possible and I will still make sacrifices to God (personal sacrifices). 

Advisor 15: You don’t need a degree to do social work.  You made a mistake.  You should focus on helping yourself instead of trying to save the world.  Get a second degree in a technology field and then apply for jobs in the Silicon Valley area.  Last I heard, there is a huge demand for jobs.  And you can be happy; you will have a happy job. 

There is a saying I made myself that goes “If I don’t know what to do, I will worship You.”

My Everything

2015.11.3: My Everything

12:48am – 1:04am

His grace is all I need.  His power when I’m weak.  And His love that carries me will always be enough.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to write anymore.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  I count my life as worth living if I have a girl and God.  No games.  I remember telling my mentor that, the three G’s, but she told me to take out games.  Correction, she told me to leave in only God.  Haha, of course.  More of Him and less of me. 

--------------------------------  I know what to do with money but I need God to give me more.  Why is money given to those who cannot manage it?  Well, I might be wrong, but it may seem so.  And I’m the outlier. 

Anyways, what I want to write today is about God’s love and God’s grace.  He helped me so much.  People may not see it.  I may not feel it, but God is helping me.  He is giving me mercy and grace.  God gives me mercy and grace.  And I am rebuilding my altar.  My altar in the evening dews and damps.  7 days with God --------------------------------------------------  But every day after that must be for God, if I mess up, then I have to do the seven days again.  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

God is my only bright spot.  He is my only hope.  In the hopelessness of this world, of my world, He is my shining light.  He is the one that keeps me singing.  I don’t care what they think; I don’t care what they say, with God. 

I have to be the one that stays with the supplies because I am too weak to fight on Halloween.  And I only watched the supplies for a fraction of the time I am supposed to watch it. 

I know what God requires of me.  To give him sacrifices every day.  To build my altar for Him every day.  To seek Him daily.  To be intimate with Him.  Every discretionary time should be spent with Him.  There is never too much. 

I feel writing this blog, in some ways, hurts my faith.  I’m not writing to show up.  No, I’m writing to share.  But that intention gets attacked by other special interests. 

The only thing I have left is God.  He is the one, the only one, that keeps me alive.  He is the only one that keeps me singing.  He is the only one that gives me true happiness, or happiness in general.  He is the only one whom I can talk to, to seek justice, to bless, to intercede.  He is my equalizer.  He is my secret weapon.  He is my everything.  

If I don’t know what to do….

10/29/2015: If I don’t know what to do….

10:26am – 10:57am

In this world, nothing is permanent; everything is temporary.  The only thing that is permanent; the only thing that is everlasting, is God.  Right now, I am focusing on whether I should move or not; whether I should stay or go.  If I move, I will live closer to my church and my workplace, but, there are contraindications (I was looking for this word, I need to use this in my daily vocabulary).  The church may move, further east.  My workplace will move, a little to the west.  Well, I told myself that those changes should be acceptable and by moving, it will still make going to these places easier.  But, what if I were to move again?  What is the cost of moving?  What is my cost?  I wish I could be more portable.  I wish I can fit the biggest furniture in my car. 

Moving in one day or two is stressful.  I plan to move in the space of a month.  That way, when I go to work or church, I can just stop by and unload my belongings.  It will cost more, yes, but I will have less stress.  Then what about the big stuff: the bookshelves?  I could unscrew them and “fold” them to set it up once I move there.  What about my bed and the wooden base I put on top so I can sleep better?  That, I will have to ask for help and I believe that God will give me the grace.  So, in the end, it’s just the bed.  That’s just the moving part, part of the one-time charges part (I use “one-time charges” because I use them in my workplace). 

Then, there is another factor to consider.  Whether I plan to stay at my workplace.  If I really am focused on my goals, to be self-sufficient and to make money, then I would quit my workplace and go full-time study.  But, what about my finances?  Well, I can ask my family.  I can use government loans.  I can use my GI bill, just like in the past.  But, there are contraindications to that as well.  My GI bill isn’t going to cover if I have to study for more than 2 years.  I will increase my student loan debt.  And asking for my family for help, still, is akin to begging and freeloading. 

An alternative is to work part-time and study part-time.  But, if I do that, my education costs will go up in the long-run.  Parking permits, library fees, charges that my university has that make taking part-time classes less advisable.  But, I do have a boon.  I renewed my residential parking permit which allows me to park in the vicinity of UTEP for a year. 

