Grace Wins

2015.10.23: Grace Wins

12:27am – 12:43am

This six hour schedule is nice.  It allows me to balance the stress of work.  However, I do get one less 15-minute break, which stinks.  I do, however, get a 30-minute lunch instead of a 60-minute one. 

My supervisor today still thought I worked the nine hour shift, lol.  But he quickly corrected himself.  I have a feeling he won’t make the same mistake again.

I have worked full-time for about a month now and it is just too stressful for me, so I opted for 6-hours instead.  6 hours is still tough, it is no piece of cake, especially with customers who want to take cakes from you. 

But, praise God, I am able to deescalate customer’s calls thanks to God’s power.  I was going to just say “power” but where does power come from?  It comes from God. 

I told myself to write every day, to keep a journal daily.  This is my attempt.  In a way, it is easier since I already got into the practice of writing.  But, the more I write, heh, at least for now, the less I will share.

Or maybe I’ll share it later, sometime later in my life.  When I look back at my life, at my diaries, at my journals, at my discoveries, perhaps I can achieve something. 

------------------------------------------------------------  To have intimacy without shame.  I write that, but what does “intimacy without shame” mean?  I guess I want intimacy without fear.  I want intimacy with security, with peace, with love.  Right now, I can only say it seems.  Every negative thing I see in my life will be “it seems,” but every positive thing will be a certainty.  It seems my life is a failure but God has a hope and a future for me. 

I am going back to school.  I must always move up and not be stuck at where I’m at.  I must always try to reach my potential.  With God, who is stronger than people, I will achieve it. 

Many times in my life these days, I feel like I’m getting reports from the twelve tribes of Israel.  When Joshua sent twelve spies each from the twelve tribes of Israel, ten gave a negative report while only two gave a positive one.  And what does the people believe?  They believed in the negative one.  I feel my life is similar.  Ten of my spies give me negative reports.  They tell me life is too hard, that I’m not going to make it, that I will get hurt, that I shouldn’t be too trusting and loving and forgiving.  However, the two spies in my life tells me that as long as I trust in God, He will take care of me.  That with God all things are possible.  That all things are possible through God who strengthens me.  That God has a plan and a future and a purpose for me.  That God still loves me.  That grace wins in the end. 

I love Matthew West’s song “Grace Wins.”  That song tells me that grace and guilt are battling in my mind but grace will win in the end. 

There’s a war between

Guilt and Grace

And it’s fighting for

A sacred space

But I’m living proof

Grace wins every time

I need to pray and pray and pray for others and pray for people and pray for myself.  I am still in my 30-day relentless for God.

Ok, I don’t want to write too much.  I need to sleep now.  The exception is if I choose to seek God.  Either worship or pray or read for God.  For God.  Only God.  He is my exception. 

God, I have so much stress in my life, but please guide me and help me.  I’m… I need your help.  The only comfort, the only victory I get, is when I spend time with God.