2015.8.2
There is a lot of similarity between an evangelist and an
insurance sales agent. One sells the
near-future while the other offers the eternal future. In both professions, I have to talk to
people; I have to offer them a product that is better than what they have
now.
I just finished design my business card. On the front is the usual information: name,
address, business logo, etc, but on the other, is a comparison of the change
and the status quo (401k, banks, other investment products, I’m not showing the
chart b/c I’m not here to advertise).
People don’t like change, they tend to resist it, but in
both cases, I have to try; I have to at least plant the seed. However, one is easier than the other.
People would want to buy life index fund insurances but they
may not want to accept Jesus into their hearts.
The latter carries more responsibilities and consequences.
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Ok, the following may or may not be censored. It’s harder for me to write if I have to
watch and censor my words and thoughts.
I feel inhibited and people can’t be at their best if they are
inhibited.
Today, Pastor Patty preached to us about the importance of
having a relationship with God. She
mentions that many life problems such as doubt is caused by a weak relationship
with God. We doubt because we do not
trust God and doubt leads to fear and confusion. No wonder I am so confused with my life. The only thing I am not confused is the
importance of seeking God but even in doing that, I am struggling. But, I find that the times when I do seek God
and spend time with him, I feel peace, and I feel in control of my life. In a way, it’s ironic. By seeking God, I gain direction on what to
do in the world.
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Wow, I can’t think right now. In a way, I’m happy that I got some work
done, but in another way, I could have done better. Even today, I played hours of computer games. The three areas that are competing each other
in my life are God, games, and girls.
Haha. But, as Helen said, there
could only be one: God. The reason why I’m
in the mess I am in now (lack of direction) is because I failed to spend time
with God. I feel I have great potential with
Him and I do want to seek Him. But other
things in the world are more alluring.
They are more fun. They are more
exciting, or so it seems, than God.
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As I said regularly, I feel like killing myself. I feel like ending my life. It may seem unthinkable or shocking to some
people, but, in a way and as I grow in God, I learn the value of life. I see life as something to be taken lightly
because God is in control and He will be the judge. The Bible says whoever saves his life will
lose it. Many people who do not know God
value their lives because it is the only thing they have. They are selfish, they refuse to die to
themselves, or to sacrifice to help others.
But I know that the value of life depends on the quality of it. Job said that it is better to be a stillborn
child than to live a life of suffering.
If my life feeds and weakens other people, then it is better for me not
to live. It is an act of resistance
against poverty and lack. I don’t want
to be homeless and suffer for the rest of my life. I would rather die. Or if I do live, then I’ll live for God, but
only God. But many times, actually most
of the time, I fail to live for God. So
then, what is the point of my life? What
is my life without God?
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I find that the best way to talk and interact and act around
other people is just to let go. To let
go of myself and my agendas and to let them think and act. To be humble and only say what is needed, for
with many words comes strife and sin is not absent. By avoiding many words, I am also confusing
the devil and those who are evil. They
do not know as much as if I would speak more frequently. Speak just enough and act humbly. Speak when you can change and with fewer
words, you can influence the outcome.
Gold for silence but silver for words.
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Going back to the life debate again, because I know it is
very controversial, people should have the right to die. It should be a right, and an act of
freedom. This can bring equality to the
classes. The rich don’t want the poor to
die but they want the poor to suffer.
Why suffer if one can have rest, if one can have peace? However, should someone choose to die, that
person should have a few commitments as possible. Why did I choose not to die while in the
Army? Because I promised to serve my country
and I will be letting my unit down. So I
decided to wait until I’m done. And I’m
single. If I have a family, with a wife
and kids, doing this may be unethical since it will hurt them and probably
cause them to die, too. As few
commitments as possible. Sure, it will “hurt”
some people because they do not understand what life is. If people know that this life is but a phase,
is but a prelude, and that eternal life is much more important, then people wouldn’t
carry so much meaning in this physical life.
This world is not my home,
This life is not my own,
But whoever owns me controls me.
They can make me happy or sad
Glad or mad.
No, that is only part of it.
I can change my attitude by changing the way I think. So it works both ways. If life is too difficult and there is no way
out, seek God. If you can’t seek God,
keep seeking God until you reach your end.
For me, my end is when I have less than $500 in my bank account. I don’t want to be living on the streets; I
don’t want to be homeless. I don’t want
to be harassed and attacked and shamed by people. I don’t want to be judged by men but by
God. Better death with peace than life
with war.
Jesus loving Jesus,
Sweetest name I know
Fills my every longing
Keeps me singing as I go.