Another alternative is to go postal.  Just kidding, I don’t mean by that.  I meant to go into the postal service.  I’ve always considered that and I did look for job availability in El Paso.  Unfortunately, there was none at the time I looked.  Funny thing is, within a few weeks of applying at my call center job, I happen to see on the news that there are openings available (And I don’t watch TV).  I could just study for my postal exam, the 473 possibly.  While there are no openings in El Paso, I can use this time to just study for the exam.  But if I do that, then I might have to kiss my enrollment at UTEP (for the second time) goodbye.

Then another factor is the talent that God gave me, which is in computers.  So, perhaps I should just go back into school and get at least a bachelors in a computer-related field. 

I need to stop worrying about missing my potential and all that.  No, God will give me grace.  My potential is found in God alone. 

I even thought about moving elsewhere for better job prospects, but, I found that me and my church are inseparable.  “We are living in the end times,” my spiritual mentor told me.  “You need to attend a supernatural church.” 

So, decisions and decisions.  What to do and what to do?  I have a saying that I made myself in the past that goes, “If I don’t know what to do, I will worship You.”  Maybe I should do that.  And, in the meantime, move closer to my supernatural church.  

Grace Wins

2015.10.23: Grace Wins

12:27am – 12:43am

This six hour schedule is nice.  It allows me to balance the stress of work.  However, I do get one less 15-minute break, which stinks.  I do, however, get a 30-minute lunch instead of a 60-minute one. 

My supervisor today still thought I worked the nine hour shift, lol.  But he quickly corrected himself.  I have a feeling he won’t make the same mistake again.

I have worked full-time for about a month now and it is just too stressful for me, so I opted for 6-hours instead.  6 hours is still tough, it is no piece of cake, especially with customers who want to take cakes from you. 

But, praise God, I am able to deescalate customer’s calls thanks to God’s power.  I was going to just say “power” but where does power come from?  It comes from God. 

I told myself to write every day, to keep a journal daily.  This is my attempt.  In a way, it is easier since I already got into the practice of writing.  But, the more I write, heh, at least for now, the less I will share.

Or maybe I’ll share it later, sometime later in my life.  When I look back at my life, at my diaries, at my journals, at my discoveries, perhaps I can achieve something. 

------------------------------------------------------------  To have intimacy without shame.  I write that, but what does “intimacy without shame” mean?  I guess I want intimacy without fear.  I want intimacy with security, with peace, with love.  Right now, I can only say it seems.  Every negative thing I see in my life will be “it seems,” but every positive thing will be a certainty.  It seems my life is a failure but God has a hope and a future for me. 

I am going back to school.  I must always move up and not be stuck at where I’m at.  I must always try to reach my potential.  With God, who is stronger than people, I will achieve it. 

Many times in my life these days, I feel like I’m getting reports from the twelve tribes of Israel.  When Joshua sent twelve spies each from the twelve tribes of Israel, ten gave a negative report while only two gave a positive one.  And what does the people believe?  They believed in the negative one.  I feel my life is similar.  Ten of my spies give me negative reports.  They tell me life is too hard, that I’m not going to make it, that I will get hurt, that I shouldn’t be too trusting and loving and forgiving.  However, the two spies in my life tells me that as long as I trust in God, He will take care of me.  That with God all things are possible.  That all things are possible through God who strengthens me.  That God has a plan and a future and a purpose for me.  That God still loves me.  That grace wins in the end. 

I love Matthew West’s song “Grace Wins.”  That song tells me that grace and guilt are battling in my mind but grace will win in the end. 

There’s a war between

Guilt and Grace

And it’s fighting for

A sacred space

But I’m living proof

Grace wins every time

I need to pray and pray and pray for others and pray for people and pray for myself.  I am still in my 30-day relentless for God.

Ok, I don’t want to write too much.  I need to sleep now.  The exception is if I choose to seek God.  Either worship or pray or read for God.  For God.  Only God.  He is my exception. 

God, I have so much stress in my life, but please guide me and help me.  I’m… I need your help.  The only comfort, the only victory I get, is when I spend time with God. 

Grace for Rest

2015.10.21: Grace for Rest

2:21am – 2:31am

Blessings to God.  He gave me grace today.  Right now, I’m also listening to Christian music.  Music from before the Army.  Music from during the Army.  And music from after the Army.  Music from Ignite.  So many musical influences in my life. 

I asked for a lighter burden because I cannot handle the stress.  I was almost close to quitting.  To resigning.  That call center job, it’s just too difficult and stressful for me.  But, I was able, with God, no, with God I was able, more credit to God and less to me, to still have that job.  My plan now is to continue to go to college and earn my second degree in computer science.  I must never stop growing.  I must never stop striving.  I don’t care about my circumstances.  God will find a way. 

But even with the lighter load, it wasn’t as light as I expected.  I wanted only 4 hours a day for work but instead, I got 6.  I wanted Wednesdays off but instead, I have to wait for at least a few weeks before I will be able to change my schedule to having Wednesdays and Saturdays off, working from 2-8pm.  This is good news.  I will be able to attend both Sundays and Wednesdays supernatural services.  The only thing is I won’t be able to attend the HOP and the Fridays youth service.  I also enjoy having the two days off spaced.  Having them together limits the therapeutic healing for me. 

So, to write every day like my aunt suggested, this is my entry for today. 

I must still seek God and follow my “experiment.”  Three strikes and I haven’t messed up yet.  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------  But, I have been spending time in the “gray areas”.  I have been spending time on politics and about Russia, China, and the United States military-wise.  Why do I waste so much time on those things?  I should just seek God.  God will take care of China, Russia, and the United States.  And Israel. 

Thank you God.  

The Experiment

[Edited for Public] 2015.10.19: The Experiment

11:48pm – 12:16pm

My aunt told me that I should write a journal daily, so here it is.  Maybe I should write daily now.  I mean I used to write a lot but not anymore.  Not when.. my faith became weak.  Not when trails and tribulations ceased a little.  I mean my difficulties still persist.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Nothing in this world can truly satisfy me.  -----------------  -------------------------------------------------------------------  Then what is God’s will for my life?  Is it to have customers yelling at me and hating me everyday?  Is that what my life is for?  My aunt told me I should find a happy job.  A job that makes me happy.  Not a job where I deal with sadness and gloom.  Where the best I can do is a draw.  No, a draw is not a win.  A draw, where I only have one life, one chance, is a lose.  Maybe I should quit my job so I can continue to further my education.  I mean, if I can’t make lots of money, then I should at least have lots of education and knowledge.  No, well, kind of true.  I should just focus on seeking God.  But I suck at it.  I feel I just can’t do it.  I could be close, I can see it.  I can see myself seeking God and being close to Him but I just can’t reach it.  This is what I should do.  Maybe I should just quit everything that is not necessary and just seek God.  I wonder what may happen if I do it. 

My strategy, my plan against customers, or rather to defend myself against them is to pray for them.  Prayer is the artillery.  Then, I’ll just do what I can do to prepare myself.  The horse is ready for battle.  Then, the battle will belong to the Lord.  What can I do then, with customers who are still mean to me?  Should I take revenge?  No, rather, I should use that as a motivation, a boost, to seek God more. 

My life has changed, not for the better, I feel, but for the worse.  How worse?  I’m not sure.  I crave chicken nuggets, cheese cake, pizza, and what not.  But, these things, in the end, won’t really satisfy me.  I feel stuck.  I feel like I lost.  If I’m not going anywhere then I’m wasting time.  I don’t want to just make this moderate or low income job and save my money until I die.  My life is meant for greatness but I feel my life is nothing at all.  I carry no influence.  I have no authority.  I have no power.  And I seek God.  The logical conclusion then, is to conclude that seeking God has no power, has no hope.  But no, God is the God of hope.  Then why then am I still so powerless?  No, forget it.  I already chose God and I will die with God, ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Regardless, I must pray.  Prayer is where I get most of my power from.  I find in my life that I get most of my influence in prayer, behind the scenes.  Without prayer, if it is just people, then I am nothing.  Why can’t I be a general?  What can’t God make me a ruler or a leader or a king?  Or a general, or a trusted advisor.  Why can’t God make me become these things?  Why am I just a nobody working at a low-paying job barely getting by?  -------------------------------------------------------------------- because I have foresight.  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And God will be the judge.

----------------------------------------------------------------------  He is the only reason.  I could care less if other people are less than me.  No, I will not compare myself to who is less but to who is greater.  But of course, I will submit to God.  The only thing that keeps me going is my ability to pray and be close to God.  ---------------------------------------------- 

I don’t have a girlfriend --------------------------------  I don’t have any social networks of significant extent.  ------------------ 

My life, it is so unfair.  I know, other people are going to attack me on this.  Call me complaining.  But look, I really never had a chance in life.  When I was 18, I still had the mentality and life-skills of a 13 year-old.  So many basic skills in life I couldn’t do.  ---------------------------------------------  Values and traits and social skills that I lack.  And now, I am semi-independent.  I say semi because I probably will never be fully independent.  I will never be able to live without God.  Even now, when I have my own room, my own car, my own blah blah blah, I am still not completely independent.  I am much more independent than in the past, but I’m not there yet. 

What can I hope for?  What can I look forward to?  The only thing I can look forward to is God.  Is prayer.  But perhaps prayer is like social work.  Anybody can do it.  You don’t need a degree for that.  You may not need a degree, but you still need God.  And his gift, and his mercy, and his talent.  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  This is what I’m going to do from now on.  And I must do it.  Aside from Clash of Clans, which is a game I still can’t quit even though I just started like two months ago. I will seek God.  Any other unnecessary thing will be destroyed.  I’m going to try this experiment for a month, to 11/20/2015 and see if it works.  Let me test and see that the Lord is good.  That he will take care of me.  This will be my vow ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Should I do this?  Yes.  No.  Maybe so.  I want to do it, but I feel I just can’t.  Fine, I’ll give myself three chances.  Three strikes.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Then, should I do this?  What about China?  Who cares about China.  That is just a game.  And my life is not a game. 

How can I relieve stress?  How can I talk to customers?  I don’t.  I don’t know.  I’m still confused and like a child.  I’m just going to pray and seek God.  --------------------------------------------------  I’m doing a 30-day relentless.  Anything unnecessary must be cast aside and just enjoy the pleasure of seeking God.  I’m going to start right now and see how far three strikes will get me.  This will not be a vow but an experiment.  --------------------------------------------------------  May God be my judge.  May God be with me. 

10/10/2015: Accident / My Call Center Experience I

10/10/2015: Accident / My Call Center Experience I

2:16am – 2:57am

It’s late now and I just off work.  Part of me wants to write this but another part of me just wants to play games and sleep.  God has grace for all.

Today, when I was driving back home on I-10, when I almost reached home, I saw police lights flashing and red lights everywhere.  Normally, there will be police lights in that area because the other side of the highway is under innovation.  But as I drove closer, I see that something is wrong.  There are lights, more lights, on my side of the highway as well.  As I got closer, the lanes on the highway started to be disappear, blocked by lights on the ground, until only the exit is available.  Then I smelled a smell of metal and possibly flesh.  As I reached the exit ramp, I saw the accident.  Two cars, totaled.  The car on the back was heavily damaged, with the front heavily bend and the windshield white.  As I was looking, I was thinking whether anyone driving or in the seats would survive.  The car in the back, I thought had a chance, but whoever should survive that would be critically hurt.  The car in the front, it was catastrophic.  The whole front is caved in.  The windshield is even more damaged then the one in the front.  Both cars are on the side of the highway.  In my analysis, looking at the damage, my guess is that the driver in the rear collided into the driver in the front.  The driver in the front lost control and crashed to the side at an even faster speed.  The driver in the front, I reasoned, probably had no chance of surviving.  When I saw it, I covered my face with my hands. 

Why is this incident so important?  I think it is because of my situation and how it touched me.  I found a job at a call center helping people resolve video and internet issues.  I went from spending most of my time alone to talking to people more than eight hours a day.  What a shift.  But, as I talk to people, as I talk to total strangers, I begin, at least unconsciously, to care for them.  For me, I get nervous every time I pick up a call.  The beginning is the worse.  I don’t know who that other person is, whether they will be nice or mean, or super-mean.  But, I can clearly say for everyone I talk to, I want the best for them. 

Today, I have been touched by the modem hymn “Grace For All” by Holly Starr.  This song, or should I say, many of her songs, somehow stuck to me.  Her songs, like Kari Jobe, helped me to live and to be closer to God. 

Before this call center experience, I would care less for people.  If see an accident, I would say a quick prayer and move on.  I could care less about what happens to strangers.  Well, in a way, I do care, with social work, but now, it is at a different level.  Talking to strangers, helping them, has helped me to become even more sensitive. 

Peace is to prepare for war.  The three things that matter in this world is power, love, and wisdom.  Sorry, I just want to say those things.  When I talk to people on the phone, I always remember and try to have power and love.  Where does power and love come from?  It comes from God.  Yes, they tell me to be confident.  But that falls on hollow ears.  I can’t just be confident.  Not by my own strength.  I become confident when I am filled with God’s power. 

I have only been working at the call center for about two months now and I have been learning so much about not just the technical aspect but on the experience.  For me, when I talk to the customers, I always try to ask how they are doing, hobbies; I share about myself, my military experience, and how God helped me, while keeping on track with technical issues.  I don’t like to just keep customers on a silent hold and have no talk except what is necessary. 

I do believe everyone should at least have some call center experience.  Then they will know what talking on the phone with total strangers who is mostly frustrated is like. 

Who knows, the person I talk to, or try to help, or promised to call back on, can be in that accident.  And I see me going into that call center job as an accident.  I never planned this.  I just saw this job posting on craigslist and I decided to give it a try. 

The company I am working with has decided to give all the agents a raise.  I am happy.  It feels like a blessing from God. 

I can share many experiences I had with customers, both good and bad.  When talking to people, I miss the face-to-face experience.  It’s more difficult to establish good rapport when strangers can’t even see you.  And I also stutter, with an Asian ascent, but, I am still doing OK.  With God, I’ll do OK. 

And the quote, “Focus on what you can do and you will be able to do what you can’t” also helped.  What I can do is pray.  What I can do is to worship and to spend time with God.  What I can do….  And what I can’t do are my goals, heh, with God.

Working at the call center has been very stressful, and the night shift is, by now, not what I wanted.  I initially chose to work nights because I am a night person.  But, I am missing out so much on my supernatural church.  I don’t know what I was thinking when my trainer called me into their office to pick a schedule.  I had a morning choice with Wednesdays off, I think.  But, God will give me grace.  I did try to request a change in my schedule and my supervisor is supportive of me.  And, many times after a call, I have to give myself a break.  I just can’t go from people to people, stranger to stranger.  It’s draining and I have to quickly recharge myself for the next hit. 

It’s late now, I got off at 1:10am today and played ping-pong with my co-workers.  You know, I haven’t played ping-pong for probably like 10 years but I played well.  I told them it’s because I used to play tennis back in high school.  :p 

I want to share this song or hymn that helped me recently.

To Rent or Buy: A Comprehensive Report and Analysis

2015.9.26: To Rent or Buy: A Comprehensive Report and Analysis

S: 12:30pm – 1:44pm +30 minutes for map

Location:

Location, location, location.  If I choose the wrong location, then all the other factors are mostly meaningless.  I want a location that is convenient for three of my major activities: worshipping, working, and shopping.  Since I have a bias on God, I placed more value on the location of my church, followed by my workplace, and finally, where I shop.  The squares are the ideal zones I am considering.  

To Buy:

+ Supernatural Church

            The church I go to is a very special church; It is an end-time, supernatural church.  I thought about moving out of El Paso but my mentor told me that since we are living in the end-times, we need to attend a supernatural church, which I agree.

+ Can form a HOP

            In addition to my church, by buying, I may even be able to form my own House of Peace or HOP. 

+ Can earn additional income by renting to others / help others by giving them shelter

            Please also read “Paying interest if I buy” note.  If I do this right, I can have renters in my house which can help me pay for my mortgage.  Additionally, I might be able to invite them to my church.  Also, and I had this idea since high school, one way I was thinking about helping the homeless is not just by giving them money or giving them a fish, but by housing them, taking care of them, and developing them so they can become self-sufficient.  The idealist side of me.  It’s far-fetched, but still possible.

+ Home ownership

            Owning a home makes me feel good.  I can have more freedom to do what I want with it, I do have big plans for my future house.  For one, I can plant fruit trees, just like what my dad did at his house in Los Angeles.  Also, I realize that any money I put in, whether though mortgage or improvements, goes to my house.  Of course, mortgage is more important and I will focus on that first.  I am also even thinking about dedicating a room just for God, like a temple in the old times.

+ VA Home loan advantage

            Can buy at zero-down, preferred rates

To Rent:

+ Desert land

+ Neutral outlook on job employment and salary

            Just found a job at Xerox, so far, it’s OK, enjoy helping people, but not fairly certain whether I will stay at this job.

+ Paying interest if I buy: current market rates for a 30-year loan fixed is about 4.25% (mostly lower but I want to give myself some slack for worse-case scenarios).  This means if I buy a $125,000 house, I pay a total of $221,373.  Finding the difference gives me $96,373 or $267.70 per month of total interest.  However, I do want to note that the average annual U.S. inflation is around 3% a year, so if I pay the $615 monthly payment that is required, I only pay around 1.25% in real interest (or $70 a month).  Obviously, I will get the 30-year fixed.  To note on the $70 a month in real interest, if I just rent out to one person, I am making up more than the difference.

+ Start-up fees.  This includes the commission costs, closing costs, and beginning innovation and maintenance costs.  It’s not as bad because the VA home loan forbids many of the costs but it’s still worth mentioning here.  This, however, happens to every homebuyer.  As for home maintenance, I see myself as a jack-of-all trades guy and if I can find how to do it on google, I most likely should be able to do it.

+ Low cash reserves: I do have some cash reserves, classified, but I feel with my current cash on hand, the safety cushion is a bit low.  It’s like driving behind a car but tailgating with only a 1 or 1.5 second gap.  Increase that to 2 or more seconds and I will feel better (increase current cash reserves by 25%). 

+ My home church may move: The pastors are talking about this a lot and I’m excited!  However, in terms of settling down for a permanent residence, this is not good news as it adds unpredictability. 

+ Student loans and obligations: Have to mention this but it’s not so bad because for student loans, I qualify for income-based repayment which, based from their calculations, I will pay a low amount.  The only other obligation is my universal life insurance indexed.  This is not so bad as the money I put in it will grow, I just need to give it time.  In 10 years, for example, from the average 7.2% return rate, I will break nearly even with my total payments and I can take interest-free loans (although I dare not).  The more time on this one, it may actually be an advantage to buy.

+ Property Tax: If I buy, I almost forgot to include, but I will also need to pay a property tax.  El Paso County in Texas currently has a property tax rate of 2.09%.  This means a $125,000 house will cost $2,612 annually or about $217 per month.  The annual fee reduces the influence of inflation.  This cost is prohibitive if I choose to live alone.  

Overall Prognosis: Rent (80% rent, 20% buy)

 The fact that I feel my cash reserves is low and my home church may change locations is the leading factor for this one.  The fact that I just landed a job with no tenure is also another factor.  Additionally, the property tax in Texas also discourages me from buying until I have enough cash reserves.  Once my church moves, once I increase my cash reserves, and once I feel more comfortable at my workplace, I will be ready to start buying.  By then, it should be 75% buy and 25% rent, with the 25% rent consisting of opportunities of better jobs (but I’m planning to move up), and the fact that El Paso is on unsustainable land.  But God can make springs from desert.

This report, of course, is the product of my analysis and reasoning and is thus, incomplete.  I did receive limited input from my friends and family and the report is influenced by a limited extent.

PS: This report is also incomplete.  It was an outline and I filled must of the body but I don't have time to completely finish it.  Also, much have happened since this report but I still trust in God.

Spiritual Warfare (NES, PC game, 1992)

2015.9.17: Spiritual Warfare (NES, PC game, 1992)

11:44am – 12:55pm

One memorable game from my childhood is this Spiritual Warfare game published by Wisdom Tree in 1992.  The goal of this game is to evangelize people by throwing the fruits of the Spirit at them and to defeat the various mini-bosses (which is always a challenge), and finally, Satan.  You win the game when you saved the whole city.  As always, I’m into these RPG/Action-type games.  Screenshots of the game can be found at the end of this blog.

A concept I remembered that is important for the Christian walk is endurance.  Just as we need physical endurance to finish a race or to exert our body for an extended period of time, we need spiritual/soulical endurance to handle the stresses of life and to follow God’s principles in this world.

One of the key factors that got me through my Army experience is realizing that I need endurance and then focusing on this attribute.  Recently, however, I find myself lacking this trait.  When I drive on the street and drivers do an injustice on me, I get angry.  When life becomes hard, I want to take the easy way out and I become frustrated.  When people close to me say or do something that is mean, I get offended.  I would cry out to God, yes, but I would cry out to Him for justice, and maybe vengeance and revenge.  I believe measured justice is ok (Matthew 5:38), but I also need to pray that that punishment can bring that person to God.  But, after talking to my mentor, maybe I shouldn’t even think about justice.  God will bring justice anyways because it is in his character.  What I should do is to pray for their salvation and forgive them. 

I realized that those symptoms of anger, frustration, and offense are signs that my spiritual endurance is weakening.  My spirit is under stress but I don’t have enough “muscle” to endure it.  So, I am going to focus on this attribute again.

In the game Spiritual Warfare, “endurance” or “hit points” is measured by the amount of hearts the character has.  I used to think of that as physical hit points.  Once those bad guys beat you up too much, you lose the game.  But, now, I realized that those hit points are not physical in nature, but spiritual. I will get hurt; I will get hit; but will I continue to evangelize?  In spiritual warfare, for both definitions, you lose when you give up. 

God, increase my faith and endurance so I can have more hearts.  And, in the morning, fill those hearts up (or me up) so I can endure the difficulties of life [and the Christian walk]. 

P.S.

If you want to play and download the game: http://gamefabrique.com/download/spiritual-warfare/

Spyware checked (using Spybot)

Note: For Windows 10, set the program file to Windows 95 compatibility, disable display scaling, and run as admin on the “Compatibility” tab in the “Properties” window.  Once you run the game, open it using the “Genesis” option in the “File” menu and then press Esc for full screen.  :)

Some screenshots of the game:

Theme song for this blog:

2015.9.8 The Life Index Indicator

2015.9.8 The Life Index Indicator

How often have you done an assessment on yourself?  Yesterday night, while I was browsing the Web, I thought about making an assessment tool so I can better myself.  I would like to share with you this assessment.  I made this in about two hours (or half?).  PS: I have made similar indicators in the past but I would like to share this one.

The Life Index Indicator

This index shows the total well-being of a person's life.  It combines a person's spiritual, willpower, mental, and physical indexes into one.  The individual indexes will follow shortly.

Value System:

0 = None, no indicator of this attribute

1 = Very limited attribute, shows rarely

2 = Poor attribute, shows once in a while

3 = Okay attribute, shows often

4 = Good attribute, shows many times

5 = Excellent attribute, shows always

This value system, from 0 to 5, is used for the purposes of calculating the different indicators and indexes.

Rather than going into too much technical detail, I will start with the first major index, the Spiritual Index.

The Spiritual Index

The Spiritual Index is the most important index as it determines a person's well-being and future state of his/her life.

You might need to scroll a little to the right to see the full table.  This table describes the sub-indicators for the Spiritual Index.  I included Time spent with God, Prayer, Worship, Devotion, Evangelism, and Helpfulness, with its description.  The value is what I currently have now, using my intuition.  I thought about hiding it but for the purposes of sharing this tool, I decided to show it.  

The importance is the percentage that each sub-indicator carries.  For example, Prayer carries 0.25 or 25% of this index's total score.  All of the sub-indicators add up to 1 or 100%.  The asterisk shows the top two most important sub-indicators of the index.

The calculations is simply getting the raw score by multiplying the "value" by the "importance" then I add all the values up.  If I get a perfect "5" on all my sub-scores, for example, I should also get a "5" in the sum of the calculations.  

Then, I derive the total index, which is the percentage format of the sum of the "calculation" score.  So, 2.03125 / 5 in percentage format is 40.625%.  

On a side note, maybe I fudged too much on "time spent with God" and placed too little emphasis on "evangelism."  I have my biases but I will do my best to be truthful.

The following indexes are similar so I will not repeat the technical details again.

The Willpower Index

The second index determines attributes of the soul, which is a person's willpower.  I included four indicators for this index: Life purpose, Discipline, Focus, and Foresight.

I added "Life Purpose" before listening to Pastor Patty's preaching on Identity on Sep. 4.  But after listening to it on Soundcloud, it is more important than ever.  The life purpose also determines a person's identity.

I know that each of these values are interlocked or correlated with each other.  For example, it is impossible to have a strong prayer life without spending a lot of discretionary and/or total time with God.  By discretionary, I mean free time and God knows how much free time each of us actually has.  So, improving one sub-indicator can influence and improve others, including those from other indexes.  

I included "Focus" because I wanted to include sin and temptation.  "Focus" also determines how successful we are in resisting and/or fleeing from the devil.  

I tried to include base factors or factors that people can improve on.  You are comparing to yourself, to the person that God wants you to be.  So, I didn't include factors like "courage" because it will come naturally when other indicators improve (?).  I try to add intrinsic factors as opposed to extrinsic.

The Mental Index

The other index of the soul, the mental index, covers a person's brain, or mental-related skills.  Again, I tried to keep this short and simple by adding as few factors as necessary and by using intrinsic factors.  

I added "Happiness" to this index because a person's emotional state can greatly influence mental capacity.  

The Physical Index

The fourth and least important index is the Physical Index.  "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things" (1 Timothy 4:8a).  However, it is still important since we are still in the body.

I remember Pastor Frank said he maintains great physical health so he can travel around the world to preach the gospel.  

The Life Index

So, the Life Index is a combination of all four of the other indexes.  It is like the stock market, but on a global scale.  By the way, maybe I made this because I'm into investing and I look into the stock indexes of the world.  But in this world, the "world" is you, the whole person, and the major indexes are the major components of that person.  

The percentages or "Index Value" won't make sense unless I add its interpretation:

The index value scale is from 0 to 100.  I added its interpretation.  This can fit with the Total Life Index, or any of the major sub-indexes.  

As so it happens, the spirit, of course, is greater and thus carries more weight than the soul or the body.  And the soul carries more weight than the body.  But, all of them are important to the overall score and neglecting one will cause the other indexes to drop.  Similar to globalization in the real-world stock markets.  :)  

Conclusion

So based from this exercise, and I will do an assessment on myself using this or similar tools on a regular basis, I have come with the following conclusions.

The first one is that this indicator shows that seeking God is the most important and that by seeking Him, everything will fall into place.

The second is that God is giving me mercy and grace.  My spiritual index is the lowest and, yet, God hasn't given me what I really deserve.  God is merciful and slow to anger.  He gives us time to repent and to follow Him.  

I thought about how this assessment can apply to people who claim that they don't need God or don't seek God and, yet, are successful.  Their spiritual index may be very low, if they rank themselves with spiritual eyes, but the other scores may be high.  They may be healthy and strong:

Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness. They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong.  (Psalm 73:1-4)

However, God is still the judge and this discrepancy in the index scores will be corrected in time.  He may be giving those people, like he's giving me, time to repent.  What is normal is that the spiritual index should be the highest and all the other three indexes should lag behind.

So this is the assessment tool that I developed in a nutshell.  :)  Thank you for reading and God bless you!

Jobs

2015.8.25: Jobs

Completed around 9:20pm

Today is a blog writing day.  :p

I thought about combining three topics into one blog for today but I decided it would be clearer if I separate them into three. 

Tomorrow is my first day at my new job!  Possibly.  If they can finish my drug screen and background check.  If not, then the company will have to reschedule me.  But, getting the job reminded me of what Xuan Nguyen said about jobs.

Jobs, he wrote, stands for “Journey of the Broke.”  Pastor Frank said, through my WFG mentor, in the business meeting that if you working, you are working the curse.  But if you own a business, you have the blessing.  Now I can see that he is right.  As an employee, I really have no control.  I can't get time off.  My WFG (World Financial Group) mentor told me that, as a nurse, she can’t even use the restroom without asking for permission first.  Now as I am signing the acceptance forms, I see why.  I had to sign to agree that if I have a dispute with my company, I will wavier my right to court or jury and that only arbitration is possible.  Anything I contribute to the company belongs solely to the company, not me.  This including writing or of any creative nature. 

But, I will still work in that job, for now, as if I’m working for God.  Even though the pay is low, or I’m taken advantage of, I know that everything belongs to God.  I know that He is the God of justice.